TDAS Re-write episode 2: Evil Dread

Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write episode 2
Evil Dread
Re-written and edited by: Joey Turner and Tanya Furness

Chris: (Voice-over as clips from the last episode play) Last time on Total Drama: I welcomed the All-Stars to the newly decontaminated island. Then, it was Heroes VS Villains, diving into shark-infested waters in search of the one key that would unlock the door to the all-new McLean Spa Hotel, for winners only. Thanks to Scott's cowardly fear of sharks, we learned that in every robot beats the heart of a Spaniard. In this case: Alejandro. And, while Alejandro might not hold the key to Heather's heart anymore, he did hold the key to the spa hotel, and victory for the Villainous Vultures. And the Heroic Hamsters bid farewell to Lindsay via, our newest and most humiliating “commode” of transportation, the Flush of Shame. (Cut to Chris and Chef grinning on the Dock of Shame) Who will be next to pop through the pooper? Find out right now, on Total Drama All-Stars!

(Opening Credits)

(Zoom into the inside of the boy’s side of the loser cabin, on one bunk bed: Brick on the top bunk and Mike on the bottom bunk. On the other bunk: Cameron on top bunk and Owen on the bottom bunk. There’s a mosquito buzzing around, and Mike is mumbling in his sleep as his personalities)

Mike: (Mumbling in his sleep, as Chester) There's a storm 'a coming dagnabbit! (Gasps, now as Svetlana) I'm scared! After all zese years, he's going to return! (Gasps, as Vito) Ayo, how we gonna stop this goombah? (Gasps, as Manitoba) Hush it, mates; Mike is waking up! (Wakes up, as his normal self, still groggy; looks around) Uh… huh, wuzzat? You guys say something?

(The rest of the boys are still peacefully asleep. The mosquito lands on Owen's ear, and drains an absurd amount of blood, leaving Owen rather pale)

Owen: (Giggles in his sleep) ooh Izzy, I love it when you play vampire on my ear.

(Mike shrugs and goes back to sleep, but then at that moment, the bugle call of Brick’s alarm clock sounds throughout the cabin, and Mike shoots upward in fright, fully awake. Owen screams and rolls out of bed, shaking the whole cabin, causing Cameron to fall out of his bunk. Owen stands up with Cameron draped over his face)

Owen: (Picks Cameron up by his shirt) oops, sorry buddy.

Cameron: no worries. Being raised in a bubble, there are far less desirable ways of awakening. (Owen sets Cameron down gently)

(Brick summersaults out of bed, stretches, then silences his alarm clock)

Brick: (Sighs happily) rise and shine, soldiers!

Mike: (Groans) it’s really great having you back, Brick; but are the early morning bugle calls really necessary? I don’t even think Chris is awake by now.

Brick: just trying to keep us all punctual and ready, men! As your captain, it’s my responsibility to ensure that we’re ready for….

Cameron: wait a minute. You get to be team captain? NICE!! How’d you convince Courtney?

Owen: yeah you don’t know her like I do…. When she wants something she can be spooooky!

Brick: that may be, Private, but I’ve yet to meet an argument I COULDN’T negotiate. You see, Courtney and I had a calm, thoughtful, and civilized discussion yesterday after the challenge…

(Cut to yesterday, Courtney has Brick’s arm bent painfully against his back, Brick hollering in pain)

Courtney: there is NO WAY I’m letting YOU be team captain!!!

Brick: (In pain) ma’am, if you will just try to be reasonable and allow me to expl- (Courtney bends his arm harder) MERCY!!!!

Courtney: I DON’T DO REASONABLE!!!!! How do you think I won all those lawsuits?!

(Cut back to the present, Brick rubs his arm awkwardly)

Brick: that girl has an iron grip! But luckily, when she couldn’t break me, we… well mostly I, agreed we’d be co-captains! She takes charge of the other girls, and I’m in charge of team men!

Owen: WHOO-HOO! A DUDE’S TEAM!!! I love it!! It’s so MANLY!! (Chuckles, then pulls all three of them into a bear hug and kisses them on the cheeks. Realizes what he did and slaps himself on the face)

Chef: (From right outside the cabin door) YO! UP AND AT’EM, MAGGOTS! PIPIN’ HOT BREAKFAST SERVED IN YO FACE!!! (Suddenly a bucket of gruel was tossed at the three of them)

Brick: we’re taking fire!! Incoming!! (But too late, the gruel completely covers the four of them)

Chef: (Peers inside chuckling) eat up, suckas! (cackles and scoots away)

Mike: (Gets some gruel on his finger) eew, Sam was right last season, there IS a reason why gruel rhymes with cruel!

Cameron: (Examines gruel) I’m not even sure this is fit for human consumption.

Brick: (Chowing down) maybe not, but anything to get our stomachs ready for another challenge. (Notices Owen eating the gruel no problem) now THAT’S the spirit! You could all learn a lot from Owen over there!

Owen: (Eating delightfully) mmmm, grulley. (Notices Mike and Cam not eating their pieces of gruel) ooh, you guys gonna finish that?

(Cameron and Mike smile at each other)

Mike: uh, nope. All yours buddy!

Cameron: wouldn’t dream of it, Owen.

Owen: daaawww! (Takes huge clump of gruel) you guys are the best! (Chomps the clump down, while the three others look freaked out)

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: (Teary-eyed) now THERE’S a real soldier! (Sniffs tearfully)

(Confessional: Mike)

Mike: Owen is really cool. He’s super friendly and he’s good for when Chef serves us cruel gruel. (Chuckles) I mean ok yes he’s quirky but who am I to judge? (Gasps, turns into Chester) eh, dang kids nowadays! Back in my day kids were so skinny they had to be nailed down just so they wouldn’t blow away in the wind!

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: aww, all the new dudes are so nice to me! I mean they gave me all this delicious gruel for NO REASON! (Chuckles, then feels forehead, still looking pasty) ooh, which I might need because I’m feeling a quart low for some reason…. Maybe those vampire Izzy dreams are more real than I thought!

(Confessional Ends)


(The bloated mosquito sloshing, it smashes through the boys’ window and flies past the girls’ side, we pan in on the girl’s cabin; with Zoey on the top and Courtney on the bottom bunks of one bed, and Dawn on the top and Sierra on the bottom bunks of the other, are sleeping peacefully.  A sudden flash from Sierra's Smartphone makes Courtney bolt up; awake)

Courtney: (Screams) what the heck?!

Zoey: (From the top bunk) Courtney? What's wrong?

Courtney: What's wrong is we're sharing a cabin with a super fan with a bad case of crazy! (Sierra is tapping away at her Smartphone)

Sierra: (Giggles crazily) hey, Courtney; I've updated the sleeping section of your picture gallery on my fan-site, wheee!

