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TDAS Re-write episode 13: The Obsta-Kill Kourse

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Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write
Episode 13: The Obsta-Kill Kourse
Re-written and Edited by Joey Turner and Tanya Furness

Chris: (Voiceover, recounting last episode’s clips) Last time on Total Drama, we celebrated our 100th episode with a few surprise guest appearances, and a kidnapping of the host-y kind. But I stayed strong -Hey! (A clip of him screaming over the pit plays) Who put that there? (Clears throat) Alejandro found out who sabotaged the last vote, and made himself an insurance policy. Owen came clean to his new alliance about Mal. And Courtney proved to be quite the clumsy kisser. (More Chris screaming footage plays) Ok, someone is SO getting fired! Chef is a stress eater, Mal betrayed Cam, Gwen stopped Zeke, Cam got hurt, Cam got flushed. (The screaming clip plays again, then zoom out to Chris in front of a large TV screen, holding the plug)  That is IT! Luckily, nothing gets me out of a bad mood faster than upping the 'ow factor' in a challenge. Stick around to see who goes down, right here on Total Drama All-Stars! Tell the editor to meet me at the flush of shame!

(Chef just sits in the control room, giggling evilly)

(Opening credits)

(Cut to the Spa Hotel at night, Gwen is reclining comfortably in her bed)

Gwen: (Sighs) after a day of crawling underground, these beds really hit the spot. (Looks saddened) I kinda miss Cam; but at least he’s safe, and FAAAR away from this craphole of a camp. (Snuggles into pillow. But before she can fall asleep, loud rock and roll music is heard from the walls, causing Gwen to jolt awake. She growls) of COURSE he’s just as annoying a roommate as he is a host! (Bangs on the wall, shouting) Turn that 80’s garbage down, McLean!!! It’s almost midnight!!!

Chris: (Through the wall) hey! The 80’s were the age of music, Gwenny! And I can’t properly get my handsome-sleep without the soothing sounds of me ROCKING FameTown! Now keep it down, Roomy! People are trying to sleep! Yeesh, some roommates are so rude!!!

(Gwen growls and storms out of the room. The music suddenly stops and a loud thump is heard. Gwen comes back in holding one of her boots, smirking)

Chris: (Through the walls, dazed) goo’night, mama. Wind up the cat and put out the clock.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Holding her boot; giggles) combat boots; never go onto THIS show without them. (Waves at the camera) thanks, Grandma! (Opens up the heel of her boot and pulls out some blue teal lipstick. She starts applying it to her lips) …what?

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to next morning. Gwen is in a black bathrobe outside the bathroom. She knocks on the door)

Gwen: Chris, are you almost done in there? I need the shower!

Chris: (Harmonizes then clears his throat) sorry, Roomy! This is my morning handsomosity shower! Gonna be in here for another 2 hours!

Gwen: 2 hours?!?! (Growls) fine! I’ll just use the OTHER bathroom (Mumbling under breath)! 2-hour showers? Eco-friendly, my butt!

(Cut to the other bathroom; Gwen opens the door and screams. Inside is a bear with a newspaper sitting on the toilet. The bear screams and covers itself with the newspaper; Gwen slams the door shut)

Gwen: (Frightened) why... why is there a BEAR in the bathroom?!!?!?!

Chris: (Chuckles from upstairs) oh yeah, I let him use our bathroom. He’s part of the Total Drama Union; I can’t let him poop outside like some kind of animal! (Gwen growls again)

(Cut to inside the girl’s loser cabin; Courtney is pacing back and forth around the room while Zoey looks concerned; Dawn is meditating while the two speak)

Courtney: How could Scott dump me? (Growls)

Zoey: I know it's hard-

Courtney: (Paces, ignoring Zoey) Kissing Cameron was an accident!

Zoey: Oh of course, but-

Courtney: (Paces, ignoring Zoey) He kissed me!

Zoey: (Annoyed) Time out! (Courtney stops in place) Sorry, just, maybe you just need to talk? (Smiling) And hey, on the bright side, kissed by two guys in one day? You're on fire!

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: She's right! (Points proudly at herself) Yay, me!

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: (Shakes her head in disgust) Zoey, I pray for you and Mike, but PLEASE don’t encourage Courtney’s towering ego! It is destined to collapse!

(Confessional ends)

Courtney: Thanks Zoey! Do me a favor; don't mention this to Gwen. I haven't exactly been easy on her with the whole 'kissing” thing.

Zoey: well you DID kind of hound her about it for two years.

Courtney: (Glares at Zoey) I feel bad about that now, don’t I?

Zoey: True… Your secret is safe with me!

Courtney: Thanks! (Reclines on the bed) You're a pal.

(A knock is heard on the door and Noah is seen behind it)

Courtney: What do YOU want, Noah-it-all?

Noah: wow, way to out-nickname Jo; I’m just here to rescue Dawn from you.

Dawn: (Snaps out of her meditative state) Hmm? (Notices Noah) oh! Coming, dear!

(Dawn back-flips off her bed, opens the door, and leaps into Noah’s arms. They both just smile at each other)

Zoey: aaaawww! You two are still so…

(Noah just sticks his tongue out at her and moans, closing the door. Noah and Dawn walk away from the cabin)

Noah: (To Dawn) how do you put up with her “perkiness” EVERY DAY?! It’s making my cavities grow MORE cavities after a root canal!

Dawn: (Giggles) her positive aura can be endearing at times.

Noah: yeah endearing, nauseating, milk-curdling.

Dawn: oh, have Owen’s nightmares returned?

Noah: he says they’re coming less and less. Still, we should probably lose 5-faced Mal. Guy’s a threat!

Dawn: indeed, getting him away from the competition will hopefully give Mike a better chance to break Mal’s hold! So far Mal thinks that he has Mike under control, but there’s no telling how long that will last.

Noah: (Looks awkwardly) oh yeah…. for Mike’s safety. Yeah that’s what I was worried about.

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: I kinda… don’t give a rat’s hat about Mike. Take out the personalities and the real Mike’s about as interesting as one of Courtney’s “why-Duncan-is-an-evil-abomination-with-greasy-hair-and-hairy-toenails” lectures …(Sighs) BUT, I’ll take my chances with boring Mike than psycho Mal.

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to back inside the cabin. A knock is heard at the window; Zoey opens it and Mal is standing there, his hair sticking up and him faking innocence and worry)

Mal: Hey Zoey, you ok?

Zoey: (Sighs sadly) I still can't believe Cam's gone...

Mal: (Fakes sadness) Uh, me neither. I miss him so much!

