TDAS Re-write episode 5: Singin' in the Pain

Total Drama All-Stars Re-Write
Episode 5: Singin’ in the Pain
Written and Edited by Joey Turner and Tanya Furness

Chris: (Voiceover, recounting last episode’s clips) Last time on Total Drama All-Stars; after swapping teams; Courtney, Noah and Duncan were stuck living with the enemy (Chuckles). But, while Courtney was given the cold shoulder by every villain except Scott, Duncan got a hero's welcome so warm, it made him question his own bad boy-hood. At challenge time, giant pancakes were gobbled down, and in a few cases, thrown right back up thanks to a barftacular obstacle course, (Laughs) way to re-swallow, bro. And snarky, sarcastic Noah got a little …smoochy with the animal-whisperer. Turning from cool as a cucumber to as noodle-y as his arms. (Laughs) Way to man up there, string bean. In the end, Owen scored big for the heroes, once again sending the villains to loserville; and Anne Maria, who barfed it big time before even TOUCHING the pancakes, took a particularly gruesome Flush o' Shame. (Back to reality, Chris is standing on top of the toilet) Only 14 players remain, which one of them is gonna take a circle-y swim in the big porcelain bowl? Will the villains FINALLY score themselves a victory? Find out right here, right now, on Total Drama All-Stars!

(Opening Credits)

(Cut to the loser’s cabin, girl side. Only Heather and Courtney are inside. Heather looks extremely annoyed, while Courtney looks happy for once)

Courtney: (sighs happily) You know what? I am actually happy that Pasty McJerkface isn’t here for the night. I could use a night away from her.

Heather: (Annoyed) great, we’re all so happy, happy, happy! Now go to bed!

Courtney: I don’t see how those Heroes could possibly see any good in her evil, poorly moisturized pores! They SHOULD be kissing MY boots! I was the one who pulled their sorry butts all the way to victory!

(Heather groans in anger and slams the pillow over her head)

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: (In fetal position) shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup-

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: wow, I never thought I’d say it, but I’m actually GLAD it was just Heather and I. I can’t believe she listened to my ranting all night. It is just so therapeutic to vent about Gwen’s EVILNESS!!

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: SHUT UP! (Groans) At least with GWEN it was quiet! COURTNEY went on a 36 page lecture on how Gwen’s hair looks like moldy bread ...which doesn’t sound so bad right now; maybe it’ll kill me so I don’t have to hear any more of Bored-ney!!!

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the boy’s side, Alejandro looks annoyed, while Scott looks relaxed)

Alejandro: ¡oh Dios mío! It still astounds me how long she can rant for. (Notices Scott looking content) How is this not annoying you?

Scott: hmm? Eh, at this point I’m immune. Back on the farm, we had to listen to Pappy whine for 8 hours while he was passing kidney stones. (Alejandro shivers in disgust)

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: and once again I am stuck with the “gentleman” of the team; how do they keep finding me?

(Confessional ends)

Scott: besides, Courtney’s actually kinda cute when she’s mad.

Alejandro: (Intrigued) you don’t say?

Scott: hecks yeah! Hey, you were with her in season 3, what does she like?

Alejandro: hmm, let’s see: winning, uh kicking below the belt… (Smirks) especially Duncan, oh yes, and taking pride in being an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: or at least she WAS an unstoppable force, until someone- (Chuckles a bit) delivered a tiny push that drove her over-the-edge. Breaking Courtney- definitely one of my crowning achievements. but destroying Heather shall be my MASTERPIECE!!

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the spa hotel, Girls’ side. Sierra is deep asleep [like a cat at the edge of her bed], while Gwen and Zoey are on the beds next to each other, giggling)

Zoey: (Giggling) so you just pushed him in?

Gwen: (Giggling) well what else was I supposed to do? Listening to Chris talk, there’s gotta be a line in the sand. Oh and by the way, that “McLean-brand cologne” of his… mix it with water and you smell like a wet rat. Which is PERFECT for Chris.

Zoey: (Giggles again) well I’m glad you got to spend the night with us, Gwen. It feels nice to be able to actually talk to someone in here… (Looks around) I mean I hope this doesn’t sound mean but, Dawn’s always meditating so I don’t get to speak with her much, and Sierra just wants to talk about Cody… or Cameron… or “Cam-ody?”

Gwen: (shivers) well, thanks for letting me spend the night here, Zoey. I’m still a bit in shock that anyone wanted to spend the night with me after… well, you know. (Looks down, saddened)

Zoey: aww, well it’s THEIR loss Gwen! Besides I never really had that many… or even ANY sleepovers… or friends. Back home it’s nothing but jocks driving up and down the block at 3 in the morning going from pep rally to pep rally.

Gwen: I feel that, nothing but cheerleaders and stuck up preppy girls back home listening to their bubblegum pop music! (Shivers again. Then reaches into her bag) what’s sad is a lot of those girls don’t appreciate GOOD music! Music that gets your blood pumping, your armpits sweating, makes you just wanna slam a guitar on something! (Looks awkward) uh… as Duncan says anyway.