(Confessional: Sierra)

Sierra: I hate to break Chris's rules about smuggling in special items like my cell phone; (proudly shoves her phone into the camera, the background being a photo of Cody in the shower, terrified and holding a towel to himself) -But I have to keep my TD blogs current! (Starts typing) “Zoey's even sweeter than she is on TV. Courtney is even..." (Pauses and looks at the camera) "Courtney-er than ever! Dawn read my aura and said I am destined for unexpected love in the future! Still not sure what she could mean since there’s no one I’d love more that Cody-Wody! (She finishes typing) It's better this way; last time I had a teensy bit of a problem with Internet withdrawal. Without this link to Cody-Wody, I'd probably lose my mind!"

(Confessional ends)

Sierra: (Carressing her phone as Courtney and Zoey look confused) Oh Internet, never leave me!

Chef: Room service, suckers! (Tosses another bucket of sludge through the door, Zoey and Courtney scream out as it covers them)

Courtney: What's wrong with you?

Chef: (Peeks his head through the door) Here's breakfast! (Chuckles as he scoots away)

Sierra: (Grinning, waves at Chef) Thank you, Chef!

Courtney: (Speaking to Zoey, wiping the gruel off her face) We've got to win the next challenge and get into that spa hotel!

Sierra: (Happily eating the gruel) True love sure does build up an appetite!

(Zoey and Courtney exchange confused glances at each other, then a slight stirring is heard from Dawn’s bunk. They look to see that Dawn is still asleep, albeit sitting Indian style, mumbling in her sleep)

Courtney: how can she still be asleep after all that!?

Zoey: Dawn’s a very deep sleeper. I guess it comes with the aura reading; sometimes she mumbles in her sleep.

Dawn: (Mumbling, frowning) beware dear souls… for HE is returning. (Smiling) oh, your aura is so fascinating; please tell me more… Noah. (Zoey, Courtney, and Sierra all silently gasp)

(Confessional: Sierra)

Sierra: O…M….G!! If I know a thing or 2 about sleep muttering, and I do since I do it almost every night about Cody, Dawn is totally crushing on Noah!! Ooooh my blog readers are gonna FLIP!!! For some reason they keep wanting Dawn to hook up with Scott... (Giggles) and they say I’M crazy!

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: (Cracking up) Dawn likes NOAH?!?!? (Cracking up) oh that’s just sad! And rich! (Normally) trust me, you fall for a bad boy, you’re gonna get your heart ripped out! …Wait; is Noah even a bad boy?

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: aww, Dawn likes Noah? That’s ADORABLE!!!! I just wish I knew who this “HE” is that she keeps talking about? Does it have something to do with Mike? Is he in danger?! ….maybe I should start looking into Tarot cards like that lady on the phone told me to last week

(Confessional Ends)

(Cut to the Spa hotel, we cut inside to a fancy looking dining room with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, Gwen is sitting on one end with a plate of pancakes, Noah right next to her with pancakes and bacon, Anne Maria with eggs and bacon, and Scott at the other end with a plate full of sausages. The butler lays down a plate of pancakes next to Scott’s seat)

Scott: Oh I am digging this. I can't wait to be a millionaire. I got up at five AM to watch the releasing of the doves, and I'm just gonna say it, (Tearfully) it was beautiful. (Blows his nose into a napkin)

(Duncan sits down next to Scott)

Duncan: Yeah, this is the life! (Scott grabs the plate of sausages and starts chowing it down without utensils) And if we keep winning challenges, we can live like this all season! (Raises glass, Scott does the same) To villainy! (They clink their glasses)

Gwen: (moping) Yeah, villainy...

Duncan: (Slightly concerned) 'Sup with you, Pasty?

Gwen: (Looks up, stuttering) Wha-oh, uh, nothing, just, uh, y'know, wondering how Lightning's doing on Boney Island?

(Cut to Boney Island with stormy skies, lightning crackling up above. Lightning is crouching on a rock and clutching a stick, determinedly scanning the water below him. A catfish swims by Lightning's rock, and he swings his stick into the water, sending the fish flying out of the water and landing on the beach)

Lightning: Ha, fish, you've been struck by Lightning! (One of the monster geese that inhabit Boney Island flies by, grabbing the fish in its mouth) Oh no you don't (leaps off the rock and grabs the other end of the fish, playing tug of war with the goose, the goose pulls him off camera. A bunch of punching and painful squawks are heard. Lightning walks back on screen carrying the battered dead catfish in his hand, victorious) WHOO! (Eats the fish in one bite. Then his stomach gurgles) Sha-dang, this fishy is swimming back upstream! (His cheeks bulge and he runs behind a rock to puke)

(Cut back to the hotel, Jo is now sitting in between Anne Maria and Duncan. The butler lays a plate of steaks in front of Jo)

Jo: I just hope Lightning doesn't find the invincibility statue, if we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong for us to beat later!

Scott: (Contemplating) So maybe we should do it right away...Throw the next challenge.

Anne Maria: (As she talks, bits of food spray in Noah’s face) WHAT!? And give all this up?! FAT chance!!! You know what I found in the bathroom? Hairspray that’s water AND FIRE PROOF!!!! (Squeals)

Noah: (Fake squeals) my life is now complete. (Wipes food off his face) and I wanted the news, not the weather.

Scott: (Snickers) either way, this is sweet! You know what I slept on last night? (In delight) A pillow! Filled with feathers! (Frowns) Back on the farm, it's a burlap sack filled with small animals. You ever have a pillow bite your face?

Duncan: (Looks around) not recently.

Jo: I'd like to enjoy my breakfast now. And that will require you to stop talking.

Duncan: pssh! Whatever, Bossy McPushy! (Gwen snickers) so, Noah, thoughts?

Noah: honestly, I was suspicious of this place, I mean doesn’t it strike you as a little too un-host like for CHRIS of all people to be setting us all up with a place like this without some kind of catch. I mean think about it, CHRIS! The one who blew the funds for the plane in season 3 for his own personal beauty salon?

Gwen: it does seem so…. un-Chris like to give us all this.

Noah: (Dreamily) but then, when I awoke from the sweet sensation of a memory foam mattress…. (Terrified) I WAS RIGHT!!! You know what I awoke to?! One of Chris’ paintings STARING AT ME!!!

Duncan: well, Chris DOES have a face only a Chris could love. (Eyes widen) wait, it wasn’t THAT painting was it?!

Scott: (Terrified) the one where he’s…

Noah: COMPLETELY NAKED!!!!

Gwen: (Chokes on her pancakes) WHAT?! You saw a painting of Chris NAKED?!?! (Looks like she’s about to puke)

Noah: IT WAS HORRIBLE! Do you know what it’s like waking up to CHRIS staring at you… showing his MCKIWIS?!!?!?!

(The villains all put down their food and look like they’re about to puke)

Jo: (To butler) hey, which way is the bathroom?

Butler: (Points to the left) That way, sir.

(The villains all dash into the bathroom)

Gwen: (From inside the bathroom) what, they’ve got golden toilet seats?