(Confessional: Mal)

Mal: (Laughs evilly, his hair flipped back down) Mike might miss the little brainiac, but as far as I'm concerned? Getting rid of Cameron was like scraping gum off my shoe; a bit sticky, but ooh so satisfying.

(Zoom into Mal's mind; pan over to Mike and Chester both walking along a brain-matter wasteland)

Chester: So... much... walking! Why'd I ever agree to go on a quest? (Stops, looking angered) There better not be any of that rock and/or roll music, or-or dancing where we're going!

???: (Off-screen in a feminine-like voice) Vill you keep it down vith zhe babbling? (Pan over to reveal Svetlana, Mike’s Russian Gymnast personality, chained to a large boulder and carving a sculpture of a fish out of what appeared to be butter) He might hear you!

Mike: Svetlana! (Confused) Uh... what are you doing?

Svetlana: Mal told me “sculpting fishies vith butter, or cease to exist."

Mike: Well it's time to cease his existence! Come with us!

Svetlana: (Whispering) Shhh! Stop vith zhe talking! He has zhe ears everyvhere!

(She points up, to reveal several ear shaped clouds hanging above them)

Mike: Ok, that could be a problem.

(Zoom back out to Mal in the confessional)

Mal: Now to deal with my biggest threat, Alejandro. (Chuckles darkly) Oh, he's going to pay for sabotaging my sabotage.

(Confessional ends)

Mal: (Faking worry) I have to tell someone, and you're the only one I trust! I saw Alejandro refuse to help Cam, just before he fell in the mine!

Zoey: (Gasps, and glares) I knew he was a snake! I bet he's the one who tampered with the votes!

Mal: If Gwen hadn't fished Cam out of that river... oh...

Zoey: We just can't trust that guy! (Mal smirks evilly. At that moment Owen steps out of the boys’ side of the cabin with wad of gruel in his hand; Zoey notices and smiles) oh, hey Owen.

(Owen is about to wave at Zoey when he sees Mal smirking at him and reacts with fear)

Owen: uh… (Points up in the sky) GREAT CHOCOLATE FONDUE STICKS, FLYING MONKIES!!!! (Jumps over the railing in fear and lands in a bush)

Zoey: (Confused) ooooooh… kay?

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: (Confused) I didn’t see any flying monkeys! Although on this island, there might be flying hippos if Chris wants there to be.

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: (Covered in twigs and leaves) there were no monkeys. I hate staying away from Zoey, but it’s not safe with Mal still around. Good thing I’ve got my little buddy Noah, and my new littler buddy Dawn to save me from losing it. (Ruffles through his hair and pulls out a woodpecker) oh hello there, cute little woodpecker. (The woodpecker goes berserk and flies in Owen’s face)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) Attention, maggots! Last one to the edge of the woods drops and gives me fifty! Hup! Hup! Hup!

(Zoey calmly walks out of the cabin, while Courtney runs out at full speed, only to accidentally trip and fall onto the ground, next to a depressed looking Scott on the porch holding dirt)

Courtney: Ow! (Notices Scott) What are you doing?

Scott: (Dejected) I'm sad. And when I'm sad, I eat dirt. (Chomps on the dirt, looking sad. Talks to the dirt clump) You'll never cheat on me, will you?

Courtney: Ugh, that is it! (Stands up angrily) Listen up, farm boy! CAMERON kissed ME! And he's gone, so we're back together, end of story! Now let’s go! (She runs off, Scott stands up and smiles)

(Confessional: Scott)

Scott: Can't help it, I loves me a bossy lady! But I'm not forgiving or forgetting just yet. Courtney might not be finished her kissing spree.

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the edge of the woods, Chris is wearing a military camouflage helmet and sunglasses, with a stern expression on his face. The campers come running in (Gwen at the rear looking exhausted)

Chris: At ease, maggots! 'Bout time you got here, I was almost getting bored. (Notices Gwen looking exhausted) oh hey, Roomy! Sorry ‘bout the whole shower thing. Also, I MAY have used your special shampoo in the shower. And it works AWESOMELY! (Gwen growls again. Alejandro and Chef enter) Glad you could join us, Alejandro! You know the deal: Last one here equals pushups there.

Alejandro: (Annoyed) Of course I'm going to be the last one, I was exiled on Boney Island!

Chris: You mean; (Pulls out his trusty megaphone) I WAS EXILED ON BONEY ISLAND, SIR! (Alejandro rolls his eyes)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: Chris is lucky I have a bigger problem to deal with… Mal! Good thing I have a DVD full of incriminating footage hidden in the hotel! When the time is right, (Slams his fist into his palm) bam! I'll expose that phony or my name isn't Alejandro Burromuerto!

Chris: (Laughs over the loudspeaker) Tell them what your last name means! (Laughs again)

Alejandro: (Grunts) It's a very respected name where I come from. (Insistently) Very respected.

(Confessional ends)

Alejandro: (Doing his last push-up) -And 50! (He stands up and dusts his hands off) Didn't break a sweat.

Noah: well, nice to see you finally pushing your own weight around here.

Chris: Says the little draft-dodger who skipped out on the dodge ball challenge. (Chris chuckles as Noah pouts) Now listen up, worms. Chef's boot-camp challenge in season one was tough; but this is season five, and things are about to get a whole lot more hurty, with the Chris McLean Obsta-kill Course! -Patent pending. (Pan over to a yard full of tires with flags at both ends) To win this full-on race challenge and avoid getting flushed, first you'll have to conquer the fun tires!

Gwen: and the “fun” part?

Chris: (Smirking) why spoil the surprises. (Pan over to a steep wooden incline with 5 ropes hanging on it; one is a regular rope, one is more fuzzy, one is covered with strange red substance, one looks like an electrical wire [sparks included] and the last one is red and resembles licorice) Get through them, and you’re on to the rope slope! Some ropes are less reliable than others, so choose wisely! But not TOO wisely, that will spoil the fun, for me. (Pan over to a jungle gym-like ladder over a small pond) Next, the snapping bars!

Zoey: Why are they called that?

Chris: Oh, you'll see! (Pan over to an empty field) Then it's on to a pleasant run through the “duck and cover." Come out of THAT alive, and you're in for a real treat!

Scott: (Scoffing) Pfft, piece of cake.

Chris: Oooh, in that case-

Scott: (Realizes what he said, then groans in fear) No!

Chris: Everyone has to wear a heavy pack for the whole challenge. (Chef tosses the packs onto the ground, the contestants groan) Abandon your pack and you'll face a brutal penalty. Seriously, (Chuckles) this is gonna be awesome!

