TDAS Re-write episode 3: Saving Private Leechball

Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write
Episode 3: Saving Private Leechball
Re-written and Edited by Joey Turner and Tanya Furness

Chris: (Voiceover, recounting last episode’s clips) Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, our heroes and villains went digging for buried treasure and uncovered a few nasty surprises. The girls found out that moonchild Dawn has a crush on Noah, who got sight of the beauty that is my Chris Au Naturale painting… which was stolen by one of these no good, art criticizing ROTTEN LITTLE… (Calmer) Owen’s powerful sniffer once again surpassed any of the world’s best bloodhounds. Scott villain’d it up big time; trying to sabotage the heroes. When he got caught, he didn't take it so well. But in the end, the Heroic Hamsters were victorious, and Lightning, fresh from a hungry night of exile on Boney Island, made enough boney-headed moves to get the royal flush from his teammates. Sixteen competitors remain, which one of them will ride the sewer system next? Find out right now on Total Drama All-Stars!

(Theme song)

(Close in on the loser cabin, the boys’ side. Duncan and Alejandro share one bunk bed, Duncan on the bottom and Alejandro on top, wrapped in a sleeping bag)

Duncan: Ugh, I had almost forgotten about these craptacular cabins.

Alejandro: (sighs) Let us hope it is our only visit.

(On the other bunk bed, Noah has the top bunk while Scott has the bottom bunk. Noah looks more relaxed lying comfortably on his bed, while Scott looks unhappy sitting on the edge of the bed)

Noah: (Sighs) I dunno. I kinda missed these old rustic death traps. There is less CHRIS art staring at you! (His bed suddenly caves in, and he slips through the hole and gets stuck. In pain) I take back EVERY good thing I said about this bed!!!

Scott: (Flops down onto the bed, only to find it stiff) Owww, I miss the hotel. Now that I know how rich people live, everything I used to love stinks! (Throws his fist down, only to have the bed collapse under him, and Noah over him. He screams and stands back up with a spring stuck in his eye) Lousy discount bed! (Punches the rubble, only for Noah to holler in pain. Scott pulls his hand back, screaming, with nails stuck in it)

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: Scott’s ok. At least with him you know what you're getting... which is crap, but still, nice to know. And Noah… eh, he’s ok; just miss when I was the only smart aleck on the team.

Noah: (From outside the confessional) that would imply that you were smart at all, Captain Piercings! (Chuckles, Duncan elbows into the confessional wall) OW! Sensitive!

(Confessional Ends)

Alejandro: Well goodnight, gentleman. (Zips up his sleeping bag and sighs contently)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: After 2 years in that robot suit, I find it difficult to sleep if I'm all... spread out.

Noah: (From outside) oh hey guys? Did you know that Alejandro was in a robot suit for 2 years? No? Well you’ll know about it soon! Because he NEVER shuts up about… (Alejandro elbows the side of the confessional) OW! It’s the SAME EYE!!!

(Confessional ends)

(Pan over to the girls’ side; Jo is on top of one bunk bed and Gwen is on the bottom. Jo and Heather are arguing, Anne Maria is spraying her hair, and Gwen is trying to sleep)

Heather: Thanks again for blowing the challenge, Jo!

Jo: Me!? You're the one who wasted time arguing instead of digging!

Heather: I wouldn't have needed to argue if everyone just did what I told them to do! I'm the one with the most experience on this team!

Anne Maria: yeah, but maybe if you two pulled your own weight and got that last piece, I’d be up to my ‘girls’ (Referring to her boobs) in that fireproof hairspray!

Heather: yeah, because 18 coats of hairspray an hour are NEVER enough for that pile of turd you call hair!

Anne Maria: hey! Don’t gimme lip just because I got the goods, while Blondie over there’s all dull and lifeless, and YOU’VE got nothing but those pony-haired plugs!

Heather: hey!! These EXTENSIONS are HUMAN HAIR!!!

Gwen: (Groans) It's everyone's fault for not working together as a team! Now cram it, (Throws a pillow to her ears) I am trying to sleep!

(Confessional: Anne Maria)

Anne Maria: yeesh, what’s Pasty’s problem?

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Gasps) Did that sound villainous? I-I didn't mean to be harsh, but, ooh, bunking with the Bickersons is driving me bonkers!

Noah: (From outside) nice alliteration there, Gwen. You’re a real Edgar Allen Gothball! (Snickers, but Gwen raises her boot and fiercely kicks into the confessional wall) OW!!! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE EYE?!!?

Gwen: (Snickers) ok, that WAS mean, but it had to be done.

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Holding an icepack to his right eye) do they just PLAN which eye to aim for? (Sighs) man I miss being on a team with Owen, at least HE laughs at my witty humor!

(Confessional ends)

(Pan over to the spa hotel, on one of the balconies, an owl is hooting loudly)

Butler: (Approaches owl) Shhhh, sir. (The owl stops hooting)

(Inside the spa hotel bedroom, Sierra tucks her phone into her bed)

Sierra: (Cooing) There you go, Cody-bear! All tucked in! Today was a great day, I made some new friends, and I helped win our first challenge! Aw, he'd be so proud! Sweet dreams! (She kisses the phone, kneeling on the bed, she then trots over to the edge of the bed like a cat, kneads the mattress and curls up.)

Courtney: (Groans) Weirdo.

(Cut to the boys’ room in the spa hotel, Mike jumps into a bed, relaxing)

Mike: (Yawns) oh yeah, this is the life!

Cameron: (In the bed next to Mike’s) Yeah, but I feel a little guilty looking at Owen and Brick's empty beds.

(The Camera pans over to two empty beds, one has a duffle bag on it, the other looks rather lumpy)

Mike: (Gets up, notices Owen’s mattress) huh, that’s weird, Owen’s mattress looks a little lumpy. (Presses down on the bed, hearing a crinkle sound) What the? (Pulls back blanket, revealing a huge pile of junk food) whoa! THIS must be the legendary junk food stash!

Cameron: wow, that pile must have every artery-clogging, teeth-rotting food known to human kind! You don’t suppose he would notice if we had ONE mallomar, do you?

Mike: (Re-covers stash) no can do, Cam; if high school taught me anything, never come between a guy and his food.

Cameron: yeah, you’re right. I hope they’re ok over on Boney Island!

(Cut to Bony Island, where a bunch of bears are crowded around a tree, one even carrying an axe, and another carrying a ketchup bottle. Pan up to Owen and Brick on the tall branch. Owen looks relaxed on his belly, while Brick is shivering in fear)

Brick: b-b-be brave soldier; you’re safe from the bears ….In the dark and s-s-spooky Island. (Suddenly a bird gently lands on Brick’s head. He screams in fear, and then a sprinkling sound is heard. Brick holds his crotch in embarrassment) sorry about that, Owen.