Zoey: (Chuckles slightly) I prefer soft rock or indie music.

Gwen: ooh, unique. I can dig that.

Zoey: (Notices Gwen pulling out a poster from her bag. On the poster is 4 teenage punk rockers) whoa, who are those guys?

Gwen: (Smiling) ooh! THIS is THE best band in the history of punk rock bands! Gothic Mind Explosion! (Squeals) I saw them in concert with my brother in middle school, and they ROCKED my world!!!

Zoey: wow! Sounds like it was fun!

Gwen: yeah… and I REALLY needed some fun back then, it was a month after our dad… passed (A small tear leaks out). It wasn’t great for me… but it was worse my brother; he didn’t leave the house for 4 weeks. I finally got him to rejoin society and come with me to the concert, it was the happiest we were in weeks. I keep the posters we bought to remind me: even in the suckiest of times, something less sucky comes around eventually.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Sighs) just another helpful tip about the ways of the universe… (Points upward) DON’T tick off the Universe.

(Confessional ends)

Zoey: (Watery-eyed) aww, that was so sweet, Gwen! (Pulls out the necklace Mike gave her last season… looks a little worried)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: Gwen and I had SO MUCH fun that night! Though I didn’t get to tell her about Mike. He’s been acting weird lately, like something’s got him scared. Dawn telling him about some mysterious “HIM” coming back probably isn’t helping either. I hope he’s ok.

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the boys’ side, where Duncan is using his knife to carve a picture of Gwen on the headboard. Cameron looks worried at him. Owen and Mike are chowing down on cheese puffs, Noah looks freaked out on his bed, and Brick is doing sit-ups on the floor)

Duncan: (Notices Cameron) what?

Cameron: are you sure it’s wise to do that? We don’t even know if we’ll be here again tomorrow night.

Duncan: wise? Probably not, I don’t do wise. (Smiles at his carving of Gwen) I prefer to do artistic graffiti.

Noah: (Snaps out of it) yeah, because nothing says “kiss me you fool” like carving someone’s face on a bed there, Picaso.

Duncan: whoa, extra feisty tonight, short-stuff. Who put a bee in your kiwis?

Noah: none of your business, Piercings.

Mike: (Slyly) oh? Sure this isn’t about you kissing Dawn today?

Noah: (Covering his ears. Singing) lalalalala I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I’M IGNORING YOU!! LALALALALALA!

Mike: (Giggles) relax Noah, I was just kidding. I think it’s awesome that you kissed Dawn; I mean, she’s no Zoey, but she’s really cool!

Noah: first of all, Tall, Tan, and Freaky, it wasn’t a kiss! It was more of a crash and our lips just happened to be all…. smooshed together and…

Duncan: and YOU didn’t pull away. Face it man, you got it bad for Sister Nature.

Noah: (Blushes a bit) yeah, don’t really see it happening. I don’t do the whole LOVE thing.

Cameron: yeah, but according to Sierra’s blog, fans are saying you two should hook up… and some of them say Scott should hook up with Dawn… for unknown reasons.

Noah: (Cocks eyebrow) and people wonder why I don’t do blogs.

Brick: (Now doing push-ups) wait a second, how do you know about Sierra’s blog? I thought someone destroyed her phone?

Cameron: apparently, even though it defies everything I know about engineering, she actually got it to work again.

Duncan: (Carving a giant X through a carving of Courtney) great, so once again she’s stalkerlicious AND mobile.

Cameron: you don’t know the half of it, she showed me a picture she made of what her and Cody’s … KIDS would look like! And they ALL look like me!!!

(All the boys shiver in disgust. Cut to Boney Island, where Dawn is sitting calmly in Lotus position; a bear, a beaver, and Sasquatchinakwa join her)

Dawn: that is right, fair savages. Let the inner tranquility of nature flow right through you.

(The three creatures stay tranquil for a few seconds; then Sasquatchinakwa shoves the bear, the bear shoves back, then they start slapping each other’s hands. Dawn looks back and glares at them, they are frightened and go back into lotus position. Cut back to the spa hotel and zoom in on Owen, who is tossing and turning. The camera then fades to inside Owen’s dream, where he is completely naked, being airlifted by balloons. A whistle is heard and he looks over to see Izzy standing on a cloud, wearing nothing but clouds as a bra and underwear, holding a plate of pancakes)

Owen: (Smiles widely) Izzy… AND PANCAKES?! (Chuckles, then starts air swimming towards Izzy. But suddenly Izzy fades away) wait… what? Izzy? Izzy! IZZY! COME BACK! IZZY!!! (He looks saddened, until suddenly it starts thundering and lightning in the sky, and a giant silhouette appears in the sky. It is suspiciously shaped like Mike, with his hair over his eye, wearing an evil grin. Owen becomes more scared) wait, Mike? What are you doing in… (Just then, the shadow pulls out a razor-edged pancake and slices at the balloons, causing them to pop) NO! Why does everyone use pancakes for evil?!!? (Owen starts plummeting to the ground screaming, only to wake up and sit upright in bed) …oh-ho sweet Oka cheese, it was only a dream. (Blinks, only to see the silhouette again, looking right at him and smiling. Owen screams and hides under the covers, while the silhouette Chuckles evilly)

(Cut to next morning, the Heroes and Gwen are all sitting at the table. Gwen is drawing in her sketchpad, Mike and Zoey stare at each other lovingly, Owen is just sitting down with a plate stacked with pancakes while the rest are eating)

Duncan: (Notices Gwen sketching) whatcha drawing there, pasty?