Duncan: (From inside the bathroom) well at least we’re puking in style!

(The villains all puke)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Shivering) Chris, if you can hear me, YOU ARE THE EPITEMY OF EVIL!!!

(Confessional: Chris)

Chris: (Laughing) I don’t really remember posing for that painting, but I thought it captured my outer handsome-osity!

(Confessional: Gwen)

(Gwen is turned away from the camera, puking into the confessional toilet)

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the spa hotel's massage table, where Alejandro is in his speed-o, getting a leg massage from a female intern; Heather sitting nearby)

Heather: Quit hogging the masseuse!

Alejandro: (sighs) I'm sure her hands are magical, if only I could feel them.

Heather: (Looking suspiciously at him) Seriously? Your legs are still asleep?

Alejandro: I don't know if they'll ever wake up. (Looks up at Heather; eyebrows covered in tape, his face much cleaner than it was last episode, and his hair back to the length it was in World Tour) I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire 2 years, which you would know since you were the one who PUSHED ME OFF THE VOLCANO!!!

Heather: It's not like I burnt you with the lava! (Notices the covered up eyebrows) Are you getting your eyebrows waxed? Wow...

Alejandro: They call it man-scaping because it is very manly. And while you didn’t burn me with the lava, you still BURNT me by denying my kiss and PUSHING ME OFF A VOLCANO!! And at the very LEAST you could have attempted to come back and save me!

Heather: (look of regret, trying to find the words) Well... Ugh...Whatever!

(Heather grips one of Alejandro's waxing tapes. Cut outside the hotel as a sickening rip is heard, followed by Alejandro’s scream)

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: Puh-lease, this 'my legs don't work' thing is obviously bogus, he just wants sympathy! But news flash, I am not falling for him (Panicked) -it... not falling for it!

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: I have never found Heather to be more radiant! Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me- (Pauses realizing what he said) Keep in mind; I was in a robot suit for 2 years.

(Confessionals end)

Chris: (Through the intercom) Attention Campers, It's challenge time! Get your hineys over to the beach, pronto!

Heather: (Smirking) Shall I fetch the baby carriage? (Gasps as Alejandro starts walking away on his hands) Show off!

(Cut to the beach, the teams on two platforms, minus Lightning; there is a line separating sides of the beach made in stone, and Chris is sitting in his own stand similar to announcer boxes at game stadiums, wearing a red beret, a red ascot, and sunglasses. Gwen climbs up on the villains’ platform, and Duncan winks at her, only to be not noticed)

Chris: Ooh, somebody's invisible! (Chuckles) harsh! TV couples, is it ever a good idea? (Duncan takes another look at Gwen, who secretly winks at Duncan)

(A horn honks as the former Boat of Losers speeds by, Lightning performing a perfect summersault and landing with ease on the Villains’ platform)

Scott: (Prodding Lightning with his elbow) Any luck finding the invincibility statue?

Lightning: (Smugly flexing) No need, I am an invincibility statue!

Noah: (Still on edge) …THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!!

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: I’ve seen statues on Easter Island that have a higher IQ than Lightning! And ONE of those statues was shaped like Lindsay!! ...Says a lot doesn’t it?

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: He is so arrogant! I might understand it if he had THIS face (Points to face), but he does not have THIS face.

(Confessional: Lightning)

Lightning: Arrogant? Be fair now; look at me. (Flexes his muscles) Sha-yeah!

(Confessional ends)

(Noah is still shivering, but stops when he sees Dawn smiling and waving at him. Then he awkwardly smiles and waves back)

Chris: Bonjour, mes campers! Some of you will recall our Season 3 Parisian 'Find and Build a Sculpture' debacle.

Noah: (Rolls his eyes) oui, monsieur; you still owe me a new shoe!

Chris: (Ignoring Noah) Well, this time, our interns have buried 3d puzzle pieces all over the beach. Nine pieces per team; find all your pieces and assemble them on your platform to recreate one of the landmarks visited on our world tour. First to finish, wins.

Owen: (Still a bit pale) WHOO-HOO!!!! WE ARE READY!!!! (Chuckles, but wobbles a bit)

Zoey: (Looks concerned) Owen? Are you ok? You don’t look so good.

Owen: (Laughing) you kidding? I feel AWESOME!!! (Chuckles, then groans) except I feel kind of drained for some reason. (Pulls out a wad of gruel) good thing I saved some of this! (Chuckles and starts munching, earning a look of disgust from the other Heroes, except from Dawn and Sierra)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: honestly, Owen’s been a really sweet guy, but sometimes I don’t know if he has a stomach or a trash compactor in his tummy. (Eyes widen) did THAT sound mean?! Sorry, Owen, if you can see this!

(Confessional ends)

Chris: Since the Villainous Vultures won the first challenge; they get to dig with shovels. (Calling out) Incoming!

(Chef, who is still in the Boat of Losers, tosses 9 shovels at the villains. The shovels fly through the air, Heather flinches to avoid the shovel till Duncan catches it, as do Alejandro (Still on his hands) and Jo, Noah gets hit in the kiwis with his, Anne Maria’s lands in her hair with a clang, and Scott is hit in the face with his. Gwen covers her eyes in fear, but Lightning catches the shovel and hands it to her)

Lightning: (Catches two shovels without looking) Sha-yoink!

Heather: (walks up to Lightning, annoyed) Um, shovel please!

Lightning: Nuh-uh, I need both! When this one gets tired, I'll use this one!

(The camera cut to Gwen as a sharp thwack is heard, Heather walking off with a dented shovel, and Lightning with a shovel shaped dent in his face, falling over)

Owen: (Walking to the edge of the platform, not looking) ooh, hey do we get anything? Like a bucket or (suddenly falls off the platform and into the sand…. Which suddenly collapses under him revealing a moat) OOW! I LANDED ON MY KEYS!!!

Chris: And getting on and off your platforms will be challenging, due to the moats (Jo pokes at the sand with her shovel, making the moat appear) that are filled with-

Owen: (Screams in pain crawls back up covered in crabs which are jumping around in the moat) HOLY CRABS!!! (Owen is dragged back into the pit) OOOW! I LANDED ON MY KI-WIS!!!! (Momentarily stops screaming) hey anyone got any butter? (Resumes screaming)

Chris: (Giggles) I don't know why, but it gets funnier every time.

Lightning: No big thing for Light-oh-ning! (Jumps off the platform) Sha-bam! (He lands safely, but a board springs up from the sand and conks him on the face, launching him into the pit, the other villains, except Duncan and Noah, look confused and concerned. Duncan and Noah just smile)

Noah: (Calling to Lightning) way to take one for the team, Sha-spaz!

Chris: And you might wanna watch out for booby traps in the sand.

Mike: What are we supposed to dig with?