Owen: (Chuckles) no biggy, Brick. A dude should not put a cap on their bladders… or bowels! (Releases a massive fart. Chuckles) sorry.

Brick: (Coughs) well, that’s very insightful of you, soldier. But how come you’re not scared?

Owen: because I’m the naturalist. I am one with nature, and all of its tiny woodland creatures. (A squirrel crawls on the branch, stopping next to Owen) like this little one, (Gets his face close to the squirrel) hello, little squirrel. Be not afraid, I wuv you. (The squirrel throws a nut at Owen’s eye. Owen screams in pain) NOT BEING ONE WITH NATURE!!! (Suddenly slips and falls out of the tree. A bunch of mauling sounds and screams of pain are heard)

Brick: I’M COMING SOLDIER!!! (Swan dives after Owen, more punching sounds are heard, as the squirrel watches intently)

(Cut back to a sleeping Cameron; but pan up to a shadowy Mike, bearing the same evil hair-down look from last episode. He opens a window, picks up Owen’s entire stash of junk food, and tosses it right out the window. He then walks over Bricks bag, unzips it, and pulls out Brick’s new night vision goggles)

Mike: (Laughs maliciously, his voice echoing again) perfect.

(Mike lifts the goggles over his head and pulls them apart effortlessly)

Mike: (Gasps, returns to normal) What the- how did I- (Notices the goggles and gasps) Oh no! (He looks around and stuffs the goggles back into Brick’s duffle bag)

(Cut to the next morning at breakfast. The heroes sit at the table, all eating delicious food)

Cameron: (holding an egg, gasps in amazement) Ah, I've never seen eggs so perfectly hardboiled! The odds are ten trillion to one!

Mike: (Excited, clutching bacon in both hands) Maple. Bacon? Let's never lose again!

Dawn: (Nomming on her pancakes) ooh, I have never experienced such a delightful sensation of fluffy goodness!

Courtney: (The only one not looking happy) It's not all perfect. Hey, butler? (The butler comes immediately) I've got a problem. (While she talks, Cameron sneaks 2 eggs into his hoodie pocket, Zoey and Mike some pieces of bacon in their pockets, and Dawn some pancakes and toast into hers) This juice is about 5% too pulpy. I thought you were supposed to cater to our every wh-oh! (The butler returns with a new glass of juice) That was fast. (Courtney grabs the juice) But I'm sure it won't be (Takes a sip of the juice, smiles) ...perfect!

Chris: (Over loudspeaker) Attention Campers, forest recon in five, over!

(Cut to the 14 campers walking along the forest, Alejandro still on his hands)

Heather: (Stops, calls Gwen over) Listen, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday; you're right, teamwork is key. (Offers hand) Apology accepted?

Gwen: Wow, sure! (Shakes Heather’s hand)

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: Teamwork? (Scoff) don't make me barf! I am still gonna take control.

(Confessionals end)

Jo: (Walks up to Gwen) Ok, you were right; teamwork is the way. (Brings up her fist) Truce?

Gwen: (Confused) Uh, sure... (Fist-bumps Jo)

(Confessional: Jo)

Jo: And getting Gwen on my side is the best way to do it-

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: -After all, where Gwen goes,

(Confessional: Jo)

Jo: Duncan follows.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Annoyed) I know they're both trying to play me. (Excited) And I love it! For once, I've got a little power around here! Go team Gwen!

(Confessional ends)

(Courtney walks behind Gwen and Duncan, glaring at Gwen)

Gwen: (Growls) Courtney's glaring at me, again!

Duncan: yeesh, you’d think her eyeballs would’ve fallen out by now.

Gwen: Can't you make her stop?

Duncan: Love to, but right now I'm blanking her like she's blanking me, so no can do! But let me know if you catch her looking my way.

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: ok… that came out WAY wronger than it was supposed to sound. I know what you’re thinking, and NO! I DON’T STILL LIKE COURTNEY! See with me, I mess with people for a reason: Gwen and I mess with each other cus we’re dating, I mess with Harold because it’s fun, and I mess with Courtney for revenge! …No not because she’s bruised my kiwis WAAAAY more times than I can count… it’s because of Gwen. COURTNEY got Gwen booted in season 3. …yep, payback’s a bi-

(Confessional ends)

(Gwen stops and sighs as Courtney walks past)

Alejandro: (Stops by Gwen) If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let anyone gaze at you, lest they spoil your ethereal beauty. Just something to consider. (He walks off)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: Heather and Jo are trying to lure Gwen into an alliance. And I intend to beat them to it! Then I'll be the one that Heather needs, (Chuckles, then realizes what he said) Uh, um, and Jo. Heather and Jo! (Chuckles nervously)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Salutes, wearing a military helmet) At ease, soldier! (The campers all stop in front of him)

Dawn: (Notices Noah’s black eye) oh my goodness! What happened to you?

Noah: oh I walked into a couple doors. A couple doors named (Glares at Duncan, Alejandro, and Gwen) MY TEAMMATES!

Gwen: I said I was SORRY!!

Duncan: (Smirking) I didn’t.

Alejandro: not the apologetic sort, but what can you expect from an eel? (Noah just glares at him)

Chris: Let's all welcome back exiled hamsters, Owen and Brick!

(Chef pulls up in his jeep carrying Owen (Who has a bruised eye and scratches) and Brick (with scratches oh his own). Brick carries a disorientated Owen off the jeep)

Jo: well, nice to see you made it back, G.I. JOKE! (Chuckles)

Brick: (Glares at Jo, but salutes his teammates) team!

Zoey: (Concerned) hey, guys; how was exile?

Brick: (Panicking) IT WAS AN ALL-OUT BATTLE-ZONE!!!

Owen: (wobbled) WE WERE ALMOST TURNED INTO BEAR-KABOBS!!!

(They both look at each other and smile confidently)

Owen/Brick: it wasn’t too bad. (Chuckle)

Owen: at least the pain from all the mauling went away after I lost the feeling in my legs, and after all the drain bamage. (Eyes go walled. He falls forward and groans)

Mike: (He and the other heroes run over) Don't worry, buddy; we smuggled you both breakfast!

(Mike and the other heroes each hand both Owen and Brick something from their breakfast)

Owen: (Takes some maple bacon from Zoey) aww, you guys are the best! (Munches on bacon) oh-ho-ho-hooo! SWEET MAPLE BACON! Take me awAAAAY!!!

Brick: (Taking a hard boiled egg from Cameron and some toast from Mike) what I tell you, soldier? Go into the heat of battle, and come back with maple-flavored shore leave! (Raises egg, Owen raises a piece of bacon) simper fi!! (He and Owen clink their foods together like glasses)

Sierra: (Looking back at Courtney, who has no food) Courtney, what did you bring Owen and Brick?