Gwen: (Shows her picture, which shows Duncan dancing in front of a tombstone labled “Christ McLean”) oh just a little eulogy for our beloved host.

Duncan: oh-ho-ho-hooo; nasty! (Notices drawing of him) …is that really what my goatee looks like? Huh, I wonder if I should start growing a beard.

Gwen: Sorry but unless you get a bigger gut, I don’t think a beard would work for you.

Duncan: whoa-ho-ho! Feisty AND sassy! (Places hand under chin) you always know just what I like, babe.

Zoey: awwww. (Duncan glares at her, and she nervously looks away)

(Owen licks his lips, ready to chow down on pancakes… until he takes a second look, and in his POV, they are shaped like Izzy’s head. Owen sighs sadly)

Zoey: (Notices Owen’s sadness) Owen? Are you ok?

Brick: something wrong, soldier? You need to carbo-load for today’s challenge!

Owen: (Pushes the plate away) I’m not as hungry as I thought I was. (Walks sadly away, Gwen, Duncan, Noah, and Sierra all gasp in horror)

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: ok, I’ve seen guys get sliced in half by propeller blades, I’ve eaten things that should NEVER be eaten, and I’ve seen Cody’s …(Shivers) Cody juniors-

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: -but when I see an Owen who DOESN’T wanna eat, it’s time to cash in the chips!!

(Confessional ends)

Sierra: (Screams in horror) IT’S THE APPOCALYPSE!! THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!!! (Grabs Cameron) quick Cam-Ody! We must cuddle to survive!!!

Cameron: (Screams) let go of me!

Zoey: whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Guys, calm down!

Mike: yeah, so Owen’s not hungry; does that really mean start panicking?

Noah: dude THINK for a second! This is OWEN we’re talking about!! Since when does he NOT want to eat anything not nailed to a table?! …And anything that IS nailed to a table?! …And one time the table?!

Mike: (Slightly worried) …good point. What do you think is wrong with him?

Zoey: I dunno, I hope he’s ok.

(Confessional: Mike)

Mike: the weirdest thing, last night I had a dream where I was staring at Owen and spooking him. Since Scott hit me with the shovel, I’ve been having dreams where I’m doing all kinds of bad stuff! But I haven’t done stuff like that since…. Nah, nah it couldn’t be! (Gasps, and then his hair flips down covering one of his eyes, and his voice becomes deep, echoey, and menacing) or could it? (Chuckles evilly)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Over the intercom) attention, campers! Get your butts over to the amphitheater pronto! Guess what time it is-

Campers: (Tired) it’s challenge time.

Chris: wow, you campers are smarter than I thought. (Laughs)

(Cut to the amphitheater, Gwen is sitting on the Villains’ side again, Courtney and Scott glaring at her. Dawn casually strolls in and sits next to Noah)

Noah: whoa, Sister of the Wild returns. (Dawn giggles. Noah is taken aback) so…. uh… how was the whole… exile thing?

Dawn: oh it was quite relaxing actually. The fair beasts of Boney Island are masters at nature yoga. (The bear and Sasquatchanakwa look away bashfully)

Chris: (Walking on the stage) alright, now that Dawn lives another day, I’ve got good news, peeps! Who here remembers our fantasticle World Tour? Huh? I bet Gwen and Courtney remember? Huh? When Gwen kissed Courtney’s boy toy? (Chuckles, Gwen sinks lower into seat while Courtney glares her down) well, the producers finally green lit the release of all the songs from our World Tour, ON A DIGITAL STORE ALBUM!!! (The campers don’t applaud; cricket noises are heard) I know; I can feel the excitement too! At last, Total Drama fans can re-live the musical goodness of the season, I walk away with a little more cash in my pocket, and we can finally OUTSELL that dopey garage band on E-Jams! (Looks to audience) seriously, have you ever heard their songs? You can barely make out the words. BUT, there’s a catch-

Noah: isn’t there always?

Chris: yeah, apparently the producers want two bonus tracks to add to the album, something to really add a bit of spice to the final project.

Sierra: ooh! Why don’t you just re-release your best songs from Fametown?! The fans would just EAT UP getting to hear you sing!!

Chris: I thought of that… but sadly it’s a no-go. Legal’s kinda been on my back since my little… fall out with the guys; if I try to sing or re-release any of our songs, they’ll find me and bust my kneecaps! And I don’t think anyone here wants to see my kneecaps busted. (The campers look away awkwardly; Chris just scowls) anyways, then I came up with an even better idea and…

Gwen: (Rolls eyes) and let me guess, it involves us doing some SUPER FUN challenge for your sick kicks?