Noah: (Glares at Scott) ok how about for the rest of the season, you keep your mouth stapled shut BEFORE EACH CHALLENGE?!?!?!

Scott: (Nods ashamed) I think that’s a good idea.

(Alejandro picks up one of the packs, with Gwen and Zoey whispering behind him)

Gwen: (Whispering) He let Cam fall? Wow, that's harsh, even by Alejandro's standards.

Zoey: Yeah, Mike and I are planning to vote him off as payback.

Gwen: (Smirking) Count me in.

Zoey: Awesome! Now we just have to survive this challenge! (Puts her hand on Gwen’s shoulder) At least it's not underground, right? (She giggles, but notices Gwen glaring at her. She giggles sheepishly) too soon?

Gwen: kinda too soon, Zoey.

(They both giggle; Courtney glares suspiciously at them)

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: Zoey better not be forming an alliance with Gwen! Or telling her about me kissing Cameron... Or both!? Gah! Why didn't I take that lip reading course?

(Confessional ends)

(Mal walks up to Alejandro, smirking)

Mal: (In his normal voice) Better watch your step, pal. Or is it Al?

Alejandro: (Keeping his cool) Quite a warning coming from the little man who tampered with the votes, AND attacked that butter-donkey, Owen.

Mal: (Looks a little worried) who told you? Was it Owen? (Growls) I knew I couldn’t trust that useless potato with a secret!

Alejandro: fortunately for him, no he did not. I have my own means of finding out what interests me.

Mal: (Regains cool, unimpressed) So what? Who's going to believe you, the second most manipulative player in Total Drama history?

Alejandro: True, I'm not known for being trustworthy... But that is why I've procured a little insurance policy should I ever need it. (Grabs onto Mal’s shirt and pulls him up to his face) Your hours here are numbered, pal; or should I say, Mal. (Mal narrows his eyes, and grabs Alejandro's wrist a sickening crack is heard. Alejandro whimpers in pain as he kneels on the ground as if he is bowing, Mal still holding his wrist) Wait! My people have a saying: Burrosmuertos no hablan!

Mal: Dead donkeys don't talk?

Chris: (His laughter plays over the speakers) Alejandro Dead Donkey! (Alejandro glares at Chris as he laughs again)

Alejandro: It's more poetic in Spanish, but- (Hollers in pain as Mal squeezes harder, another sickening crunch is heard) My point is, your secret is safe with me.

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: (Rubbing his swollen red wrist) I must stop this monster! No one ruins my symmetry and gets away with it.

(Confessional ends)

Zoey: (Walks up behind Mal and Alejandro) What are you guys doing?

Mal: (Looks behind him at Zoey) Oh, (Laughs nervously) Alejandro tripped and I was just helping him up! (Drags Alejandro up; smirks evilly) You should really be more careful. (Neither one of them notices Dawn glaring at Mal)

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: poor Zoey; she knows something is wrong, but her love for Mike is clouding over her doubts. (Brings her hands to her temples) if you can hear me, Mike, I only wish you and your personalities luck on your quest!

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to Chris with his megaphone, all the contestants are lined up at the starting line)

Chris: (Over the megaphone) On your marks, get set, go!

(Chris blows the air horn as they all race towards the tires. Courtney and Scott in the lead)

Scott: This is easy! (Eyes widen and face palms) why did I say that!? (He and Courtney keep running along each other until a pole pops up from a tire, and Courtney runs straight into it. Courtney screams and Scott looks back) Huh? (He trips and falls into one of the tires, one leg straight up and touching his face. He screams in pain) My foot is touching my face!

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) you dung beetles didn't think Colonel McLean would give you a straight-ahead challenge, did you?

Noah: (Runs past Scott with Dawn) of course not, that’d be too Un-Host like for THIS playground!

Chris: exactly!

(Owen is tripping and stumbling through the tires; suddenly a boxing glove springs out of one of the tires and strikes Owen in the butt, causing him to trip and start rolling down the row of tires, screaming. Noah and Dawn look behind them and see Owen rolling towards them. They scream as Owen rolls over them, the three of them rolling right to the end of the yard. Owen stands up and sees a tire around his stomach, with Dawn and Noah trapped on both sides, blocking Owen’s arms)

Noah: seriously?! I mean… SERIOUSLY?!!?

Chris: (Cracking up) you know, sometimes this show writes itself! (Chuckles even louder)

Owen: sorry, guys!

Noah: well on the plus side, we’ve never been closer as an alliance. (Dawn and Owen giggle)

Dawn: (Pulls her arms loose from the tire) at least Noah and I have use of our arms, we must press forward! To the rope slope!

Noah: (Pulls his arms free; smirks) ma’am yes, ma’am!

Owen: (runs forward) aww, you sound just like Brick… only shorter and more sarcastic.

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) and the weirdo trio takes the lead!

(Meanwhile Mal and Zoey are running through a field of tires with geysers of hot water shooting out)

Mal: (Pulls Zoey back just as water jets out of the tire in front of her) Woah, careful!

Zoey: (Pulls Mal back as water jets out behind him) Look out!

Mal: (Grabs Zoey’s hands) Thanks! We make a great team. (Alejandro glares at him)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: (Holding a mirror) His powers of persuasion are impressive. I must get the others on my side! (Looks into the mirror) The gorgeous side.

(Confessional ends)

(Alejandro runs up to Gwen, who dodges a mallet in the tire in front of her)

Alejandro: Gwen, I need to talk to you!

Gwen: Can't! Kind of trying to stay alive!

Alejandro: Then for now, a warning! Whatever you do, do not trust Ma-ugh!

(A tire suddenly strikes Alejandro; the camera pans over to Mal, who is smirking evilly as fire jets come up behind him. Alejandro is stuck in the tire as Gwen leaves him behind. Zoey and Mal cross the tire yard finish line)

Chris: (Pulls up with Chef in his jeep) Mike and Zoey are going for second, and heading for the rope slope! This oughta be good!

(Owen, Dawn, and Noah run over to the rope slope; Noah and Dawn grab onto the rope with the red substance. Owen struggles to climb up the wall with his feet, but Dawn and Noah’s hands slip on the substance, sending the trio falling backwards onto the ground. At that moment, Zoey and Mal run up; Mal grabs the red rope, Zoey the fuzzy rope)

Zoey: oh my gosh, you guys okay?

Noah: (Grunts) too hurt for sarcastic comeback.

Dawn: (Sniffs the red substance on her hand) …tomato sauce?

Owen: (Sniffs) mmm, tastyyy!

Noah: (Quirks an eyebrow and smirks) Owen, have you ever eaten rope?