Chris: Sorry, shovels are for winners only. (Laughs) I guess you'll have to use your hands. Your challenge starts now! (Pulls out an air horn and blasts it)

(The Hamsters still on top of the platform [Zoey, Mike, Cameron, Courtney, Sierra, Dawn, and Brick] huddle into a small group)

Zoey: We should divide our area into sections, and each dig in one!

Courtney: No, let's separate the beach into quadrants and each pick a quadrant!

Cameron: That's exactly what Zoey said.

Courtney: Then... good! We'll use the plan that Zoey and I came up with!

Brick: excellent idea, though because we are now short one Hamster, one of us will have to double up on sections to dig.

Courtney: no! We should have one camper do two different sections!

Mike: …uh, that’s exactly what Brick said.

Courtney: (Defensively) good! T-then as co-captain I should get at least 75% of the credit! (Brick just glares at her)

Zoey: (Puts her hand in the center) Go team!

Brick/Mike/Cameron/Dawn/Sierra: (Put their hands in the center) GO TEAM!!

Courtney: (Groans and puts her hand in the center) Yeah, yeah, yeah, can we start digging now?

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: What's with the lovin'? Hello, it's called Total Drama, not Total Friendship!

(Confessional ends)

(By now the villains are on the beach digging, except for Jo and Heather)

Jo: Strategy, people! Stra-te-gy! We should start from one end, and dig to the other one in a straight line!

Heather: (Getting in Jo’s face) And what if the pieces are all at the far end, huh, huh?! We need two lines that push towards the center. Right, guys?

Lightning: (Runs past them) Ain't nobody telling Lightning where to dig! I'm my own man! (Standing in the ocean trying to “dig” into it)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Banging his head against the wall) THE STUPIDITY! IT IS PHYSICALLY HURTING ME!!! …That or I’m still scarred about seeing Chris’ giblets… either way, LIGHTNING IS ADDING TO MY PAIN!!!

(Confessional: Lightning)

Lightning: Sometimes when my tummy's empty, my mind ain't full. Stupid Boney Island fish! (His cheeks bulge again)

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (groans) I can't believe Lightning made it to last season's finale! Does he ever sha-shut up?!

(Confessional: Lightning)

(Lightning is facing the toilet, puking)

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the Heroes’ side. Sierra is digging like a mad dog; the others are not so enthusiastic. Cameron discovers a beeping red light, he touches it explodes suddenly, sending him flying backs and clothes flying everywhere)

Chris: (Grinning) Eww, Chef's dirty laundry! (Cameron pulls a piece of underwear off his face, about to barf) Pretty stinky!

(Cameron tosses the dirty underwear away, and then gasps as he sees a fedora on the ground. Grinning, he walks over to Mike with the fedora)

Cameron: Here, we could use some of Manitoba Smith's treasure hunting skills right about now.

(Cameron puts the hat on Mike, making him gasp. He stands up smiling confidently as Manitoba Smith. His arms start spinning like a wheel and dives into the ground, sending the ground into tremors. He comes up seconds later with a piece of the puzzle in his hands: a white base of a statue)

Manitoba: G'day, beauty! (Tosses the piece onto the platform. Manitoba walks up to Zoey and sits next to her) Phew, looks like the real treasure is right here beside me! (Laughs, winking awkwardly) Wink-wink.

Heather: Fine. We'll work in a circular motion, towards the center.

Jo: No, start with the corners, then move to the center, and zigzag!

Gwen: (Sighs annoyed) Some team.

Heather: Exactly! And a team without a leader is like a horse without a head; it just runs around, blind.

Gwen: I'm pretty sure a horse without a head, doesn't run anywhere.

Noah: it’d probably get further than a Lightning WITH a head.

Jo: (Smirking) Agreed, which is why I should be this team’s leader!

Heather: No, I should!

Jo: Let's let the team decide.

Heather: Fine! (Jo and Heather walk away from each other, calling and whistling for different teammates)

Gwen: (Growls) I give up-whoa! (Trips and falls to Alejandro’s feet)

Alejandro: (Gazing into her eyes) I hope you know that I appreciate your efforts. You are as wise as your skin is translucent.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: I know he's evil, but... (Swoons, starts fanning herself) Oof, those eyes!

(Confessional: Gwen again)

Gwen: (Grabbing onto the camera like in World Tour) I want the tape back! Give me the tape!! How do you open this thing!??!

(Confessional: Lightning)

(Lightning is still puking in the toilet)

(Confessional ends)

(Alejandro continues gazing into her eyes, until he quickly ducks from an oncoming shovel)

Alejandro: AI!!

Duncan: (Standing innocently, revealing to be the one who threw the shovel) oops, sorry there, (Spiteful) AL!!! Hey Gwen, care to help me get the shovel?

Gwen: (Shaking her head, snapping out of it) huh? Oh uh, sure thing! (Quickly runs to Duncan’s side, whispering) thanks for getting me out of it, babe! I don’t know how he keeps doing it! It’s like he’s got some kind of freaky mind control power or something with those eyes!

Duncan: (Smirk) yeah, maybe he’s one of those freaky aliens from Alien Chunks 2: The Blending Revenge; they hypnotize all the babe alien hunters, and then, they EAT THEM LIKE BACON BITS!!!

Gwen: (Laughs) dude, that movie was so cheesy! ...but the blending scenes… man, never knew a dog could look like Lasagna! (They both laugh)

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: you’d think la cucaracha would’ve learned to back off by now! Messing with a lot of the other girls, except Courtney and Heather, was bad enough, (Pulls out shovel) but if he pulls any of that crap with Gwen… (Snaps the shovel in half over his knee) aww crap, now I need a new shovel to ki- err I mean to DIG! Yeah, gonna dig a pretty little grave for Alejandro.

(Confessional ends)

(All the villains are lined up, Jo and Heather standing in front of them on opposite ends)

Jo: (Holding up her shovel) Attention team! I am your leader!

Heather: No, I am! (Jams her shovel back into the sand, a small clang is heard) I found a piece! (She digs it out, revealing a black statue base. Heather picks it up and starts carrying it towards the platform)

Jo: (Runs over to Heather, grabs the other end of the piece) You'd never have found it without me! (They tug at it until they accidently drop it on Jo’s foot, she screams)

Heather: (Smirking) Oops, sorry. (Jo pushes Heather into the moat; crabs swarm her)

Noah: (Laughing) way to step up and take charge there, Queen Heather.

Heather: (From the moat, growling) CHRIS’ KIWIS STARING AT YOU!!!

Noah: (Starts screaming in agony, runs to the moat) move over, you got company!!! (Jumps into the moat, also gets swarmed by crabs)

Chris: (Laughs) Two booby traps, two puzzle pieces, and two deliciously evil moats! It's still anyone's game, but it won't be for long, right here on Total Drama All-Stars!

(Commercial break)

(Close up on Chris)

Chris: (Whispering) An hour has passed and the teams are still tied, one/all. Which raises a pertinent question, (The camera zooms out on the entire beach, Chris is now screaming) WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG!

(The campers all yell back; at some point Lightning yells “I’m Amazing!!”)