Chris: (Chuckles) who knows me so well? Gothball does!

Gwen: call me Gothball one more time, and you’re going back in the water, McLean!

Chris: (Nervous) …moving on! (Chuckles) anyways, I told the producers I’d get my favorite tone-deaf contestants to sing two more songs… and the brilliant part of it: it’s in the form of a challenge! Contestants have an hour to dress up the two mini stages we’ve set up (Pan over to two smaller stages, each with the teams’ logos printed on each stage’s curtains) to match your teams; something pretty for the Heroes, and something gruel and NAASTY for the Villains! First one to finish their stage gets a half-hour head start for the next part of the challenge: pick your best singers to perform a rockin’ Wawanakwa-Palooza-Fest!!! And the best part: tonight’s challenge is all reward! No elimination ceremony. No Flush of Shame. And everyone still has a chance at the million! …for now. (NOW the contestants cheer)

(Confessional: Cameron)

Cameron: FINALLY a reward challenge! Last season the pressure was really on, Chris just loves raising our blood pressure… and our sweat glands.

(Confessional ends)

Chris: your reward for tonight, a private, live video feed of the only band the producers would legally allow us to promote: DawgToy! (Sierra, Heather, Courtney, Zoey, and even Brick squeal in delight. Gwen, Duncan, and Noah look horrified)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: ok, I’m more into soft rock or Indie music…. But I can’t help it! DawgToy’s music just speaks to me! (Dreamy state) so romantic.

(Confessional: Sierra)

Sierra: DawgToy is the third boss-est band ever! Next to Chris in FameTown, and the Drama Brothers with Cody-wody!

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: for the record, I am NOT one of those ditzy girls that drool over stupid boy bands! I even TRIED to stop listening… but I can’t help it! (In a dreamy state) when Jason tilts his head to the side-

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: -and bats his eyelashes with those gorgeous blue eyes, I just…

(All 4 confessionals split and play side-by-side)

Zoey/Sierra/Heather/Courtney: (Dreamy) melt… (Squeal)

(Confessional: Brick)

Brick: actually, I’ve never heard any of their songs; I just appreciate the material used for their outfits on stage. (Awkwardly) fashion school did things to me.

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Gags a little) sorry, I just threw up a bit in my mouth. But seriously… DawgToy? DAWGTOY!?!? (Groans) those guys represent EVERYTHING I hate about the mass’ taste! These guys don’t put ANY effort into their music! All they do is prance around the stage in their sweaters, lipsynching to some cheesey love song, and preppy girls just eat it up!

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: no guitars, no explosions, no smashing amps on stage, I’m getting bored just thinking about it.

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: great, more pointless pretty boys taking away everything good about music. Boy band concerts are like breeding grounds for Katies, Sadies, and Sierras. (Shivers)

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the arts and crafts center, a giant pile of trash once again stands beside it)

Chris: now, our production team wanted to give you guys some state-of-the-art-scenery props and state-of-the-art stage-lights… but they were too busy rebuilding Mt. Chrismore, which SOMEONE (Glares at Duncan) blew up last year! (Duncan looks away innocently, Noah and Gwen just smirk at him) so instead, you guys get to make your stages all pretty-pretty with… whatever’s left at the Arts and Crafts center.

Duncan: greeeaaat, return of the Arts and CRAP center. (Chuckles, nudges a sad looking Owen) am I right, Big Guy? (Owen just stands there looking sad. Duncan looks concerned) whoa, not eating AND not laughing at my killer zingers? Yeesh, you’re more out of it that I thought, man.

Noah: oh yeah, your zingers are about as killer as Jo’s were. (Chuckles, then nudges Owen) am I right, buddy? (Owen still says nothing)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: ok, THIS is getting spooky, Owen ALWAYS laughs at my jokes!

(Confessional ends)

(By now both teams are rummaging through the pile)

Duncan: (Pulling out the items listed) gold glitter, white and blue paint, an INDUSTRIAL-SIZED tin of cotton balls?! Not exactly “heroic” tools here.

Zoey: well, Chris DID say we have to make the stage look “pretty.” (Sheepishly) and what’s prettier than gold glitter?

Duncan: (Sniffs, then glances over at Gwen) well I know one thing.

Gwen: (Pulling out the listed items) red and gray paint, fog machine –cool- (Pulls out a tombstone) what the… “Here lies the Total Drama Contestants?” (She and the rest of the Villains glare at Chris)

(Chris and Chef are lounging in lawn chairs to the left of the shed)

Chris: oh yeah… I had that commissioned in season 3 ‘cus I kinda thought you guys were gonna…. die. (Chuckles nervously while the others glare at him)

(Courtney is not even paying attention as she harmonizes her voice)

Heather: (Annoyed) you know, you COULD help us look for stuff to get the stage ready!