Owen: (Indignantly) I only ate rope on- …twi- …(Looks ashamed) three times.

Noah: well then let’s get this elevator on the road; (Addresses the tomato sauce covered ropes) bon appétit.

(Owen smiles and starts chewing on the rope. As he keeps eating, he is slowly rising to the top of the wall. Mal starts climbing the red rope quickly while Zoey goes more slowly up the fuzzy rope)

Zoey: What the heck? (Sniffs the rope)

Mal: (Stops and calls down) Come on, Zoey; you can do it!

Zoey: I'm try-y-y-aachoo! (Lets go of the rope and falls to the ground)

Chris: Apparently Zoey's allergic to ropes made of dog hair.

Zoey: Dog hair? (Looks disgusted) Eew! (Sneezes again)

Dawn: (Horrified; gasps) DOG HAIR?!!?!?

Chris: and before you ask, Mother Nature, NO I didn’t shave the dogs or let Chef do it either. I know a guy who got the hair from a “licensed” barber! So relax your tiny head, I’m not some kind of monster.

Dawn: monster is the NICEST way I can describe YOU!

Noah: (Smirks) so, there IS a bit of sarcasm in you. You’ve been holding out on me. (Dawn blushes)

Mal: (Calls down to Zoey) Zoey, you ok?

Zoey: Keep going! I'll catch up!

Mal: (Sniffs his rope) Licorice? (Chuckles darkly) Might as well make this more fun for the next guy.

(Mal takes a bite out of the chunk of the rope. Gwen runs up and climbs to dog hair rope until she reaches Zoey, who is on the regular rope; Owen, Noah, and Dawn slowly catching up)

Zoey: (Nervously to Gwen) Uh, are you allergic to dogs?

Gwen: Weird question, no.

Zoey: (Giggling) It's just your rope is-

Gwen: Huh? (Sniffs at her rope) Ooh, yuck!

Zoey: (Giggling) I know, right? So gross! At least it’s not made of eucalyptus. (Zoey giggles while Gwen glares at her)

Gwen: once again, too soon, Zoey!

Zoey: (Sheepishly) sorry, man I can NOT get it right today.

(After an awkward pause, Zoey and Gwen start cracking up, right as Scott and Courtney arrive at the bottom of the slope)

Courtney: (yelling at the two of them) you two had better not be talking about me kissing Cameron!

Gwen: (Gasps) You kissed Cameron?

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: (Sheepishly) Oops. STUPID PARANOIA! I KNEW I should’ve taken those relaxation courses; but the instructor was all “you need to find your inner peace and tranquil state.” I don’t have time for inner peace! How do you think I won all those lawsuits!?

(Confessional ends)

Scott: Not only that, but she kissed him while we were going out! (Courtney glares at him, causing him to smile nervously) But we're back together and very happy.

Owen: (Lets go of the rope) you two are going out?! (He, Dawn, and Noah fall to the ground again)

Gwen: (At the top, glaring down at Courtney) If we survive this, you and I are going to have a little chat, Courtney! (Courtney sighs sadly)

Noah: (Recovered slightly, smirks at Courtney) smooth move, Miss CIT. You played that like a $12 violin.

Courtney: (Glaring) shut up! You and your… sarcastic… FACE!!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: you know what’s NOT cool? Courtney gives me grief about kissing her boyfriend, and then she goes off and kisses Cameron while she HAS a boyfriend. Gotta love irony.

(Confessional ends)

(Courtney is already up the slope on the dog hair rope, Scott starting to climb the wire rope. While Owen jumps up trying to grab onto the tomato-covered rope with his teeth, but keeps missing)

Courtney: What are you waiting for? Climb!

Scott: No worries, I'll be up in a jiffy- (Grabs one of the exposed areas on the wire, and gets shocked repeatedly)

Chris: (Chuckles) Looks like someone found my favorite rope! The Zapper!

Owen: (Jumps for the rope but misses again) oh come on!! Why did I let go of the rope?! (His tummy suddenly gurgles, and a confident smile spreads across his face) Alright, Thunder Tummy; it’s just you and me again!

Noah: (Eyes widen in horror) dude, you’re not seriously gonna-

Owen: (A small toot leaks out) HOLD YOUR NOSES AND HANG ON!!!!

(Noah and Dawn fearfully hang on and plug their noses, as Owen releases an earth-shaking fart, which launches the trio into the air and up the slope. Chris and Chef are caught downwind of the fart until the trio land at the top)

Noah: (Smirking) top floor: wires, rope-holders, and the bittersweet stench of victory!

Owen: woo-hoooo!!! And that’s what Owen brings to the paaaar-taaay!!! (Chuckles)

Chris: (Coughs) yeesh! And the government says I’M a toxic health risk!

(Alejandro runs into the scene, and climbs up the licorice rope to a dazed, roasting Scott)

Alejandro: Scott, we need to talk! You can't trust- (Scott gets electrocuted again) -perhaps I'll tell you later...

(Alejandro continues up the rope until the licorice snaps. But he grabs onto the top with his good hand before he can fall)

Alejandro: (Triumphantly) Haha! Still got it!

Chris: Will anyone survive the Obsta-kill Course? Will Scott become a human hot dog? Will I laugh no matter what? Yes to that; but, for all the other answers, stay tuned to Total Drama All-Stars!

(Commercial break)

(Cut to Mal traversing a set of jungle gym bars, snapping turtles circling the water below and jumping up at him to eat him)

Chris: Mike is first to reach the snapping bars! (Pan over to Gwen, Zoey, and the Owen, Noah, and Dawn trio getting on the bars) Followed by Gwen, Zoey, and the weirdo trio!

Gwen: (Yelps and hugs onto the bars as one of the turtles bites at her boots) So that's why they're called the snapping bars! Hilarious!

(Dawn and Noah use their arms to help the trio get across. Dawn looks down at the snapping turtles in worry)

Dawn: dog hair rope, and using dear captive turtles for challenges? Why hasn’t Chris been arrested for misuse of animals?

Noah: leave it to a weasel to avoid even MORE jail time. I’m just surprised WE’RE able to hold the big guy up for so long.

(Alejandro quickly arrives at the snapping bars, sees Mal well on his way across the bars, and jumps onto the top of the monkey bars; he walks on his hands again. He reaches where Mal is hovering, and dives down, grabbing onto Mal's legs and bear hugging them)

Mal: (Growls and tries to shake Alejandro loose) Let go of me!

Alejandro: Not without a fight!

(Zoom into Mal’s brain again; Mike, Chester, and Svetlana still at the fish sculpture)

Mike: Come on, let us help you break free!