Chris: Blahblablah, whine, whine, whine; Hurry up! I have dinner plans!

(Cameron walks by, accidentally stepping on a platform that sends him flying. Scott laughs at him until Cameron falls on top of him, sending him skidding. Cameron gets up and runs off, leaving Scott behind. When Scott gets up, he finds an uncovered piece of the puzzle)

Scott: Alright! (Tosses the piece up onto the platform)

Chris: And that's two for the villains!

(Dawn is feeling around the ground)

Dawn: hmm, there is so much negative energy; it is difficult to locate these pieces. (One of the crabs sidewalks over to Dawn, snipping it’s claws and pointing at a random direction) oh, over where? (Doesn’t notice Noah looking at her in interest. She walks over to the direction the crab had pointed. She digs and uncovers a new piece) yes! (Scoops up the crab and holds it affectionately) oh many thanks to you, little one. (Strokes the crab’s shell, causing it to purr)

Noah: whoa, didn’t know the Heroes had a crab whisperer. How did you do that?

Dawn: hmm? Do what? (Sets the crab down and approaches Noah, looking concerned) Oh my! Your aura has some unusual pukey-green splotches on it; something troubles you deeply!

Noah: oh you have no idea; all I can see is the frightening image of NAKED CHRIS PAINTINGS STARING AT ME!!!!

Dawn: (Blushes furiously) OH MY! (Returns to normal) well if you wish, I may assist in getting rid of those dreadful images.

Noah: (Hesitates, then sighs) alright, color me curious, how are you gonna-

(Suddenly Dawn grabs Noah’s head and twists it left, right, up, down, and even slaps the back of Noah’s neck. Making him fall over. He stands back up, enraged)

Noah: what are you trying to do, kill me!? well listen here Donna Lovegood, if I had a dime every time some psycho chick tried to kill me I’d… (Eyes widen, and is suddenly calm) whoa…. It… it worked! THE IMAGE IS GONE FROM MY HEAD!!! (Laughs, then unexpectedly hugs Dawn. When he realizes what he did, he hesitantly lets go and backs away nervously) whoa I uh… sorry about that, it’s just that I uh… the Chris image and the uh…. (Points behind him) I’m gonna go over this way and (Trips and falls. When he stands back up he finds another piece of the puzzle) huh, maybe your aura reading’s got some kind of good luck spell. (Walks away, leaving a blushing Dawn)

Brick: (Scoots over to Dawn) Dawn, I know this sounds weird, but I’m going to need your piece temporarily to- (Dawn continues looking at Noah and hands Brick her piece) uh… thanks. (Clears throat) ATTEEEEN-HUT! (Owen [back to his regular color] rushes over to Brick and salutes) at ease, Private! Look, this may sound weird, but I need you to use your super powerful sniffer! (Holds out the puzzle piece) Smell this!

Owen: (Shrugs) sure, I love smelling things. (Sniffs the puzzle piece vigorously. A few minutes pass and nothing happens, then suddenly Owen’s arms start swinging around like a wheel) SWEET COCONUT OIL!!!!

(Owen suddenly starts burrowing underground like a mole)

Courtney: what was the point of that? Owen may have a bloodhound nose, but unless those puzzle pieces are cinnamon or chocolate-coated, he won’t be able to-

(A clang is heard. Owen resurfaces with a puzzle piece in his mouth)

Courtney: …ooor maybe he WILL.

Brick: (Smiles proudly) Semper Fi! (Marches over to Owen) excellent work, Cadet! Now if you can just- (Grabs the piece, but Owen tugs at it, growling like a dog) no! nooo! Come on, Owen; give Brick the piece! (Owen still tugs on the piece, growling louder) no! Bad Owen! Bad Owen!

Courtney: (Rolls her eyes and takes off her shoe, then spanks Owen’s head with it) NO! BAD BOY! (Owen stops and looks at Courtney in fear) DOWN! (Owen sits down) GIVE! (Owen spits out the puzzle piece. Courtney pats Owen on the head) good boy, now FIND MORE PIECES!! (Owen crawls away whimpering. Courtney looks at Brick in a gloating fashion) ha! Now that is how you command respect! Take accurate notes, CO-CAPTAIN!!! (Brick just glares at her)

(On the Villains’ side, Anne Maria pulls out a new puzzle piece)

Anne Maria: YEAH BABY! BADA-BING!

Lightning: (Summersaults in and snags Anne Maria’s piece) SHA-BOOYA!! (Runs off)

Anne Maria: aw no! You did NOT just swipe that piece from me!!!

Lightning: I sure did! Next time you gotta be faster than the Lightning there, Orange Girl!

Anne Maria: (Cracks knuckles) ok! No one swipes from me, OR disrespects the tan!!!!

(Anne Maria chases after Lightning, a bunch of beating sounds are heard. Anne Maria walks proudly away with the puzzle piece, while Lightning is now buried in the sand with his legs sticking out. Cut over to Zoey attempting to lift an uncovered piece unsuccessfully; until Manitoba runs over, still smirking)

Manitoba: That's alright, sweetheart; don't strain yourself, allow me! (Starts to pull at the piece instead)

Zoey: (Slightly touched) Well, if you insist...

(Suddenly, a cannon pops out of the sand, Manitoba ducking as it shoots out a boxing glove, missing Manitoba and instead hitting Courtney into the crustacean pit, making her scream and run out of the pit. Brick smirks slightly in triumph)

Gwen: (Smiling as she pulls out another puzzle piece) Yes! Got one!

Duncan: (Walking over) Way to go Gwen- (Suddenly a platform pops out of throwing sand in his face, causing Gwen to giggle)

Gwen: nice one, Sandy. (Duncan smirks under all the sand)

Jo: Finally! (Pulls a piece out of the hole)

Lightning: (Jumps in, snatching Jo’s piece) Lightning to the rescue! Way to go, me! (Runs off)

Jo: Hey! Come back here with that!

Owen: (Running victoriously by, carrying another piece) I AM MAN! I BRING NEW- (Suddenly a pole rises out of the ground, nailing Owen in the groin, making him speak in a squeaky voice) PAAIN!

Chris: (Offering Chef a bowl of cashews) Nuts?

Lightning: (Pulls out a small puzzle piece) Ha, too small for Lightning! (Tosses it away, hitting Jo and sending her into the crab moat, where she mutters incoherent swears as the crabs get her)

Manitoba: (Tossing another piece of the statue, a familiar-looking head, up on the platform) Another! It's like taking vegemite from a roo! (Smirking to Zoey) I could show you how sometime.

Zoey: (Nervously) Heh, no thanks, with Mike maybe. (Walks off)

Manitoba: Yup, she's a loyal one! Mike knows how to pick 'em. (Notices Gwen shivering on her side) hey, what’s got you shivering there, Sheila?