Courtney: I AM helping! I don’t even think we NEED an audition! I’M the best singer on the show. I can carry this team to victory just like I ALWAYS do! (Clears throat, then starts singing) OooooOOOOOOooooh, Duncan’s just a wannabe punk, and Gwen’s heart oozes with icky gunk. (Suddenly ducks as one of Duncan’s shoes flies over her head) ha! Nice try, (Spiteful) DUNKEY! (Duncan just growls)

(Cameron is finishing a drawing on a white board)

Cameron: I got it! (Turns the board over to reveal a picture of the stage, decorated to look like the pearly gates of heaven) Chris said to build a scene that represents heroes; well what could be more heroic than this?

Brick: …the Pearly Gates?

Cameron: it makes sense. It is said that those who are good end up at the gates; good is just a quality of a hero; divide by the industrial-sized cotton and we’ve got a recipe for success.

Mike: whoa… Cam; that’s BRILLIANT!!! Ok, so we got the cotton for the clouds-

Cameron: (Pulls out soup cans and colored gels) I’m sure I can make lights out of all this-

Zoey: I’m pretty good with glitter. (Turns to Duncan) Duncan, can you use your spray-painting skills to make a backdrop of the gates?

Duncan: (Shrugs) If it involves messing up a wall, just call me Picasso.

Dawn: and Brick, you will take charge of costumes. Can you do it?

Brick: (Salutes) affirmative! (Pulls out measuring tape and a needle and spool) Fashion school didn’t train no sucker!

Zoey: alright then, LET’S MAKE A SUPER AWESOME ROCK CONCERT!!! (The rest of the heroes, except Owen, Noah, and Duncan cheer)

(Cut back to the Villains)

Heather: (Growls) great! The bottom of the barrel, again! Nothing’s left but some black and red spray paint, a couple of fake tombstones, and these floor lights that barely even work!!

Alejandro: these could actually be very Buenos props; the only thing we don’t have is a concept.

Gwen: (Gasps) I got it! Volcano graveyard!

Scott: volcano whatty?

Gwen: Volcano graveyard! Nothings screams “evil” like a volcano; and graveyards freak out people! It’s the perfect concept!

Heather: …that, DOES sound like a cool music video setting.

Alejandro: caliente.
Scott: I like!

Courtney: (Still harmonizing) ooof course you’d know of the peeerfect stage. Because you’re the most evil of the modeeern aaaaage. (Just smugly smiles at Gwen)

Heather: (Shoves a tombstone in Courtney’s face) why not do something useful and start working on a volcano set?

Alejandro: splendid idea. Maybe you won’t try to push me off THIS one! (Heather just winces nervously)

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: why won’t he just let it go already!? Why does he have to keep reminding me of how I hurt him?! (Catches what she said) err, I mean of how he got what he deserved?

(Confessional: Alejandro)

Alejandro: is it WRONG to keep reminding Heather of what she did to me in Hawaii? Most likely. Should I stop? Probably. WILL I stop? (Smirks evilly) Of course not.

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the Heroes working on their stage. Duncan nearly finishes painting the golden gates; as soon as he puts down the paint can, Sierra and Zoey splash buckets of golden glitter all over it… and Duncan. Duncan glares them down and they back away sheepishly. Cameron crosses two cable wires together; the cables are hooked up to the soup can lights, which flicker on, bringing light to the stage. Noah is laying down cotton balls on one side, and Dawn is laying them down on the other side. They both start approaching the middle, where their butts accidentally bump into each other)

Noah: (Covers his butt) WHOA! No touchy-zone number 55!! (He peers over his shoulder and sees Dawn, covering her own butt and blushing furiously) oh… um, I uh… I got issues with butt touchings and… uh not that I wouldn’t be offended if you touched my butt. AUGH, I mean I don’t want you to touch my butt! I mean… uh… (Groans and runs away)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Groans loudly) what is WRONG WITH ME!?!? I’m Noah! I’m supposed to be smooth and cynical! Now I’m all… awkward and bumbly! (Slams head into wall repeatedly) CURSE! YOU! DAWN!!!!

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: (Worried) oh my, I never knew this was such a burden for Noah to bear. Never felt love, not sure of his feelings, worried about MY feelings. Truly a noble and conflicted soul, I will not add his pain by becoming impatient. Mother nature encourages all to be as patient as the flowing wind; so if Noah needs time to sort out his emotions, I shall wait for him.

(Confessional ends)

(Owen lies on his stomach and stares, forlorn, at a dandelion)

Owen: (Sighs sadly) Izzy loved dandelions… she loved to EAT them like some kind of spicy food. (Takes a huge bite out of the dandelion…. Then starts choking. Dawn rushes over and jumps on Owen’s back; causing him to spit out a ladybug, which lands on her finger) …needed more ketchup. (Sighs sadly again)

Dawn: (Pats Owen on the head) do not be sad, Owen. You cannot let the guilt keep eating away at you; Izzy would not want you to be sad.

Owen: I guess… (Eyes widen) wait, how’d you know about the guilt? …Are you a witch?!