(Courtney looks away awkwardly)

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: No one told me we were doing that!

(Confessional ends)

Chris: Welcome to today's experiment with your pain thresholds. (Rubs his hands together menacingly, chuckling. The contestants cringe; a TV is wheeled behind Chris, showing visual aids as he speaks) Get ready for an ingenious twist on the war movie challenge from season two. There are two weapon caches in the heart of this forest. The big one is filled with state of the art paintball weaponry, and the little one has a bunch of crappy old paintball slingshots. Whoever gets there first gets their pick, and then you've gotta pick off the competition.

Courtney: (Scowling at Gwen) Looking forward to it.

Chris: You get one point for each opponent you splatter; first team to 8 points wins, and one of the losers will get a dishonorable discharge tonight; flush o' shame style.

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: FINALLY, a WAR challenge! This is where my military training is gonna truly shine! I’ll show Courtney who’s got what it takes to be a REAL leader, and Jo and me can finally settle the score once and for all!

(Confessional: Jo)

Jo: ok, this is GOOD because I’m the MEANEST shooter and NO ONE will get in the way; but BAD because Brick’s ALMOST as tough as me; but GOOD because him volunteering to go to Boney Island probably battered him up! That’s what happens when you get all chivalrous, Soggy McGee!

(Confessional ends)

Duncan: (Scoffs) paintball again? Ooh, original! What a twist.

Chris: (Sounds dejected) Oh yeah, that ...One of the conditions of my parole is I can't use or be around hard projectiles like paintballs. (Chef walks up behind him) Sooo, instead, you'll be using leeches! (Chef displays a wriggling leech; all the contestants (Except Dawn) look disgusted)

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: Leeches? Chris is really making us earn the million this year, (Pouts) jerk.

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: (Holding a leech lovingly in her hands, stroking it with her finger) how much more abuse can Chris bestow on these gentle creatures before he is finally satisfied? These leeches have a right to live freely, as do all of Mother Nature’s great creatures! (The leech springs out of Dawn’s hand and clings to her forehead) aww, the poor thing must be starving! (The leech bloats up, but Dawn doesn’t notice)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: As winners of yesterdays challenge, the heroes get a full 1-minute head start. (The heroes cheer loudly) Ready, (Chef raises a pistol) Set, (Chef fires the pistol, a leech fires out and lands on Scott’s face, clinging to it) Go! (The timer on the TV screen counts backwards from 1-minute, the heroes set off, Owen lagging behind slightly. Dawn glares at Chris)

Dawn: promise us that you will NOT shoot another innocent leech!!

Chris: (Innocently) moi, shoot anymore leeches? Wouldn’t dream of it! …That’s what I have CHEF for! (Chef fires another leech, which lands on Scott again)

Heather: (Walks up to Jo, glaring at her) You know who could outrace the hamsters, even with a head start? Lightning! Way to ruin everything, Jo!

Jo: We all voted him off, remember?

Noah: it’s not like he would’ve been much help, he probably would’ve just spent the whole time kissing his biceps and running into trees!

Jo: (Chuckles) see? Black-Eyed Pea-Wee here gets it!

Noah: (Sarcastically) ooh, ouch, that one cuts like a knife. (Clutches his black eye)

Alejandro: We may not need to worry. (Points to Owen, whose legs are wobbly)

Owen: jelly leg! Jelly leg! JELLY LEG!!! (Falls forward) aww man! I think the bears beat my legs into a coma! Now I know how Al feels!

Mike: (He, Sierra, and Brick run back to help him up) We gotcha, buddy!

Gwen: (Sighs happily) now that's teamwork.

Heather: (Walks up to Gwen, grinning) Yeah, work together now, crush each other later. Like you and Courtney!

Gwen: (gasps) What?

Heather: (Still smiling) The allergy bouquet, the stink bomb, I love how you insist you want to be friends so she never sees it coming.

Gwen: Uh...

Heather: (whispers conspiratorially) Talk about evil genius!

Gwen: But I really didn't do those things on purpose, really!

Heather: (Nudges Gwen, winking) Sure... (Narrowly ducks an oncoming leech) hey!!

(Duncan whistles innocently, holding Chef’s pistol behind his back; Chef swipes the pistol back. The TV counted down from 4 seconds left)

Chris: Villains, you're up in 3, 2, (Chef cocks the pistol, Scott is trying to pull the leech off his head) 1!

(Another fire from Chef's pistol sends another on top of Scott’s head. Chris and Chef giggle and high-five, the villains run off. Cut to the forest, where the Heroes are running, Mike, Brick, and Sierra still carrying Owen over their shoulders)

Courtney: Move it, hustle! Or so help me, you'll never see another sunrise!

(Confessional: Mike)

Mike: Courtney is kind of scary sometimes... (Gasps, his hair falling over his eye, and once again he speaks evilly) And I love when things get scary. (Laughs, then gasps, returning to normal) So uh, what was I saying?

(Confessional Ends)

Sierra: (Huffing) Does anyone know where the heart of the forest is, exactly?

Zoey: I'll go get a better look! (Leaps up into the trees and jumping back and forth to the top, all of the contestants gape in awe and amazement)

(Confessional: Mike)

Mike: wow, not that I’m complaining, but I never knew Zoey was so… ATHLETIC! I think she’d get along with Svetlana …If she ever decides to come out again. (Gulps)

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: wow! I gotta admire that kind of commando maneuvering! I think we can all benefit from having Zoey on our team!

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: Zoey has some seriously impressive skills... And that is why she's got to go.

(Confessional ends)

Zoey: (Points off-screen) Over there! (The Heroes run into that direction, and Zoey jumps down from her branch and runs with them)

Gwen: (The villains skid to a stop) Ok, they're heading left. If we take another path, maybe we can cut them off!

Heather: (Flashes a thumbs up) Great idea!

(The Villains run off)

Alejandro: Go vultures!

Jo: Yes we can!

Noah: Whatever!

(Cut back to the Heroes running; Sierra, Brick, and Mike carrying Owen still)

Owen: (Sighs) man I miss Izzy, she can carry me around like a giant potato! (Sierra, Brick, and Mike stop)

Cameron: (Walks back, smiling) That makes sense since...

Cameron/Sierra: You ARE a giant potato!

(Sierra lets go of Owen to raise her arms, Mike, Brick, and Owen collapse on the ground)

(Confessional: Cameron)

Cameron: Sierra and I have a lot in common; we're both super smart, and we can both be a teensy bit socially oblivious sometimes.

Sierra: (Knocking on the confessional loudly) Cameron, what are you doing in there?

Cameron: Like I said.

(Confessional ends)

Courtney: (Groans) this over-sized potato is gonna slow us down!

Mike: whoa! Easy Courtney, give the guy a break!

Courtney: yeah, well GWEN isn’t gonna give US a break!!