Gwen: sorry, just your accent brings back some not-so-great memories.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: ok, I REALLY don’t mean to sound naggy, but I could have DIED in Australia back in season 3! If my eucalyptus allergy didn’t kill me, being dropped in the hottest part of the outback WOULD have! …Now for the eternal question, what do I hate more? Eucalyptus…. Or Chris?

(Confessional ends)

(Gwen is digging when suddenly water shoots out like a geyser. Chef and Chris fist bump at her annoyed expression)

Duncan: (Chuckles) hey look, it’s the pasty mermaid!

Gwen: (Smirks) yeah, just keep on laughing there, Sandy.

Lightning: (Carries two pieces on his arms, throws them up with the others. Starts talking to his biceps) aren’t you beautiful! (Kisses them) Look at gorgeous you! (Kisses the other biceps) Sexy beast!

Noah: (Looks on) wow, hope you don’t start kissing your pecs, your biceps might get jealous.

(Noah looks over to the Heroes, seeing Owen and Dawn giggling at his joke)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: man I miss having Owen on my team. He may be a ticking time bomb of stink, but at least he could take a joke! But Dawn…. I didn’t think she was into sarcastic wit… and the way she fixed my head, something’s up with her. There’s something more behind those alluring eyes…. (Realizes what he just said) …please tell me I didn’t just say ALLURING eyes!!

(Confessional: Noah, again)

Noah: (Shaking the camera) I want that tape back! GIVE ME THE TAPE!! (Growls) HOW DO YOU OPEN THIS THING?!!?

(Confessional ends)

(Scott steps over the line between the two sides, whistling innocently. When the Heroes aren’t looking, Scott pokes holes into the ground, on the third poke a clang is heard. Scott digs and finds one of the Heroes’ puzzle pieces. Snickering, he digs a hole on the villains side and starts reburying it)

Manitoba: (Looking at Scott suspiciously, gets in his face) What are you up to, kookaburra?

Scott: (Smugly yet innocently) Whatever do you mean?

(Manitoba glares and sticks his finger in his mouth then scoops the sand where Scott had dug with his finger. He licks the sand off his finger, his eyes widening, then he reaches deep into the sand and pulls out the piece that Scott buried)

Manitoba: Ha! (Pulls Scott closer by his t-shirt, smirking) Nice try, you wily dingo!

(Scott steps back, pressing a hidden pressure pad in the sand, releasing a swarm of bees)

Scott: (Panicking) Bees... BEES!

(Scott hastily swings around and whacks Manitoba on the head with his shovel, sending him falling into the dirt and knocking him unconscious)

Zoey: (Voice gets fainter) Mike? MIKE! MIIIKE!

(Zoom in to the inside of Manitoba/Mike’s mind. Inside reveals a small room made out of pink brain matter, with a large picture of Mike adorning a wall, and a table where Vito, Chester, and Svetlana are playing cards)

Svetlana: (Tossing her cards down) Go vith the fishing!

Vito: Ayo, it's go fish, not 'fishing'! (Looks around and groans) Ayo, when’s the shnook gonna take his shirt off already?! Anne Maria’s out there!

Chester: daaah, dang kids with their spray-on tans! Back in my day you had to buy a lady a sarsaparilla if ya wanted to smooch her!

Vito: …what the heck’s a sarsaparilla!?

(Suddenly, Manitoba falls from the ceiling)

Chester: Aw, that can't be good...

Manitoba: (Stands back up) Hey, do you feel that? ...The Malevolent One... He's coming!

(The other personalities shriek in horror. Then they turn to the portrait of Mike, which quickly burned away to a shadowy silhouetted picture of Mike, with hair drooped over one eye and an evil smirk. As the camera pans back to reality, to the unconscious Mike, Zoey’s voice becomes more clearer)

Zoey: Mike, Miike! Oh please be ok, Mike! (Zoey is kneeling next to Mike)

Mike: (Groans awake. Sits up to rub his head) Ughh, my head...

Zoey: (Concerned) No, stop, you need to rest!

Mike: (Standing back up, grabbing his fedora) No, I'm ok... C'mon, we got to go back to digging... (He puts the fedora on as he walks away, Scott still running from the bees in the background. Mike’s eyes widen in realization) Huh, weird, I can't find Manitoba...

(Dawn gasps in horror)

Dawn: oh no, it is too late!

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: (Shaking in fear) I fear for the other’s safety! They have no idea the evil that has just been unleashed! I foresee a dark presence, unexpected love, instruments of destruction, and a once proud foundation will collapse!!!

(Confessional Ends)

(Heather watches Alejandro, who digs up another piece. His leg suddenly twitches)

Heather: (Grinning) Aha, I knew he was faking it! (Just then, a crab crawls out from under his leg, revealing it to be the reason it moved. Heather now looks sad) Oh...

(The crab glares at Alejandro and pinches his foot. Alejandro just yawns)

Jo: Hey, Leggy McLatin, nice accessory! (Alejandro notices the crab; he quickly smashes the crustacean with his shovel. Suddenly a pebble is thrown at his head, Alejandro glares in the direction of the pebble, only to see Dawn whistling innocently)

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: (Bitterly) I may consider myself a very tolerant girl, but the one thing I SHALL NOT stand for, is those who would dare to harm one of Nature’s most noble creatures! Which is why I pray the island is as decontaminated as Chris claims, or there WILL be consequences! (Gets into lotus position, and breaths deeply)

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: His legs are really asleep? (Pouts) Great, now I feel awful.

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: (Smirking, a hind of laughter in his voice) It took all I had to hold in that scream till no one was looking.

(Confessional Ends)

(Back at the beach, Alejandro is holding his breath. When no one is looking, he screams loudly into the hole he has dug)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

(At that moment, Alejandro stands up, his legs working perfectly again. He shakes his hips)

Alejandro: (Smirking) Cha-cha-cha... Surprise!

(Confessional Ends)

(Cameron struggles to carry a puzzle piece; he walks over to a very deep hole)

Cameron: (Calling down the hole) Sierra! What are you doing? You're like twenty feet deep!

(Pan down to show that she is indeed deep in the ground, apparently having never stopped digging)

Sierra: Guess I got carried away, (Giggles nervously) I was pretending I was digging for Cody! (Jumps out of the hole) How many pieces do we have now?

Cameron: I don't know, maybe we shou- (Sierra grabs Cameron’s piece, along with Cameron himself, and tosses them both onto the platform. When he lands, he counts the puzzle pieces) We've got eight out of nine pieces!

Zoey: You guys start working on the puzzle! We'll keep digging.

Brick: (Salutes) YES, MA’AM! (Turns to Owen) find anything yet soldier!?

(Owen is sniffing at the ground until he stops at a certain area)

Owen: (Sniffing) huh, that’s weird… this smells like one of those spring-loaded platforms… oh cra-

(Just at that moment, a platform springs straight out of the ground, launching Owen into the air, before he lands in the ocean; he bounces off a conveniently passing boat, and lands in the ocean)

Owen: (Underwater) mommy.