(Svetlana suddenly starts glowing and pulsating transparently. And moaning in pain)

Mike: (Worried) Svetlana? What's happening?

Svetlana: (Convulsing dramatically) Is ...him!

(Suddenly cut back outside. Mal gasps, then his face changes to resemble Svetlana, only with dark circles under her eyes and a malevolent smile)

Mal Svetlana: Svetlana zhe Olympic champion, vith zhe hanging bars!

(Mal Svetlana begins swinging back and forth over and over again, slamming Alejandro into the bars every time, the turtles and the other contestants cringing as they watch)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: Hmm ...I thought Mike said he couldn't access his other personalities anymore... At least he didn't turn into Mal again. (Eyes widen) unless… can Mal turn into Mike’s personalities like Mike can?

(Confessional ends)

Dawn: (Horrified) oh my goodness! He’s getting stronger!

Owen: wait, so if he’s Svetlana… does that mean Mike is back?

Dawn: I’m afraid not! I fear Mal is hijacking Mike’s personalities!

Owen: wait, so personalities can hijack other personalities and… (Screams) my brain hurts!

Noah: look, we can try to figure out how MPD works later!

(Cut back inside Mal’s head, Svetlana continues to fade and holler)

Mike: Fight it, Svetlana! Fight Mal!

Svetlana: (Addresses the chain on her ankle) Zhe chain! (Mike grabs the nearby sculpting mallet and smashes the chain, freeing her. Svetlana stops fading and stands) Hoorah! Svetlana helps you now! (High fives Mike as Chester licks at one of the butter stacks)

(Cut back outside where Mal Svetlana is using her legs to spin Alejandro around like a pinwheel)

Alejandro: Woahwoahwoahgagh! Stop!

(Mal Svetlana suddenly gasps, Mal returning)

Mal: (Confused) Huh? (Looks down) Woah! (His arms give way and he hits his jaw on the bar and falls through, into the water)

(Alejandro lands safely on the bars and runs to the other side, landing on his feet, groaning in dizziness, and then continuing forward. Mal rises up from the water, and the snapping turtles start leaping and biting at him)

Zoey: Mike!

(Noah and Owen secretly smirk at Mal’s comeuppance)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Sighs) karma, best friend a sarcastic genius can ask for… well that and a 300-pound bag of noxious fumes.

(Confessional ends)

(Mal resurfaces with bruises and lumps covering his face from where the turtles bit him. He swims quickly out of the water, getting up to his feet, only to collapse on the ground, revealing every inch of his body covered in the same swollen sores)

Chris: (Cackles, driving by Mal) Alejandro takes the lead, and Mike just may be out of commission.

(Confessional: Mal)

Mal: How could Svetlana take off like that? (His eye widens as he looks to his head) Mike! Oh, he's messing with my plans! (He growls and clenches his fists) I'm coming for you, bro! (He punches the camera, shattering the glass; the camera feed shuts off)

(Confessional ends)

Zoey: (Overtakes Gwen and the trio) Hang on, Mike, I'm coming!

Gwen: (One of the turtles snaps at Gwen’s boot) Hey, not cool!

Owen: (Several turtles snap at Owen’s feet) ooh! OW!! EEK! OW!! I’m too young to be a cute turtle’s dinner!

Noah: I’m too young to be a side salad!

(Suddenly a snapping turtle bites a chunk out of the tire, causing it to fall loose. The trio is free from the tire, but only Noah and Dawn are holding on to the bars. Owen falls straight into the water, causing a massive splash, and forcing a bunch of turtles fly into the air)

Owen: (Re-emerges from the water and chuckles) that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be. (The turtles all land on Owen) …I’ve got to stop saying that. (The turtles swarm all over Owen; he screams in pain as they bite. Noah and Dawn cringe in pain as they watch him get bitten) OOH! OW! BAD TURTLES! I’ll get you some pizza if you stop biting me! OWIE!!!

Noah: hey, reptiles! Chew on someone your own body girth! This one’s way over the limit!

Dawn: hmmm. (Gasps) Oh my, I know what’ll appease these hungry souls. (Pulls out a head of lettuce. The turtles stop biting on Owen, and start panting like dogs when they see the lettuce head) eat up, gentle reptiles. (Dawn tosses the lettuce head into the water; the turtles scurry off of Owen and start nibbling at the lettuce head. Owen quickly swims away)

Noah: …do I want to know where you got the lettuce head?

Dawn: I always keep supplies ready to tame Mother Nature’s most deadly creatures.

(Noah just smirks as they both cross the bars)

Chris: (Over the megaphone) Ooh, and here comes team “Break up, Make up!”

(Courtney starts climbing the bars, carrying a terrified Scott on her shoulders. He grabs onto the bars first; a turtle bites his left butt cheek)

Scott: (Hollers in pain) My left butt cheek! (Hollers again as another turtle bites his right butt cheek) My right butt cheek! Why is it always my butt?

Courtney: Move it! I didn't carry you all the way to the bars just so you could fall in- (Scott falls into the water; she groans) you're on your own, slacker! (She crosses the bars without him)

Zoey: (Kneels down to Mal and shakes his shoulder) Come on! If Alejandro wins, we can't vote him off!

Mal: You go ahead; I’m gonna try and talk to Owen, Dawn, and Noah. And if I help Scott, he might vote for Alejandro too!

Zoey: Well, ok, but be careful! (Runs off)

Mal: (Grins evilly) Oh, I always am!

Noah: (From behind Mal) yeah not really, “Mike.”

(Dawn and Noah are right behind Mal, glaring at him while helping Owen out of the water)

Mal: (Clears throat) uh, hey guys. (Fakes being worried) Uh, oh my gosh! Is Owen okay?

Owen: (Half-dazed) oh, I’m good. (Chuckles) the turtle bites kinda remind me of Izzy.

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: I don’t know which is scarier: the fact that he made THAT comparison, or the fact that it’s not entirely inaccurate!

(Confessional ends)

(Noah and Dawn help Owen to his feet)

Mal: uh so, guys. Uh, Zoey and I are planning on voting Alejandro out tonight. You guys in?

(Noah and Dawn glare at Mal while Owen just looks nervous)

Dawn: I’m afraid I must decline; there’s someone else in mind for the flush for me.

Noah: yeah see I would, but I don’t team up with weasels to vote off eels.

Mal: (Getting nervous) Weasels? Uh, what do you mean? Uh, you can trust me; (Looks directly at Owen) right, Owen?