Zoey: ...uh, don’t you mean ALL the villains?

Courtney: WHATEVER! I say we leave Owen!

(Brick suddenly stops in place. Dawn, Zoey, Mike, and Cameron gasp)

Brick: (Turns around) we WHAT!?!?!?

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: she probably shouldn’t have said that.

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: ok, I’ve stood all that I can stand, and I CAN’T STAND NO MORE!!! Trying to force herself onto the team is one thing, but I will NOT let her go against my personal code: NEVER leave a man behind!!!

(Confessional ends)

Brick: (Marches up to Courtney, furious) ma’am, as the only one qualified to lead this team, I hereby DISCHARGE you as co-captain!

Courtney: what?! Y-you can’t do that! I have the most experience in being a leader!

Brick: you may have lasted longer than the majority of us, but you have the leading ability of a lima bean!!

Courtney: LIMA bean?! I am a navy bean, while the rest of this team is just a bunch of chickpeas!

Brick: I don’t care what kind of bean you are; a true leader never, ever, EVER leaves his or her platoon behind!! ESPECIALLY when they’re injured like this!

Courtney: Owen? (Scoff) please! He’s just a useless bag of potatoes; he’ll just slow us down!

Owen: (Head jerks up) useless?!

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: I’ve been blown up, had my jaw broken, and even almost gotten eaten more times than I can count! But nothing cuts deeper than being told you’re useless! What am I, chopped cheddar? ...mmm, that actually sounds pretty good right about now, b-but my anger won’t be cooled by the creamy goodness of cheese…. This time!

(Confessional ends)

(Owen starts to weakly get up, his legs still wobbly, but he manages to catch himself with every weak step he takes)

Zoey: whoa! Easy, Owen; you’re hurt! You need to rest!

Owen: I’m not resting, until the sweet taste of maple bacon is on my tongue again! (Starts making a running start, though not as fast as the others) GAME OOOON!!!!!

Courtney: (Smug, but uncertain as Brick glares at her) ha! See that? My… uh… reverse psychology plan worked like a charm.

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: phew, hope he bought that.

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: (Arms crossed) didn’t buy that for a second.

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the heart of the forest, where two crates rest, one large one, and one small one. The Heroes come charging in towards the big one)

Courtney: The big one, go for the big one!

(The Heroes almost reach the crate when Duncan and the Villains scoot in front of it)

Anne Maria: BADA-BING BABY!!!

Mike: Woah, where'd they come from?

Duncan: (Heather blows a raspberry at the Heroes) Haha, suckers!

Courtney: (The Heroes run for the small crate) The small one, go for the small one!

(Courtney pries open the crate and pulls out a metal pail full of leeches, some crawling out of the pail)

Courtney: (Disgusted) Gross...

Mike: (pulls out a slingshot) Guess this is the low-tech crate alright...

Sierra: (Pulls out another pail) Aww, cute! (Rubs her face against the pail) I think I'll call you... Codys! (Courtney, Mike and Cameron share concerned glances)

Noah: (Calls out) makes sense since he’s a big leech! (Chuckles while Sierra just glares at him)

Courtney: (Groans, glares at Owen) way to go, SLOWEN! (Owen looks dejected)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: ok, Owen WAS a bit slow… but Courtney didn’t have to be so mean while he was hurt! I’m starting to question why she’s on the heroes again.

(Confessional ends)

(The villains cheer in front of the big crate),

Jo: Who needs Lightning, am I right, people, eh? (Gwen and Heather just roll their eyes)

(Duncan punches the crate, and it opens to reveal a rack of paintball weaponry and a cannon)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: wait, so Chris isn’t allowed to work with paintballs, but a cannon full of leeches is A-ok!? What kind of sick-o’s gave HIM parole?!?!

(Confessional ends)

Heather/Jo/Scott/Anne Maria/Duncan: I'll take the cannon! (The 5 of them glare at each other) No, I'll take the cannon! (The all groan)

Alejandro: (Looking at Gwen) We use it as a team; right, Gwen?

Gwen: (Awkwardly) Uh...

Heather: (Stands to one side of her) Yeah, obviously.

Jo: (Stands on the other side of Gwen) that's what I was going to say! Whoo, go team!

Anne Maria: (Looks uninterested) yeah, just like what Pasty said, go team whoooo.

(Duncan looks shocked; Noah cocks an eyebrow)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: since when did everyone get so interested in Gwen?

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: So Heather, Jo, and Alejandro are making a play for Gwen. Why isn't anyone trying to work me? Probably because I can't be manipulated, but they could at least try! Besides, Gwen’s got enough on her plate with Cut-throat Courtney on her case!

(Confessional ends)

Gwen: (Smiling) You guys are right! We need to stop attacking each other and start attacking the other guys. FIRE THE CANNON!

(Scott pulls the string on the cannon, sending a ball of leeches into a nearby intern, who falls over; toppling the boom mic he is operating)

Noah: (Chuckles) well, still a better attack strategy than Heather or Jo ever came up with. (They both elbow Noah painfully into the ribs) OWW! What is this, assaulting the Noah day!?

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Chuckles nervously) whoops... Being in charge is harder than it looks...

(Gwen's clip is paused as the camera pans out to reveal Chris's control room)

Chris: Tell me about it. (Chuckles) The villains are off to quite a start, but which team will make it to the finish? Find out when we come back on Total Drama All-Stars!

(Commercial break)

(Cut to the heroes walking in the forest, Owen finally walking on his own)

Courtney: Of course the villains get machine gun shooters; we'll never beat them with these puny slingshots!

Cameron: Sure we can-

Cameron/Sierra: If we're stealthy and score first! (They high five)

Courtney: (Groans) nerd love. If you kiss in front of me, I will throw up.

Cameron: (Laughs awkwardly) Oh, don't worry, we're just friends. Right, Sierra?

Sierra: (Blinks) Huh? (Looks confused, cut to her point of view, where Cameron’s head suddenly looks a lot like Cody’s)

Cameron: (in his regular voice with Cody’s head) Sierra? Is something wrong?

Sierra: (Shakes her head vigorously, then looks again; Cameron is back to normal) Uh, nope, nothing's wrong, Co-Cameron, all good! (Laughs nervously)

(Brick marches forward, then a sickening crack is heard; Brick falls over and clutches his ankle)

Brick: my ankle! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Zoey: (Rushes back) oh my gosh! Brick, are you ok?

Cameron: (Examines Brick’s ankle) it’s definitely sprained, you must have hurt it carrying Owen all day.

Mike: but that’s weird, Sierra and I were carrying Owen and our ankles are fine.

Owen: (Embarrassed) well…. Brick MAAAAY have helped carry me from Boney Island… oopsie.