Chris: (Innocently hiding a smirk) When we did our safety test that boat wasn't there.

Chef: As if we test these things.

(Both of them start snickering. While Mike, Duncan, Anne Maria, Courtney, Heather, and Jo all start laughing; Zoey, Sierra, Brick, and Noah look concerned)

Zoey: (To Mike) how can you laugh?

Mike: (Still laughing) I’m sorry, I can’t help it. He just makes everything so funny!

(Owen washes up on the shore, and when he does, he is covered in jellyfish. Nobody’s laughing anymore; but Jo, Chris and Chef are still snickering)

Mike: (Nervously) whoa, ok! …Stand perfectly still, Buddy. Uh… Dawn, can you-

(Before Mike can finish, Dawn is already gently removing the jellyfishes gently from Owen, all the while not getting stung)

Dawn: (Places a jellyfish back in the ocean) be free, fair ocean dweller. (Returns to Owen for another one) this may take a long time, but as long as the gentle creatures are not startled then…

Lightning: (picking up a bottle cap) OOH! Lucky quarter! This must be Lightning’s lucky day!! SHA-BAAAAAM!!!

(At that moment, the jellyfish all become startled and cling to Owen harder…. And then start ZAPPING him violently. Everyone, even Heather and Courtney, cringe)

Noah: (Grabs Lightning’s “quarter”) congrats, bacon-brain! It’s your lucky day for finding a BOTTLE-CAP! (Throws it at Lightning, it bounces off his head like rubber)

Lightning: you’re just lucky I don’t pound ya INTO bottle cap!

Noah: …THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!!!

(Suddenly two jellyfish are flung at Noah and Lightning, and they get zapped as well. Noah peels the jellyfish off his face and tosses it into the ocean. Lightning’s jellyfish clings to the top of his head and zaps him again)

Lightning: (Suddenly speaking smartly) I do believe that the static charge of the phylum Cnidaria has dislodged a blockage in my cranial flow.

(Everyone, including Chris and Chef’s, jaws immediately drop)

Gwen: (In shock) …L-Lightning?

Jo: (In shock) you said something smart?

Anne Maria: like a smarty-pants or whatever?

Lightning: indeed I have, gentle females. And with my dormant intellect rediscovered, I vow to dedicate my life to curing all known illnesses, discover an alternative source for oil, discover the secrets to cold fusion and- (The jellyfish zaps him again, and now he’s speaking like his normal self) Lightning’s goin’ to the SUPER-BOWL!!!! (Forcefully pulls the jellyfish off his head; swings it around by its tentacles) SHA-BAAAM!!! (Tosses the jellyfish back into the ocean) HA Jellyfish! Your jelly just got struck by the LIGHTNING!!! (All the other contestants groan in disappointment)

(Confessional: Jo)

Jo: (Growls) so close!!!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Sighs in disappointment) well so much for that. It would have been nice to have ONE smart guy on our team besides Noah. I mean Alejandro can be smart at times, but flirting with girls is NOT a smart move anymore. Scott’s not exactly a master planner, and Duncan… (Snickers) he can be a caveman sometimes… a super hot caveman with a Mohawk and REALLY hot lips, but a caveman never the less.

(Confessional Ends)

(All eight of the found pieces lay on the platform, as Sierra and Cameron look them over)

Cameron: A book, a crown… what the heck are we supposed to be building? …Wait, I got it, these pieces make the statue of liberty!

Lightning: (Holding up another piece of the puzzle) That's nine! Let's start sha-building!

(Lightning runs past Alejandro and Gwen, who quickly follow, along with all the other villains. Lightning leaps up to the platform with little effort, Alejandro leaps, but fails to make it; his body makes a bridge)

Jo: (Walking on top of Alejandro) Coming through

Scott: (Walking on top of Alejandro) woo-hoo!!

Anne Maria: (Walking on top of Alejandro) thanks, Doll!

Gwen: (Walking on top of Alejandro) sorry, Alejandro.

Heather: (Walking on top of Alejandro) keep still!

Noah: (Walking on top of Alejandro) knew we kept you for a reason.

Duncan: (Walking on top of Alejandro) thanks, buddy. (Laughs)

(Alejandro just growls, only to have a crab pinch his nose. On top, the villains, except Heather, Jo, and Lightning start putting the puzzle together)

Heather: Come on people! Put this thing together already!

Anne Maria: you know you COULD help, Scarecrow!

Alejandro: (To Duncan) Try those two together! No, those two!

Lightning: (Posing) Lightning finds the final piece! I'm a hero! It's probably a statue of me! Being me!

Noah: (Smirking) yeah, I forgot during season 3, we visited Mount Beefmore; home of the world’s sexiest JERKEY-BRAINED MORON!!

Lightning: pssh, sha-please! Ain’t no mountain sexier than Lightning!

(Noah groans even louder. The Villains look over the partly finished statue, of a familiar looking tower)

Gwen: It's tall, whatever it is. And boxy, like a tower... oh, Big Ben!

Duncan: ha, sweet! (Wraps his arm around Gwen) good times. (Winks at Gwen, who blushes)

Noah: (Glaring) ahem!

Gwen: (Looks at Noah awkwardly) well…. good times for some, more than others.

(The Heroes look over their statue, which looks exactly like the Statue of Liberty, only missing the torch arm)

Zoey: One piece to go, it must be in Owen's quadrant!

Owen: (simmering, but with all the jellyfish removed) I’m on it…. as soon as I get the feeling back in my arms…. And legs… and face. (Chuckles nervously)

Brick: hold on, Soldier; I’m not leaving you behind like this! (Runs to Owen)

Cameron: All we need is the torch! Hurry! (All the Heroes jump off the platform)

Heather: (Notices that Big Ben is missing its clock face) What's with the big hole?

Gwen: Maybe we put it together wrong...

Lightning: (Annoyed) Oh come on, just get it sha-done! (Grabs a crab, placing it where the clock would be. The crab snaps its claws, causing the whole thing to collapse)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Almost speechless) how di… why di… AT WHAT POINT, IN THAT INFINTE BLACKHOLE HE CALLS A BRAIN, DID THAT EVEN MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!!! (Growls, starts slamming head into confessional walls)

(Confessional Ends)

Jo: (Groans, everyone glaring at Lightning) Way to go, Liability!

Lightning: (Defensively) Hey, it's not my fault you put it together wrong.

Alejandro: We didn't put it together wrong, there are only eight pieces!

Jo: Great. So Lightning miscounted. (Picks up shovel, she and the other villains walk back to the beach) Come on, everyone, we've still got digging to do.

Lightning: I counted nine! This is a conspiracy!

(Heather and Jo start searching in one hole)

Heather: Yeah, a conspiracy of being a moron!

Jo: Oh yeah! (Pulls out the clock face)

(Brick, Zoey and Mike try shoving Owen from the spot he collapsed on)

Owen: gingerly, gingerly, GINGERLY! (Is finally turned over)

Zoey: (Noticing the buried piece) The torch!