(Owen starts sweating, and then looks over at Noah and Dawn, who just look concerned towards him. Finally Owen inhales deeply)

Owen: vote for Al yourself, “Mike.”

Mal: (Regular voice) what, (Clears his throat doing his Mike voice) but why, Owen? I thought you and I were pals?

Owen: Mike is my pal, not some creepy-voiced, imposter, meanie-pants! If you wanna vote off Al, do it by yourself and (Gets close to Mal’s face) leave me and my REAL friends alone! (Runs off; Mal and Noah look shocked, Dawn just smiles sagely)

Noah: (Smirks at Mal) wow, you know you’ve got it bad when you tick HIM off! Later, “Mike!”

(Noah and Dawn run after Owen. Mal looks shocked for a second, and then growls in anger)

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: (Shocked) …did that just happen? …THAT JUST HAPPENED! Oh-ho! Great Nutty-ella spread! I almost NEVER stand up for myself! But standing up to Mal like that felt AWESOME!!! (Chuckles. Then looks around nervously)

(Confessional: Mal)

Mal: (Angered) That useless potato sack is starting to stand up to me… again! I can’t lose my grip on him; if he blabs about me, my element of surprise is ruined! (Eyes widen) unless he’s already blabbed to his alliance buddies. (Growls) After I’m done with Alejandro, YOU’RE next, Fat Boy!

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to an open field with some rocks; Zoey runs past the rocks, and Alejandro pops up from behind one of the rocks)

Alejandro: (Zoey stops) Zoey, we must talk!

Zoey: (Snappy) Mike saw you let Cam fall! Try to handsome-talk your abs out of that! (She runs off again)

Alejandro: (Runs after Zoey) What-nonononono! Mike is not who he seems, and I can prove- (Alejandro is suddenly struck by a leech, which swells up fast)

Zoey: Ewww...

Chris: (Over the megaphone) Forgot to mention, (Pan over to him and Chef, Chef is holding a leechball gun) this is Chef's favorite spot to unwind with some leechball target practice! So, you better duck, and you better find cover.

(Chef fires another leech, which gets Zoey in the face. She pulls it off, but Alejandro gets more leeches shot to his face)

Alejandro: Madre mia...

(Even more leeches are shot at Alejandro; Zoey jumps and rolls behind one of the rocks; after some leeches miss her, she runs off again)

Chris: And Zoey takes the lead!

(Meanwhile, Noah catches up with Gwen as they both enter the field)

Noah: (Whispering) Gwen, you and I need to talk. It’s about Mike.

Gwen: (Looks to Noah suspiciously) Mike? What about him?

Noah: call me vague, mysterious, or whatever, but Owen, Dawn, and me are planning to vote him out tonight. You want in?

Gwen: sorry, I’m voting Alejandro out for leaving Cameron.

Noah: (Shrugs) you know, since it’s the great Spanish eel, I understand.

Gwen: wait, why do you want to vote out Mike?

Noah: (Eyes widen, looks around nervously) oooh, yeah; about that…

Gwen: (Stops in place) wait… is this about Mal?

Noah: shh!!! …How do you know about Mal?

Gwen: Duncan. (Grunts) he tried to warn me and I didn’t know what to think! …I MAY owe him a couple make-out apologies.

Noah: whoa, let me know if you’re selling tickets to that, I love a good horror-fest. (Gwen snickers)

Gwen: but seriously, after I help get rid of Alejandro, I’ll talk to Zoey. Maybe she can shed some light on what’s going on.

Noah: if she even knows what’s going on! She’s not exactly Mistress Perceptive when it comes to Mike.

Gwen: ok yeah, she can be really gullible; but still she’s…

(At that moment, a series of leeches struck Noah, knocking him down)

Gwen: uh… we’ll talk later! (Runs off, right after Courtney, ducking a series of leeches)

(Scott follows behind until Mal grabs him and pulls him behind a bush, whispering something in his ear)

Scott: So you're saying Alejandro convinced Cameron to kiss Courtney to drive a wedge between us?

Mal: (Nods) Yes!

Scott: (Confused) A wedge of what? Cheese?

(Confessional: Mal)

Mal: (Facepalms and groans) I think all that shark mauling, as hilarious as it was, knocked a few screws loose… if there were any screws left TO lose.

(Confessional ends)

Mal: (Frustrated) Let's put it this way: Alejandro used Cam's lips to kiss YOUR girlfriend!

Scott: (Angered) Now THAT I understand. (Gets up) I have to find Courtney! (He runs off, only to have the straps of his backpack catch in a bush) Ugh, lousy pack! (He slips out of the backpacks) Forget this! (He runs off without it)

Mal: What about the penalty?

Scott: (Smirking) I'll deal with it when I win!

(Mal just smirks and ducks his head, avoiding the leeches. Cut back to Owen and Dawn, Owen carrying Noah on his shoulder. Noah has 5 inflated leeches on his face)

Owen: (Ducks a leech) so how’d it go with Gwen?

Noah: how does it LOOK like it went? She’s voting for Alejandro, which IS tempting!

Dawn: maybe we can convince Alejandro? His aura shows that he is threatened of being out-classed as a villain by Mal.

Noah: (Another leech is shot at his face) honey, have I ever told you how I love your brain?

Dawn: (Leaps onto Owen’s other shoulder and starts gently pulling leeches off of Noah’s face) my brain thanks you, dear.

Owen: w-wait! Al knows about Mal?

Dawn: indeed. And he has procured a DVD full of incriminating evidence in the spa hotel.

Noah: ah, classic Alejandro. I kinda miss having JUST him to deal with.

(Cut to a rock; a series of leeches are shot at the rock, where they cling to the rock. Gwen peeks from behind the rock, and then ducks back down, with Courtney)

Gwen: So you admit you kissed Cam, while you were with Scott?

Courtney: No, Cameron kissed me!

Gwen: Cameron isn’t the type to take advantage of girl lips like that, why would he do that?

Courtney: Maybe because he thinks I'm pretty?

Gwen: (Stammering as Courtney glares at her) Sure, yeah, of course! It's just, it kind of came out of nowhere!

Courtney: (Growls) I can’t believe this! Why are you hounding me about who I kiss?! (This time, Gwen glares at her; Courtney’s eyes widen when she realizes what she said). oooohh…. Right. (Grins sheepishly) well uh, we both learned something on this show? (Chuckles sheepishly)

(Cut to Zoey ducking and weaving between the rocks, and creeping up behind a bush)

Zoey: Nearly there! (She creeps around the bush, but her backpack gets caught) Ugh, oh come on! (Suddenly a series of leeches rain down on her as she pitifully tries to block them)

(Cut back to Gwen and Courtney, Scott kneels right behind Courtney)

Scott: Courtney, I need to talk to you! Did you kiss Alejandro?