Dawn: (Giggles) no, I read auras. And yours is a real page-turner; your passion for Izzy, your love for cheese, your nightmare about Mike…

Owen: yeah, I don’t even know why I had it! I like Mike but something about hi- …(Sits upright in surprise) wait, Dawn, how did you- (Looks over to Dawn and sees that she’s disappeared) …Dawn?

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: did I already mention how spooky some of the chicks here are?

(Confessional ends)

(Pan over to the Villains’ side, where Gwen is painting the volcano backdrop, Scott is laying the tombstones along the stage, Alejandro is tinkering with the fog machine, Heather is setting up the floor-lights, and Courtney…. Is still harmonizing in front of the stage)

Heather: (Gets a face full of fog and coughs. Glares at Courtney) you know, you’ve been harmonizing for almost an hour; you could give that big mouth of yours a rest for once!

Courtney: (Harmonizing) caaaAAAaaan’t stop now! Gotta make my voooOOOIIIIIIcccceee perfeeeect!

(Gwen just rolls her eyes and continues spraying until the paint runs out)

Gwen: (Sighs) darn it! (Walks off stage) keep working, I’m gonna rummage for more paint.

Scott: (laying another tombstone) whatever. (Suddenly the tombstone falls over and lands on his foot, causing him to holler in agony)

(Cut to the junk pile again, Gwen is now humming)

Gwen: (Humming, which leads to soft singing) …I’ll push you back- harder, harder. (Hums again) I’ll scream at you- louder, la-la-la-la-louder!

Zoey: (From behind Gwen) whoa, Gwen!

Gwen: (Shouts in surprise) Zoey! I hate people sneaking up on me!

Zoey: sorry, it’s just that… wow! I never knew you had an awesome singing voice.

Gwen: (Taken aback) oh… uh, thanks, Zoey.

Zoey: I don’t get it; you have an amazing singing voice, why didn’t you sing more in season 3?

Gwen: honestly, I’m not really into singing as much as Courtney is. I mean I think I’m an ok singer, but I don’t really like to do it in front of people unless they’re like super close… like Duncan …or my little brother when he was 5.

Zoey: aaaww… wait, then why were you singing to yourself just now?

Gwen: (Shrugs) I dunno, I’ve got a lot on my brain and it’s actually helping me get my mind off stuff. Chris, these stupid challenges…

Courtney: (Skips into view still harmonizing) and Gwen’s so lame she wears a water braaaaaa.

Gwen: (Scowling) or THAT!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: I am literally THIS close to snapping! I mean, it’s bad enough that Courtney hates my guts, does she HAVE to keep harmonizing about me! …And you know what’s sad? It’s been like this for two years! TWO YEARS!!! (Growls) so uncool it burns!!

(Confessional: Chris)

Chris: (Chuckles evilly) I love the smell of tension in the afternoon. Who will win the first half of the challenge? And will Courtney EVER stop harmonizing about Gwen and Duncan? …I really hope not! (Chuckles) but find out when we return.

(Commercial break)

(Cut back to Chris, who is standing in front of amplifier speakers with a microphone in front of him)

Chris: (Pulls out air horn) times up! (Blows the horn into the microphone, the sound causes everyone to shriek in pain. Chris chuckles) I love this thing. Alright teams, let’s see what you’ve got! (Looks over to the Heroes’ stage, which has cotton balls all over the floor fashioned together to look like clouds, and a backdrop of the Pearly Gates, highlighted by the lights from the soup cans) hmm, the Pearly Gates. A bit glittery, but it fits being the resting place of all heroes.

(The Heroes smile…. Except Owen who still looks sad, and Duncan who just shivers)

Duncan: great, now everyone in Juvie’ll see the pretty-pretty pearly gates I worked on.

Chris: (Looks over to the villains’ stage, which is covered in fog with an eerie volcano painted on the wall, 3 tombstones sticking out of the fog, and red lights beaming from the floor) ooh Villains! That is a creepy cesspool of evil! (Laughs sinisterly) I like A LOT! But sadly the Heroes finished their stage first, so they win! (The Heroes cheer and the villains groan) which means they get a half-hour head start for the next part of the challenge: auditions/rehearsals! After the Heroes’ head start, both teams have 3 hours to find their best singers; it can be a solo, a trio, quartet; whatever tickles your fancy. Then you gotta rehearse your vocal chords out, and rock the socks off of me and two mystery judges!

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: (Arms crossed) nuh-uh! No way! NOT singing! I mean it was bad enough when I QUIT in season 3 then Chris drags me back and have me sing again… while being whipped by Chef! Now he wants me to AUDITION to sing AGAIN!? Forget it! COURTNEY’S sing, crickets sing, DUNCANS do NOT sing!

(Suddenly, a small screen falls down from the ceiling with Harold on it)

Harold: actually crickets don’t sing. The sound is actually the sound of the male cricket rubbing the rough underside of their wings against one another, GOSH!!!

Duncan: (Angered) what the- HAROLD?!

Chris: (Over the intercom, chuckles) He knew you’d be coming back, so he asked us to set up a few of his fact-of-the-day videos… just so he could bug you; and who am I to turn down bugging my favorite punk?