Courtney: (Glared daggers at Owen) great! That’s just great, Owen! You and your …F-fat …face! (Groans) NOW can we go on without him?

Owen: no way! Brick didn’t give up on me; I’m not giving up on my military buddy!! (Picks Brick up; drapes him over his shoulder)

Brick: (Touched) …Owen, you’ve got a heart as big as that submarine stomach of yours! (Sniffles, salutes) I’d go into battle with you in a heartbeat…GENERAL!

Zoey: (Peeks through the bushes at an abandoned yeti cave) A cave! Brick can rest in there while the rest of us take on the villains!

(Inside, Owen gently puts Brick down)

Brick: troops, with all due respect, I believe I should be on the battlefield

Zoey: sorry Brick, but we can't let you go out there and get hurt even worse, so.... uh, STAY IN HERE AND.... REST, SOLDIER!!!

Brick: (Salutes) MA'AM! YES, MA'AM!!! (Realizes what he just did)

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: I've REALLY got to stop doing that.

(Confessional ends)

Mike: Should someone stay to guard him?

Courtney: I'll do it! I owe him for not bringing him some breakfast!

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: I knew Courtney had a heart buried in there somewhere.

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: three… two… one…

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: (Smirking) This is what the smart leaders do, hang back and let the foot soldiers take the leeches to the face.

(Confessional ends)

(The remaining heroes: Zoey, Mike, Cameron, Owen, and Dawn leave the cave)

Zoey: We have to find the villains before they find us!

Owen: (with a confident smile on his face) I’ll take care of that! I’ve got the ultra-sniffing abilities of my sniffer! And I am the NATURALIST!!! Nature and I are like distant relative stepbrothers! I am here and then… (Jumps downwards then pops back up in bushes right across) I’m over here; (Chuckles, talks mysteriously) -like a shaaaadoooooow. (Scoots into the shadows, then screams as a hissing is heard) STEPPED ON A SNAKE!!! STEPPED ON A SNAKE!!!

(The Heroes cringe)

Zoey: oooh, is he ok?

Mike: he’ll be ok, he’s been though worse already. Anyways, Stealthy forest maneuvers? (Chuckles) This sounds like a job for Svetlana! (Takes a deep breath, and gets into a gymnastic pose)

Sierra: (Claps) Oh goodie! She's my favorite.

(Dawn looks concerned; Zoey and Cameron wait as Mike holds his breath for a couple of seconds)

Cameron: Svetlana, is that you?

Mike: (Finally lets go of his breath and sighs dejectedly…. Still as Mike) Nah, still me...

(Confessional: Mike)

Mike: (Slightly panicked) Ok, wasn't too long ago, I couldn't keep my alternate personalities in. Now, they won't come out! (Bashes his arm into the confessional wall) Ow... Danged wall, am I right, Chester? (He feels around his chest, nothing happens) huh? (Suddenly rips his shirt off, exposing his bare chest) Yo, Vito, my shirt's off and Anne Maria’s been asking about you! Come and get it! (Nothing happens) Vito? (Looks around, before curling up into a fetal position, shivering wildly) Anybody?

(Cut to the Villainous Vultures in the woods; Scott, Duncan, Gwen, Noah and Jo are all pushing the cannon, while Anne Maria, Heather, and Alejandro (Still on his hands) follow behind)

Gwen: (stops pushing) We're easy targets like this; maybe we should ditch the cannon.

Jo: (Patting the cannon) No way, I haven't got a turn to fire it yet! (Starts hugging it gently) Isn't that right, sweetheart?

Noah: (Raises an eyebrow) you aren’t gonna start making out with the cannon are you?

Jo: hey, at least I don’t wanna start making out with Mother Nature Wannabe, String Bean!

Noah: wow, you are just a nickname wizard there, Jockstrap Barbie.

Jo: (Growls) oh… go kiss your freaky girlfriend, shrimp!

Noah: she’s not my girlfriend and don’t call her a freak! (Everyone looks at him, he realizes what he said) er… I mean don’t call me a shrimp!

Gwen: (Confused) Ok... Then we should split up.

Alejandro: Agreed, I'll go with Gwen.

Heather: No, I'll go with Gwen.

Jo: As if I'm letting any of you go anywhere with Gwen.

Alejandro: Please, attempt to be reasonable. (Jo and Heather start yelling at each other)

Duncan: aaaaand when does Gwen get a word in this?

Alejandro/Jo/Heather: stay out of it Duncan!!

Noah: (Rolls his eyes while the three continue to argue) if they draw blood let me know, I’m out. (Walks away)

Anne Maria: uh… yeah, what shrimpy over there said. (Walks in the other direction)

(A leech heads straight for them. It hits Alejandro straight in the butt)

Alejandro: (Shrieks) I'm hit! (Collapses on the ground)

Zoey: (Pops out of bushes, waving apologetically at the villains) Sorry! But not totally.

(Zoey runs off as Gwen, Scott, Duncan, and Heather fire leeches at her, but they all miss. Jo runs back to the cannon and launches a cannonball of leeches. A splat is heard, and Scott is now covered in leeches)

Scott: (Screams) Oh come on! (Collapses)

Chris: (Chuckles over the loudspeaker) That's two points for the heroes and zilch for the villains!

Duncan: But Zoey only hit Alejandro!

Chris: True, but friendly fire counts.

(The villains glare at Jo)

Jo: What? Dirtboy got in the way!

Heather: You can take your excuses and shove them up your- (Suddenly a leech gets her in the head, Mike sheepishly waves from behind a tree, then runs off, dodging more leeches. Heather tries tugging on the leech) In my hair! What is wrong with you?

Chris: (Chuckles again) make that three to zero.

Gwen: (To Duncan) C'mon! (She runs off, Duncan following)

Heather: Avenge me!

Jo: (Grabs the gun from the unconscious Scott) I'll take care of Zoey. (Runs off)

(Cut to Anne Maria, standing in the middle of the woods, spraying her hair with an industrial-sized can of hairspray. Doesn’t notice the rustling in the bushes behind her. Owen is hiding in the bushes)

Owen: the naturalist approaches his prey, his ammo ready, willing and…. squirmy. The Naturalist takes great care to not blow his cover, so the prey will not detect him. (Ducks deeper into the bushes, then pops back up with another snake around him. Screams) ANOTHER SNAKE!!! ANOTHER SNAKE!! (Stumbles out of bushes and lands at Anne Maria’s feet)

Anne Maria: Ayo! Watch the pumps there, fatty!!

Chris: (over the loudspeaker) and Anne Maria, the VILLAIN, has discovered Owen, the HERO! (Anne Maria doesn’t react) I repeat, OWEN is literally within 4 feet of Anne Maria, and totally helpless. (Anne Maria STILL doesn’t react) DUDE!! SOMEBODY LEECH SOMEBODY!!!