Gwen: Ok, I'm out of here! (Gets up and runs off)

Courtney: (To Scott, defensively) no, of course not! The most we did was share cookies and cuddle, but it was two years ago! You and I weren't going out, so it's ok! (Smiles reassuringly)

Scott: well ok… how was it?

Courtney: it was ok. I mean I USED to think he was a gentleman, compared to the cavemen on the plane, but then…

Scott: not that, I mean the cookies! (Courtney rolls her eyes)

Chris: (Over the megaphone) Hey Bickersons, less whining, more ouching! (Scott peeks over the rock, only to take a leech to the face) Better.

(Scott ducks back behind the rock, and plucks the leech off his head. Mal pops up behind them)

Mal: Hey, so I was thinking of voting off Alejandro next! Thoughts?

Scott: Yes!
Courtney: Absolutely!

(Courtney and Scott run off, leaving a smirking Mal)

(Confessional: Mal)

Mal: (Rubs his hands together) Another piece falls into place. Once Alejandro's gone, I'll be able to concentrate on getting rid of Mike. For good!

(Confessional ends)

(Alejandro stumbles behind Mal and falls to his knees, 4 leeches clinging to his face)

Mal: (Faking worry) Hey man! Oooh, you want some help with those leeches?

Alejandro: (Dazed but angered) I would rather wear a too-small speedo shrunken in the wash than EVER accept help from you.

Mal: (In his regular voice) suit yourself. (He kicks Alejandro in the chest and sends him backwards a few feet. He then runs back and laughs as three more leeches grab onto his face) see you in the toilet, Al! Maybe after I’m done with Zoey, I’ll go find your little girlfriend, Heather. I bet she’ll make a great queen for me! …Or a better coat rack, I’m flexible like that.

(Mal runs off. Alejandro growls in pure rage and leaps into the air, the leeches all shake off of him)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: monstruo malvado!! Ruining my symmetry was horrible enough; but NOBODY tries to steal the toothpick-like minx that I love! (Points directly at the camera) I'm coming for you, Mal!

(Confessional ends)

(Mal runs up to Zoey, who is still covered in leeches)

Mal: (Kneels down) Zoey! Here, here, let me! (He picks all the leeches off of Zoey and they run off together)

Zoey: Thanks, Mike!

Mal: I owed you one; and we're a team, remember? Now let's win this thing-Woah!

(They skid to a halt as they reach the edge of a cliff, a zip-line over the ravine, and Chris standing on the other side of the gap on the cliff opposite)

Chris: (Over the megaphone) Told yah you were in for a real treat! This is it, maggots: the final obstacle! All you gotta do is to get to where I'm standing, alive!

Mal: (Groans in annoyance) how are we supposed to do that?!

Chris: Hello, backpacks!

(Zoey and Mal throw their packs to the ground and open them up, pulling out zip-lining equipment)

Zoey: Zip-lining! Of course!

Alejandro: (Now right behind them) Didn't think you'd see me again, did you? (He looks at the chasm and smirks) Excellent! I grew up zip lining chasms three times this size! (He quickly affixes his T-bar and harness to the line) See you in the toilet, Mal! (He pushes off)

Zoey: Did he just say “Mal?”

Mal: (Nervously as he fixes his equipment to the line) Oh no, heheh. He said, “pal.” Handsome jerk. Let's go together, the increased weight will make us faster!

Zoey: (Grabs onto Mal, cooing) Oh, you sound like Cam!

(Mal and Zoey take off, catching up to Alejandro, just as Owen, Dawn, Noah, Courtney, Gwen and Scott run up to the zip-line)

Noah: oh joy; more zip lining.

Scott: You didn't say we were gonna NEED our packs!

Courtney: (Glaring at Scott) You ditched your pack?

Chris: Told you there'd be a penalty, bro!

(Confessional: Scott)

Scott: Ok, so I had to hang from a rope by my hands; (Smirks) no big thing! Back on the farm, my cousins and me used to have contests to see who could hang on the laundry lines the longest over a nest of fire ants! And I mostly won! (Sighs happily) Good times.

(Confessional ends)

(Owen is hooked up to the zip lining equipment. Dawn and Noah cling onto him with their own equipment strapped on)

Noah: all aboard the weirdo trio express! (The three of the run off the cliff, and start zooming down at rocket-fast pace)

(Scott spits on his hands and rubs them together, and then he grabs onto the rope, following Gwen and Courtney slowly)

Chris: The race for last place begins, as the race for first is about to end! Alejandro looks unbeatable, but wait! (Zoey and Mal are catching up)

Zoey: It doesn't look like we're going to pass him!

Mal: Zoey, hold the line! (Zoey obeys)

Zoey: Huh? Mike! (Mal leaps onto Alejandro, grabbing his legs tightly) What are you- (Zoey speeds up)!

Mal: Now tell me what this insurance policy is!!

Alejandro: Never!

(Owen and Noah scream as they, and Dawn, are barreling right towards the two of them at a rapid pace)

Noah: MAYDAY!! MAYDAY!! WE’RE COMING IN HOT!!!!!

Owen: WE’RE GONNA DIIIIIE!!!! (Owen’s rope starts to snap) ooooh beer nuts! (Owen’s rope finally snaps, he waves his hands frantically until he finally latches on to Mal’s legs)

Mal: what the- hey! Get off of me! (He starts stomping on Owen’s head)

Owen: OW! My squishy head!!

Alejandro: hey! Nobody stomps on my butter-donkey except me!

(As the three struggle, the line comes loose from the combined weight, sending all three of them plummeting into the water below)

Noah/Dawn: (Gasp) OWEN!!!

(Owen reemerges from the water, followed by Mal and Alejandro)

Owen: we’re alive!! WHOO-HOO!!!! It’s great to be alive!!! (Chuckles, then notices Mal and Alejandro glaring at him) uh… did I mention the part about being alive? (Chuckles nervously)

(Zoey zooms across the finish line)

Chris: And Mike throws himself under the bus so that Zoey wins immunity!

Mal: (Cheering to Zoey. Doesn’t notice Alejandro glaring at him) Way to go, Zoey!

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: Mal does not belong in Juvie; he belongs in jail! And for once I must thank Owen for his girth… and I think I know how.

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: Alejandro didn't say, “pal.” ...Did Mike do that for me, or for Mal? I need to keep a closer eye on him...