(Duncan growls and grabs the screen, tossing it out the confessional door)

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the Heroes’ audition table, where Cameron and Noah are sitting at the judge’s side)

(Duncan’s audition)

Duncan: (Off-key, Noah and Cameron hold their ears) come fly with uuuus! Come fly with us! Cooome and flyyyy with uuuUUUUUUuuuuus!

Cameron: (Uncovers his ears) um…. Wow Duncan, that was a very… interesting attempt… but-

Noah: your voice sounds like a rabid cat sharpening his nails on a chalkboard in a football stadium!

Duncan: (Smirking) so you’re saying I don’t sing? Oh well, too bad, so sad, but I’ll get over it. (Nonchalantly walks off)

(Mike and Zoey’s audition)

Mike/Zoey: (Singing in harmony) Love is an open door! Love is an open door! Love is an open door!

Cameron: (Applauding) wow that was amazing!!

Noah: yeah, but it seemed a little too Disney for me. (Zoey and Mike look confused and saddened) but you’re still the best singers we’ve heard all day so… (Writes a checkmark on his notes) next!

(Sierra’s audition)

Sierra: (Performing the dance she did in Germany) one, two, three, slap my knee, my husband to be is Cam-Ody! Four, five, six, pick up sticks, my heart won’t click without Cam-Ody’s fix…

(As Sierra continues, Cameron only cringes while Noah smirks)

Cameron: NEXT!!

(Dawn’s audition)

Dawn: (Vocalizes in an operatic fashion) …thank you.

(Noah’s jaw is dropped, and he is drooling)

Cameron: I believe that means you’re in Dawn. (Dawn applauds)

(Brick’s audition)

Brick: (Saluting) O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command. (Starts tearing up) With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free! (Starts straight-up bawling. Noah and Cameron just look at him confused) I’m sorry… I just love this song so much!!!

Noah: uh… we feel the pain brother… (Whispers to Cameron) please tell me we’re almost done! This is getting awkward.

(Owen’s audition)

Owen: Oh Izzy, Oh Izzy, aah I miss ya so! Oh my Izzy, my little Izzy, why’d I ever let you go? Why’d I ever let you go?

Noah: (Looked around awkwardly) aaaaand the awkwardness continues.

Cameron: (Sniffs tearfully) that was beautiful! (Sniffs) and it sounded painful.

Owen: (Sighs) yeah, but that was the fun part of being with Izzy…. You never knew what to expect! (Runs away crying)

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: aaaaand the guilt train keeps on rolling. Well this is what I get for not wanting a friend to have to put his kiwis in an ice cooler.

(Confessional ends)

Zoey: wow, I’ve never seen Owen so broken up. (Hearing this makes Owen whine harder off-screen)

Dawn: (Winces) not the best choice of words, Zoey. Dear Owen still suffers from guilt and despair about what befell Izzy and him in season 3.

Sierra: I can’t blame him. What happened between those two was DEVASTATING!!! The Owzzy fans were at an uproar… (Glares at Duncan) and so were the GWENT and DUNCNEY fans! (Duncan just rolls his eyes)

Cameron: still, its kind of disturbing seeing Owen like this. I wish there was something we could do.

Zoey: (Thinks for a second, then snaps her finger) I got it! Cam, who were the best singers?

Cameron: (Looks at list) looks like you, Mike, Dawn, and Owen.

Zoey: perfect! (Calls out) hey Owen!

(Owen comes back, slumped over)

Owen: (Groans in sorrow) yeah?

Mike: listen Owen, we all know you’re sad about Izzy, and we don’t blame you; but we really miss the old, goofy Owen who made us laugh when we were down; who was always ready and willing to go for the challenges!

Noah: we need your big, smelly, gassy old bag-of-joy-self back! (Brick, Sierra, and Cameron glare at him) what?

Owen: (Gives a weak chuckle) ah, you guys are right. But I can’t help it! I just wish I could at least see her one last time, and apologize for what happened in Jamaica!

Zoey: well there’s one way you can tell her, why don’t you serenade her during the show?

Owen: (Perked up on stage) wait… you think I could sing to her?

Duncan: why not? You sing to her, she sees it; she gets all the way out here to see you; things go back to abnormal around here.

Cameron: (Gulps) how-how do you know she’ll even make it all the way out here?

Duncan: dude, it’s Izzy. If anyone’s psycho enough to try and make it all the way out here, she is.

Owen: (Smiling dreamily) yeah, she was a cute little psycho. (Giggles. Then perks up again) but you’re right! This is no time for being all mopey! Now is the time to be SINGY!!!! Zoey, Mike, Dawn... get your singy muscles ready, WE’RE GONNA SING FOR IZZY!!!! (The Heroes cheer, but then Owen unleashes a huge fart and chuckles) just a bit of good luck. (The Heroes cough)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: wow, I actually helped cheer Owen up? That is so great! (Smiles with pride) I am super good at counseling!