Anne Maria: all right! All right! Don’t have a cow there, cowlick! (Aims her gun at Owen) nighty-night there, big boy! (Clicks the trigger, but it doesn’t fire) what the? Jammed?!

(Owen smiles and stands upright, pulling his slingshot back with a leech on it)

Owen: COWA….BUNGAAAAAAAAA!!!!! (Lets the rubber band go, and the leech fires….. but lands only a few inches in front of Anne Maria. Anne Maria glares at Owen and Owen just giggles nervously) uh…. the prey will NOT attack the naturalist b-because she knows that the naturalist was uh….

Anne Maria: yeah, the naturalist is gettin’ a beat down! (Owen screams and runs away, Anne Maria just chases after him. when they are both off-screen a bunch of loud punching and screaming noises are heard. Anne Maria walks back on screen with a confident smile on her face. Checks her nails) aww dang! I chipped a nail!

(Owen Stumbles back on screen, covered in bruises, scratches, and what looks like half of a chipped finger nail lodged in his cheek)

Anne Maria: oh, there it is. (Rips the nail out of Owen’s cheek. Walks away) thanks, Doll.

Owen: (Dazed) I am but a humble bread-maker. (Falls over; passes out)

(Cut back to Duncan and Gwen)

Duncan: Just pretend Mike is Courtney and you'll clobber him in no time!

Gwen: Wait, do you think I've been attacking Courtney on purpose too?

Duncan: Relax, babe I'm just kidding.

Gwen: I'm sorry it's just that all of this villain talk has got me on edge.

Duncan: Babe, you need to chill; all of this obsessing over making things up with Courtney isn't healthy, you're gonna make yourself sick.  

(Before Gwen can say anything Sierra pops up from a bush behind them)

Sierra: Aha! (she attempts to launch a leech at them but she fails and the leech lands on her cheek) It feels just like Cody's kiss! (She passes out)

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (making horrible barfing sounds)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (over the loudspeakers) The villains luck into a point! But the heroes still lead by three!

(Duncan looks behind him just in time to see Cameron preparing a leech)

Cameron: Angle 47 degrees, allowing for minimal wind resistance...

(The leech ricochets off a rock then hits a tree and then a squirrel's head before heading straight for Gwen)

Duncan: Noooo! (Duncan leaps in front of Gwen taking the leech for her; the leech hits him in the butt; he lands on the ground, groaning)

Gwen: (worriedly) Duncan!

Sierra: Great shot, Cody!

Cameron: Uh, did you just say-

(Gwen firing several leeches at him, which land all over his face, cuts off Cameron, he groans in pain before passing out)

Chris: (over the loudspeaker) The villains score again, but the heroes still lead, four points to two!

(Gwen drops her leechball gun and kneels down beside Duncan, rubbing his shoulder)

Gwen: Wow, I can't believe you just took a leech for me.

Duncan: eh it's not that bad... But if Sierra calls leech bites "cody kisses" again, that's the LAST leech I take!

(Duncan and Gwen both shudder at the thought; suddenly Gwen is hit in the side of her head with a leech. Gwen yells in pain they turn to see that it was Mike who shot the leech)

Mike: Haha! Sorry, Couldn't resist taking a shot.

Duncan: (Growls) NOBODY leeches my girlfriend except me! (Wields his knife and spins it in his hands and points it at Mike, who runs away)

Gwen: (Snickers) well THAT’S telling him, babe. (Notices Duncan looking at Mike with intrigue) something up?

Duncan: huh? Ah, it’s nothing. I can just swear I’ve seen that guy before.

Gwen: uh, you sure you didn’t just see him from last season?

Duncan: (Smirked) nope, didn’t watch a single episode, but I swear I’ve seen him somewhere else.

(Cut to the river, where Owen is splashing his face with water)

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) It's five to two, heroes! And to those who missed it, Owen, the “naturalist,” had the fudge beaten out of him by Tanne Maria!

Owen: (Sighs) I could go for some fudge right about now. But a few cuts, bruises, and beatings will not diminish the naturalist’s FIGHTING SPIRIT!!!

Noah: (Splashing his face with water, clutches his black eye) wow…. I knew you had some form of courage underneath all that cheesey blubber. (Owen chuckles. Noah sighs) how I missed that sound.

Owen: how you holding up, buddy?

Noah: oh just great, hey maybe by the end of the day I can trade in this busted eye for a glass one! What about you?

Owen: it’s AWESOME ….LY terrifying! I just remembered how SPOOOKY some of the chicks were here.

Noah: yeah, well you can’t have the full Wawanakwa experience without someone, probably Courtney, trying to kill you. (Owen snickers)

Anne Maria: (Pops out of the bushes) AH-HA! THERE you are, fudgeball! Yo, pencil-neck! Waste this schnook, will ya!? I gotta un-jam this gun! (Starts shaking at her gun)

(Noah rolls his eyes, and points his gun at Owen, who points his slingshot at Noah. For a few minutes, neither one of them makes a move; they just glare at each other with their weapons pointing at each other. After a while, their glares soften)

Owen: oh, who am I kidding?! I can’t leech my little buddy! He’s funny and he listens to me!

Noah: (Lowers his gun) ah beer nuts, if I waste Owen I’ve got no one to talk to. (Noah drops the gun; Owen smiles and drops the slingshot. Noah just looks nervously at Owen) ah jeez; you’re gonna hug me again, aren’t you?

Owen: (Squees) you read my mind, buddy, COME HERE YOU! (Pulls Noah into a bear hug)

Noah: (Strained) thanks big guy, I didn’t need those kidneys anyway.

Dawn: (Emerges from the bushes, looking pleased) aww that is beautiful.

Owen: (Notices Dawn) oh hey, Dawn.

Noah: (Recovered) Dawn?! (Owen lets go of Noah. He stands back up, looking nervous) how uh… wha-what are you doing here?

Dawn: (Holds out her bucket) oh, I was just releasing these delicate creatures back where they belong. (Dumps her leeches into the lake. Owen and Noah step back in fear. Dawn then giggles as though she is being tickled) o-ok little ones, it is time for you to return home. (She lifts her shirt up, revealing 4 leeches stuck on her belly. Noah and Owen cringe and shout in surprise. Owen faints)

Noah: whoa! What are you; breast… er stomach feeding our “projectiles?”

Dawn: well leeches are nature’s creatures too. And they need their nutrients like all of Mother Nature’s gentle souls. (Scratches a leech’s head, it unlocks it’s jaw from her belly and nuzzles her belly. It then jumps into the lake, followed by the other leeches. She waves good-bye to them)

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) well that was a disgustingly touching moment. But that still counts as an out! So that’s three outs to the villains’ five! (Dawn just shrugs, then stumbles on her feet)

Noah: (Slightly concerned) whoa, are you ok?