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: (Rocking back and forth in a fetal position) ooooh, Mal’s gonna turn me into a pink bellied kabob! (Looks around) …is it weird that being worried about being a kabob suddenly makes you hungry for one? I GET HUNGRY WHEN I GET NERVOUS…. And excited… and nostalgic-

(Confessional ends)

(Alejandro pulls Owen aside while Mal is not looking)

Owen: (Nervously) uh, Al! About the whole me pulling you both down thing…

Alejandro: do not explain, Owen. I know all about what Mal did to you at the moon challenge!

Owen: (Squeaks in fear) Don’t tell anyone, Al! Think of all the good times we had together!! The time I punched you in the eye, the time you ate my sock in your chowder, the time I farted in your mouth after kicking me off the plane, the… ooooh. Uh…

Alejandro: (Sighs) relax, Owen. I won’t tell anyone, IF you and your alliance votes with me tonight against that monster.

Owen: (Gasps) you’d vote Mal off with us? But don’t you kinda…. Hate me?

Alejandro: my Aunt Lola has a saying, “el enemigo de mi enemigo no es tan malo.” (Owen blinks in confusion. Alejandro groans) the enemy of my enemy is not so bad.

Owen: (Gasps) that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!! (Opens his arms) aw, come here-

Alejandro: (Raises his palm against Owen) don’t touch me.

(Dawn and Noah come zooming in; a crash is heard. Followed by Courtney and Gwen who crash land as well)

Chris: (Chuckles) bonus ouchies! You can count your bruises while I’m counting the elimination votes tonight! Zoey's safe tonight from the Flush of Shame, so who's going home, I wonder?

(Zoey looks around suspiciously, Mal and Alejandro glare at each other, Owen looks nervous, Dawn is rubbing Noah’s bumped head, and Courtney is preening her hair while Gwen narrows her eyes)

Scott: (Still marooned on the zip-line) Hello, a little help here?

(Cut to the campfire ceremony, at night)

Chris: Congratulations, campers! This was uncomfortably, tightly close! But in the end, Mike had four votes, including one particularly artistic entry! (Pulls out an 8x4 of Mike, with little devil horns and an evil goatee and mustache drawn on it)

Scott: (Chuckles) I wish I had thought of doing something like that! (Snickers but stops and looks away as Mal glares at him)

Zoey: four votes? Other than Alejandro, who else voted for Mike? (Dawn and Noah glare at Mal, while Owen looks away nervously)

Chris: who knows? But, it doesn’t matter. It’s still 4 out of 9 votes, not enough! While everyone else wants Alejandro to surf the porcelain wave machine! (Reveals Alejandro’s crossed out picture)

Alejandro: (Groans) crap!

Chris: (Frowns) Gee, what a shame... (Smiles and drops the picture) not really. First, who’s going to Boney Island tonight?

Owen: (Franticly raises his hand) OOH! ME! ME! I’LL DO IT!!!

Gwen: seriously? Why?

Owen: (Notices Mal glaring at him) I uh… just thought I’d get back in touch with my inner naturalist again! Yeah, Boney Island and me are one in the same mind field! (Chuckles nervously)

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: that, and I think Mal’s trying to broil me with his eyes.

(Confessional ends)

(Owen walks towards the boat of losers with Chef)

Dawn: take care, Owen.

Noah: try not to look tasty. (Noah shoots Owen a thumb up, Owen shoots Noah one back)

Chris: and now second order of business; since Zoey won the challenge, she and a camper of her choice can get to enjoy the spa, along with yours truly, and Gwen!

Zoey: (Claps happily) ooh, another spa hotel sleepover with Gwen? SWEET!!

Gwen: (Smiles at Zoey) yeah, just as long as you don’t mind (Glares at Chris) SOMEONE renting the bathroom out for bears and stealing your shampoo!

Chris: aww, love you too, (Flicks Gwen’s nose) Roomie! (Gwen growls) So, Zoey, who yah bringing?

Zoey: Mike! He's the only reason I won!

Mal: (Leans in and hugs Zoey, faking being touched) Aww, really? You're the best!

(Alejandro just looks contempt at them)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: How can she not see the truth? (Groans) Maybe they deserve each other!

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: why doesn’t Zoey see the truth? A combination of hormones, denial, and gullibility is how.

(Confessional: Mal)

Mal: (Snickers evilly) that’s ONE down! Next falls Owen’s little alliance, then Owen, then Zoey, and finally Mike! The others will be small potatoes for my domination of this pitiful island! (Chuckles evilly)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: good news though, Al, you won’t be flushed alone!

Courtney: what?! You mean you’re flushing two tonight? No fair!

Chris: NOT exactly, what I AM doing though is giving Alejandro a little… flush-mate. (Chris steps aside, revealing a smirking Heather. Everyone gasps)

Alejandro: (Mortified) aaaaand my humiliation continues!

Heather: (Gets straight in Alejandro’s face) well, well, well! Looks like I get to watch you go down the toilet after all, jerk!

Alejandro: (Groans) yes, you get to enjoy my humiliation for humiliating you. Is that the ONLY reason you came back?

Heather: no, but it’s the fun part of it anyway.

Alejandro: then… why did you come back?

Heather: (Groans) I came back… for this. (Reluctantly leans in and plants a kiss on Alejandro’s lips. Everyone looks shocked; (Except Gwen who just smirks, and Noah who looks bored) after a few seconds, the two separate from the kiss and embrace each other in a hug) so now I know how you REALLY feel about me, Dead Donkey.

Alejandro: as do I, OLD Heather. As do I.

(Cut to the Flush of Shame; Alejandro and Heather sitting in the bowl)

Alejandro: adiós, Ventosas! This show just got one hundred percent less beautiful! (Heather just rolls her eyes) But I'm not the real villain! A greater evil is lurking!

(Chris, standing next to Mal and Zoey, just yawns)

Chris: Boring!

Heather: hey, he’s TRYING to warn you morons about something!

Chris: don’t care! (Presses the button, Alejandro and Heather circle the bowl)

Alejandro: The truth is in the art! It's in the art! (Heather screams as the two of them are flushed down the toilet)

Zoey: (Wondering) What did he mean about “the art?”

Chris: What did he mean indeed? You'll just have to find out next time, when the Final Eight become the Supreme Seven! Right here, on Total Drama All-Stars!

(End Credits)
Tis Time once again for re-writing... 2 HOURS EARLY! ....I'm not too sure about this one, because to be honest the original episode was boring, but no worries, because next week is ORIGINAL EPISODE TIME AGAIN!!! ^^

DISCLAIMER: :iconbloom-tazza93: and I own nothing!
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Best episode ever!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