(Zoey pulls the piece out, the Heroes cheering her on, and she pole-vaults it at the statue, making it land safely on the now completed Lady Liberty)

Chris: The Heroic Hamsters win!

(The Villains groan in disappointment, while Owen, Mike, Brick, Dawn, and Zoey cheer)

Courtney/Sierra/Cameron: (Cheering, Sierra lifting Cameron like a doll) Spa hotel, spa hotel!

Chris: Ahem, I do require a volunteer for exile duty!

Owen/Brick: I’ll do it! (Look at each other) huh?

Brick: most noble of you, Owen, but as the strongest player on this team (Courtney glares at him) …er, besides Courtney, I think I am most qualified to put myself on the line for my team.

Owen: yeah, but I got hurt a lot and nearly cost us the win... plus I’m scared to see that painting that Noah keeps screaming about.

Chris: (Smiling mischievously) tell you what, since you two are so noble, and because my dinner plans are in 5 MINUTES- (Pulls out a remote control, presses the button, and a large explosion happens underneath Owen and Brick, they land in the boat of losers, unharmed)

Owen: (Chuckles) oh well, at least we’ll have each other. Which is good cus Boney Island can get SPOOOOOKY when it gets dark.

Brick: (Terrified) wait… spooky AND dark? Uh wait, I just gotta grab my night vision- (Before he can finish, the boat starts chugging away. Brick starts panicking) w-wait! WAAAIT!!

(The Heroes, except Dawn, walk away triumphantly. Gwen looks awkwardly at Courtney)

Gwen: Hey Courtney... (Courtney stops and glares at Gwen) I just wanted to say congrats on wi-WOAH!

(Gwen steps on another hidden booby trap, a spring shoots up launching a garbage bag flying up into the air. Gwen quickly slams her shovel into the garbage bag, sending it flying into Courtney. Courtney coughs, having rotten watermelon on her face. Chris claps sarcastically, and Courtney walks away glaring, Gwen walking after her panicking)

Gwen: That was an accident; I didn't mean to-

Chris: Gwen, Gwen, Gwen ...So evil. You are definitely on the right team.

(As the contestants are walking off the beach Gwen catches up to Duncan, Gwen looks upset)

Duncan: You okay, pasty? You don't look too good.

(Duncan then notices Courtney covered in garbage. She walks past the couple glaring at them as she passes. Duncan looks at her for a split second then bursts out laughing. He then notices Gwen looking more upset he then stops laughing.)

Duncan: What? That’s comedy gold right there!

Gwen: Yeah, but it just irks me that I'm being typecast as a villain over one little thing, overlooking all the other things I've done.

Duncan: yeesh, babe, take a pill. I don't think you're a villain.

Gwen: (Eyes widen) you don’t?

Duncan: nah. You’re more of a…. anti-hero type thing. You don't take crap from anyone, good or evil. Which I think is awesome and you got a point; you’re about as much of a villain as Lightning's a rocket scientist.

Gwen: (laughs) If Lightning built a rocket I think I'd rather fly into the sun. (They both chuckle) And thanks, babe; at least there’s one perk about being a villains.

Duncan: And what's that?

Gwen: being stuck with you. (They look at each other smiling. then they wrap their arms around each other for a hug)

Noah: (Smirking) aww, why don’t you two get a room? Oh wait, you can’t, because LIGHTNING cost us the challenge!!

Lightning: (Glaring at Noah) hey, it ain’t Lightning’s fault that you’re a lousy architecteologist!

Noah: (Groans) it’s ARCHEOLOGY!!!!

Lightning: WHATEVER! You flush me, and you’re flushing your strongest player! And Lightning’s too perfect to get flushed! Sha- (Before he can finish, Dawn leaps off the platform, bounces off Lightning’s head, making his pass out, and lands gracefully on her foot)

Noah: (Impressed) huh, well that’s ONE way to shut him up.

Dawn: I am not one to indulge violence, but anyone who would mistreat the gentle jellyfish like that must be punished!

Noah: (Smiling awkwardly) uh… yeah, gotta love them Jellies. (Dawn and Noah both blush, smiling at each other)

Duncan: (Chuckling) hey careful there Dawn, I know where those lips have been, and so does Cody! (Laughs even harder)

Noah: (Growls. Picks up his shovel) yeah, let’s see you laugh at THIS, PIERCINGS!!!

(Noah charges at Duncan)

Duncan: (Looks nervous, then smiles and winks at Gwen) gotta run!

(Duncan runs away laughing, while Noah chases after him with a shovel. Cut to the bonfire ceremony at night, the villains are on the stumps, while the heroes are in the peanut gallery)

Chris: Welcome Hamsters, sit back, enjoy the show. Vultures, it's time for you to vote off your first villain.

(The camera cuts to Mike, his hair drops down to cover one eye, and the one that wasn't covered has dark rings around it)

Mike: (Deeper voice with a reverberating effect) One by one, they will all fall.

Zoey: Huh? Did you say something, Mike?

Mike: (Gasps, looking and speaking normally, oblivious to what he just said) Ah, no, just sitting here.

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: Lightning cost us the challenge, but Jo's annoying. Tough call.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: Ugh, I don't know who to vote for. They're all evil! …Though Duncan mostly THINKS he’s evil… but still-

(Confessional ends)

Chris: before we start, one of my favorite paintings, you know, the one with me au natural, is MISSING FROM THE HOTEL!!! And when I find out who swiped it, THEY ARE SO OUTTA HERE!

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: wait… the painting’s…. gone? …(Cheers loudly) YES!! VICTORY!!! Whoever took the painting; you have my YOU DON’T SUCK rating!!!!

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Cooled down, holding the cards) The following players are safe for another day. (As Chris announces the name, the named person is tossed a marshmallow) Duncan, Gwen, Scott, Alejandro, Noah, Anne Maria and Heather. Lightning, you're on the chopping block for your crummy math skills, and incessant bicep kissing

Lightning: If they were yours, you'd do it too! (Kisses his biceps)

Chris: …fair enough. And Jo, you're on the block for your annoyingly pushy campaign to send Lightning home.

Lightning: You did what? (Jo smirks)

Chris: And tonight's loser is... (After the usual tense camera flashes, Jo glaring, and Lightning kissing his biceps. Chris reveals Lightning’s portrait with a red X over it) Lightning!

Lightning: (Shocked) Sha-what?

(Cut to the Flush of Shame, where Lightning sits in the toilet, the Villains and Chris looking at him)

Lightning: Tossing away your strongest team member! You're gonna regret this! Especially you, Jo, you're a total sha-AAAGH!

(Suddenly Chris pushes the button, sending Lightning down the toilet)

Chris: Family show people, family show. Who else is in line for a porcelain goodbye? Find out next time on Total Drama All-Stars!

(End Credits)