Dawn: (Dizzy) ooh, I think those gentle souls may have over indulged a bit. (Stumbles, and starts falling backwards)

Noah: whoa! (Immediately rushes behind Dawn and catches her) easy there, Den-mother Leech!

(Dawn grunts a bit, disorientated. Then she puts her hand near Noah’s chest. Her eyes shoot wide open and she gasps in shock)

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: (Looks spooked) Noah’s usually gray aura just gained a hint of pink! Bu-but that would mean that… no, no it cannot be! Although, my aura reading has never failed me before… could it be?

(Confessional ends)

(Anne Maria finishes shaking her gun)

Anne Maria: bada-BING! (Aims for Owen) alright, jumbo-large! Let’s see how you look with a-buhmillion leeches on your face!

Dawn: (Half-conscious) your heart aches for the return of Vito.

Anne Maria: (Eyes widen) Vito?! WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT VITO?! TELL ME!!

Dawn: I fear it is too late for Vito, and Mike’s other personalities. You see…

Anne Maria: (Not listening) are you THREATENING my man?! Oh that does it! (Points gun at Dawn) you gettin’ the leeches first, GREENY! (Fires three leeches)

(Dawn reacts in shock as the three leeches. Noah quickly pushes Dawn out of the way and gets the leeches to his face)

Noah: greeaaat. Stuck on a team with Eels, hicks, and Heathers; more leeches is ALL I need. (The leeches inflate and Noah falls forward, fainting)

Dawn: (Gasps, crouches down to Noah) Noah!

Owen: (Stands straight up, grabs Noah’s gun) THAT’S IT! I don’t care how scary you are, NOBODY leeches my little buddy!! (Fired a series of leeches at Anne Maria, which landed all over her face)

Anne Maria: (Dazed) ayo, don’t be disrespectin’ the… (Passes out)

Owen: whoo-hoo!!! (Chuckles) I AM the hunter again!! (Notices Dawn glaring at him, chuckles nervously) I suddenly decided to retire my hunting license. (Throws the gun away and chuckles nervously)

(Cut to Jo, walking up to the cave where Brick and Courtney are hidden)

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) It's seven to three heroes, one more point and the hamsters win!

Jo: Pathetic!

(Confessional: Jo)

Jo: Some team; I'm stronger than Old Heather, Ale-handwalker, Count Gwen-ula, Stunkan, Black-Eyed Pea-Wee, Tanzilla, and Sharkbait combined! Maybe it wasn't the best idea to dump Lightning so fast...

(Suddenly, a small screen falls down from the ceiling with Lightning on it)

Lightning: (Smirking) I told you you'd regret it! Ha, I win, sha-whoo!

Jo: (Angrilly grabs the monitor) What the-

Chris: (Laughing over the loudspeaker) He left a prerecorded message, just in case!

(Jo groans and rips the monitor from its cord, throws it on the ground, then stomps on it fiercely)

(Confessional ends)

(Jo is now walking through the cave, looking around suspiciously)

Jo: Smells like dog tags and pee. (Stops in front of the wounded Brick and grins maliciously) ... Brick! Just who I was looking for, Drill-Sergeant Dampiness!

Brick: (Glared) Jo, the only competitor as tough as me. And also the ROGUEST!!!

Jo: what? It’s not my fault those babies couldn’t take the heat! And you can’t tell me I’m not a team player!

Brick: you and Courtney are everything a team player shouldn’t be!! You’re pushy, aggressive, and you’d sooner push the team off a cliff before saving them!

Jo: (At a loss of words) dang, that’s pretty much me in a nutshell. But who cares? Cus I’m still gonna settle the score and TAKE YOU OUT! (Aims her gun directly at Brick)

Brick: (Not even flinching) I guess you are, but then again… (Smirking) you’re not dealing with just any soldier! (Pulled out two paintball guns from his pocket) HOO-WAH!!!!

Jo: what the!? WHERE’D YOU GET THOSE!?!?

Brick: (Smirking) a good soldier NEVER goes into war unarmed! And this is definitely war! (Pulls the triggers on both guns, a series of leeches come flying at Jo, who narrowly avoids them; she fires more at Brick who also narrowly avoids them)

(Meanwhile, Courtney’s behind a rock with her leech bucket)

Courtney: (Picking up a squirming leech from the bucket, cringes) Ew, ew ew ew ew! (She loads the leech into her slingshot and pulls back ready to fire. She launches the leech but it misses, hitting right in front of Jo's head)

Jo: (Turns around and notices Courtney) you too? Think I’ll take YOU out before I finish pee-zilla first, Bored-ney! (Jo fires a barrage of leeches at Courtney, who quickly runs out of the way and lands right next to Brick)

Brick: cover me, Courtney! I can take her out!

Courtney: (Panicking) how about YOU cover ME?!

Brick: wait what? (Courtney grabs him by the collar and used him as a shield to defend herself, the leeches all hitting Brick) hey! (The leeches all inflate)

Chris: (Over the loudspeaker) seven points to four, it ain’t over yet!

Brick: (Glares at Courtney, who smiles sheepishly) probably should have thought this plan through, EX-co-captain!

Jo: not how I wanted to take him out but that works too. (Drops her gun and pulled the second gun from the holster) Let's make it seven to FIVE. (Snickers)

(Zoey is now hiding behind a rock; she pulls back her slingshot, attracting the attention of Jo, who ducks as the leech flew by)

Jo: Nice try, apology-brat. (She pulls the trigger but nothing happens) Ugh, it's jammed!

Zoey: Nice try, mean nickname-giver...!

(Jo suddenly grabs the leech barrel and tosses it at Zoey, which opens up, sending the leeches flying in slow motion out at Zoey. Zoey ducks and picks a leech straight out of the air, and sends it flying back at Jo, hitting her in the face. Jo groans)

Zoey: (Shrugs, grinning) Not sorry!

Chris: (Over the loudspeakers) This just in, with a final score of eight points to four, the heroes win! Although some of them didn't behave all that heroically...Courtney. (Zoey looks back at Courtney, who is still hiding behind Brick)

Courtney: My survival instinct kicked in! (Zoey and Jo both look at her funny, Brick still glaring) Anyone would have done the same. (Courtney suddenly drops Brick)

Brick: (Turns to Zoey and salutes) congratulations, soldier! You shined through today! (Glared at Courtney) unlike SOME!

(Cut to the elimination ceremony at night, the Vultures sit on the stumps in front of the campfire, while the Hamsters sit in the bleachers, Owen and Brick looking dejected)

Chris: Welcome back, Villainous Vultures. Second elimination in a row, (Chuckles) way to lose. Now, get ready to cut someone loose, it's votin' time.

Zoey: (Comforts Owen, while Mike comforts Brick) Don't worry, Owen; no one's going to make you or Brick go back to Boney Island twice in a row. Right, guys?

Cameron: It's not that; while they were in exile, someone trashed Brick’s night vision goggles, and threw out Owen’s junk food stash! (Brick nods and holds out his goggles, broken in two)

Zoey: (Gasps) What?

Sierra: Who would do such things?

Mike: (Looking nervous) I know, right? It's so totally unexplainable. (Laughs nervously)

(Confessional: Mike)

Mike: His goggles are really broken? And Owen’s stash is really gone!? I thought that was just a weird dream! What's happening to me?

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: I know exactly who did such horrible things! I only pray it is not too late for Mike!

(Confessional ends)

Owen: all the precious mallomars and yum-yum happy go time fishes…. ALL GONE!

Chris: (Glares at Chef) I told you to search him before the show started! (Chef just looks away awkwardly)

Duncan: dude relax; once you try the food at the spa hotel, you’ll never wanna touch mallomars again!

Noah: (Teasingly) maple BAACOOOOON.

Owen: (Suddenly perky) there is light at the end of the tunnel! (Chuckles)

Alejandro: (Glares at Noah) must you remind that BUTTER-DONKEY of what we have lost?!

Noah: hmm? Oh I’m sorry, I don’t speak Eel. (Glares at Anne Maria) OR leech!

Anne Maria: I said I was sorry, yeesh! Sensitive much?!

Sierra: (Leaning over to Cameron) Who do you thinks going home? My money's on Jo.

Cameron: Unless she can convince them...

Cameron/Sierra: To cut Heather! (They high-five)

Sierra: (Dreamily) Oh Cody, we really do think alike.

(Sierra’s POV, Cameron has Cody’s head as his own)

Cameron: Yeah, except I'm Cameron, not Cody.

Sierra: Oh Cody, don't be silly. Who wants a foot rub? (She grabs his feet, Cameron screams in fear. Everyone looks freaked out, except Noah who just looks un-phased)

Noah: and the psycho hose-beast returns… well ONE of them anyway.

(Confessional: Cameron)

Cameron: I saw season three! I know what Cody went through with Sierra, and there is no way I'm being Cody number two. She's nice and all, but I'm not always great with being touched. (A fly lands on his hand, he screams and tries to wave it away) Get off me! It's a problem, never said I was proud of it.

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: oh, I feel pity for Sierra’s poor tortured soul. She has mild hallucinations and depends on Cody due to deep-seated hero worship problems. It is both sad, and also beautiful …although personal space could use a little fixing.

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Standing next to Chef, with a plate of marshmallows) The votes are in! But, before I announce our loser du jour, I need a hamster to volunteer for exile.

Cameron: (Waves his arm back and forth) Ooh, me, me, me! (The other Hamsters shout exclamations of confusion (and in Sierra's case, fear))

Chris: Don't you think someone else on your team might be more deserving of a night on Boney Island? (Coughs) Courtney!

Cameron: That's ok; I want to go.

(Confessional: Cameron)

Cameron: Sierra probably just needs a little less Cam time. And I definitely need a little less Sierra time.

(Confessional ends)

(Chef walks Cameron to the boat)

Zoey: (Waves to Cameron) Good luck, Cameron!

Brick: power on through, soldier!

Owen: take care, dude!

Mike: (Trying to hide his worry) He's so little... Maybe the animals won't notice he's there?...

Chris: Alrighty then, onwards and flushwards. The following villains are safe: (Tosses marshmallows to the named Villains) Gwen, Alejandro, Noah, Duncan, Anne Maria, and Scott. Heather and Jo, you're on the edge. Heather for being a pain in the keister-

Noah: what else is new?

Chris: and Jo for being a pain in the keister who also took out her own teammate in today's challenge.

Jo: (Pointing accusingly at Scott) He should have ducked!

Chris: And tonight's flushee is... Jo. (Tosses the final marshmallow to Heather)

Jo: What!? Are you all nuts?"

(Brick and Noah both cheer. Jo glares at them and they sit back down in their respective seats. Chris walks up to the campfire)

Chris: But, before we get flushing, I wanna do a little re-shuffling. Today, two villains acted more like heroes, and one hero acted more like a villain. So, pack your bags and switch your teams, Courtney, Noah and Duncan.

(The rest of the campers gasp in surprise)

Courtney: (Whining) I don't wanna be a villain!

Duncan: And I don't want to be a lame-o hero!

Noah: and I…. couldn’t care less.

Chris: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, just do it!

Duncan: (stands up and sighs) It was fun while it lasted.

(He kisses Gwen on the cheek and walks away with Noah, leaving Gwen looking very surprised, and blushing. Courtney, Duncan, and Noah meet in the center)

Duncan: 'Least now you have to stop blanking me and admit I exist.

Courtney: (Glares at Duncan) Yeah, you exist. SO WHAT!?

Duncan: (Nervously backs off) Eh, I think I liked the blanking better.

(Duncan and Noah walk to the Heroes’ bleachers, where the rest of the Heroes wave, while Owen cheers loudly)

Owen: (Cheering) WHOO-HOO! THIS IS AWESOME! Now I got two of by BESTEST BUDDIES ON THE SAME TEAM!!! (Chuckles and sighs) this light at the end of the tunnel’s getting brighter!

Duncan: (Grunts in discomfort) yeah, missed you too, big guy. But I kind of wanted to keep my kidneys!

Owen: (Lets go of them) sorry dudes, I’M JUST SO PSYCHED!!

Noah: yeah, I’ll admit, I DID miss your gassiness big guy. Good thing I didn’t leech you back there, ah? Made me into a real hero!

Chris: really? Or was it when you saved your little aura-reading GIRLFRIEND from being leeched? (Chuckles)

Noah: (Blushes furiously) she’s NOT my girlfriend!

Chris: well, sucks to be you then since you’ll BOTH be representing the heroes!

(Noah looks towards Dawn, who just smiles and waves at Noah. Noah blushes)

Noah: crap!

Gwen: (Sits up to greet Courtney) so uh… Hey, welcome to the team- (Walks over to Courtney but she accidentally kicks a bucket of leeches into Courtney’s shin and legs. Courtney screams and pulls the bucket off showing her legs being covered in leeches. She screams again as they inflate) I swear, I didn't see the pail!

Chris: (Laughs) pure evil!

Duncan: hey, wait a minute, that bucket wasn’t there a couple of…

Chris: (Pinches Duncan’s lips shut) SHHH-USHHH!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: Am I doing it on purpose? (She groans and grips her head)

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the Flush of Shame, where Jo is in the bowl)

Chris: Any final words?

Jo: Just flush it already.

(Chris obliges and she goes down the toilet bowl)

Chris: I will not miss her. Tune in next time for more sweet-sweet mayhem, right here on Total Drama All-Stars!

(End Credits)