(Confessional: Cameron)

Cameron: (Nervously) I didn’t want to say anything in front of Owen… but I’m actually glad Izzy didn’t come out here with us. I mean I owe her for helping me get over my fear of spiders… but now I’m more afraid of HER! She’s scary and certifiably insane! In fact I’m almost pretty sure she IS insane! Now the only question: who am I more afraid of? Lightning, Jo, Scott, Duncan, Chef, Courtney, Alejandro-

(Confessional: Cameron [again])

Cameron: -my old gym teacher, and most reptiles… or Izzy?

(Confessional ends)

(Cut over to the Villains’ side, where Alejandro and Heather are just sitting around pouting)

Gwen: (Walks over) uh, guys, shouldn’t we be at least TRYING to audition/rehearse?

Alejandro: (Sarcastically) oh, we don’t have to worry about auditions or rehearsals.

Heather: (Inhales and puts on a huge fake smile, speaking bitterly through her teeth) because we have the BEST singer in Total Drama history!

Gwen: (Surprised) wow, since when do YOU hand out compliments?

Heather: (Angered, whispering) since it was the only way to shut her up!

Alejandro: perhaps it is for the best, my voice is still recovering; I don’t know if I could even sing with my new-ish voice.

Gwen: I THOUGHT your voice sounded different. What about you Heather?

Heather: (Scoffs) puh-leaze! I sang ENOUGH for Chris! I mean I already know I’ve got the pipes for it, but-

(Suddenly a loud coughing is heard, the Villains look over to see that it is coming from Courtney; Scott looking over her concerned)

Heather: um, WHY is our “star singer” coughing up a storm? She has to sing in 2 hours!!

(Courtney tries to speak, but it only comes out in scratchy utterances)

Gwen: (Gasps) she lost her voice?!

(Confessional: Heather)

Heather: (Looks completely shocked) she…. She lost her voice. (Starts to slowly chuckle) she… lost her voice. I had to listen to her all night… and she finally loses her voice!? (Laughs insanely) I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY! COURTNEY FINALLY LOST HER VOICE!!! (Cackles like a maniac)

(Confessional ends)

Scott: (Hands Courtney a white board and marker) here, try using these. I snagged them from the junk pile. (Courtney pouts and grabs the white board; she then writes down something with the marker and hands it to Scott) Mm-phmm. Uh-huh. Courtney says she sprained her throat trying to harmonize it.

Gwen: (Gasps) that’s horrible.

Heather: (Smirking) yeah, that’s truly tragic.

Alejandro: (Sarcastically) oh yes, I am truly saddened by this.

(Courtney writes something else down on the white board)

Scott: …aaaaand she also says it’s all Gwen’s fault.

Gwen: what?! How is it MY fault?

Heather: yeah, how IS it her fault? YOU’RE the one who harmonized your voice out!

(Courtney writes something else down)

Scott: yeah, but if she wasn’t so annoying, Courtney wouldn’t have been inspired to sing all those harmonies. Also, she can take all her excuses and shove them up her… (Stops reading) WHOA! You can’t write that on TV!!

Gwen: (Extremely angered; growls) you know what?! Heather! You know how to play the guitar, right?!

Heather: yeah, why?

Gwen: (Ignoring Heather) good! Alejandro, you’re good with the drums, right?

Alejandro: (Confused) find me a suitable seat and I can do it.

Gwen: (Grabs hold of them both and drags them away) Good! Now, Courtney, when you’re done blaming me for EVERYTHING, WE’LL be busy trying to save this team!!!

(Courtney hastily writes something down)

Scott: hey! Don’t walk away when she’s writing at you!!!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Growls) ok, I can’t snap on TV; that would just give Chris what he wants! But I can’t go the rest of the season letting Courtney blame me for every little thing that happens! And I am SO SICK of the names! Annoying, villain, New Heather! (Growls even louder) Courtney and Chris think they know me SOO WELL! (Pulls her Gothic Mind Explosion poster) well I think it’s time to set the record straight.

(Confessional: Scott)

Scott: (Pouting) man, they should have let ME audition! Mama says I’ve got the voice of a rooster! (Clears throat and sings off-key) Miiiiiss Susie had a tugboat, the tugboat had a bell, Miss Susie went to Heaven, the tugboat went to…. (Just then the camera lens in the confessional breaks)

(Confessional ends)

(An animation shows of both team logos floating in a yellow backdrop. They then collide into each other and explode, revealing a logo with a Guitar shape inside, with the title “Wawanakwa-Palooza-Fest 2008” written in flames. The logo explodes and we cut to the stages, now with a judge’s table in the far back in between two bleachers. On one side of the bleachers sit Duncan, Noah, Brick, and Sierra. On the other side sit Courtney and Scott. Chris stands up at the judge’s table while Chef sits in the chair next to him)

Chris: (Speaks into the microphone in a fake British Accent) ‘ELLO ME FELLOW ROCK AND ROLLERS!!! WELCOME TO THE FIRST AND MAYBE ONLY WAWANAKWA-PALOOZA-FEST!!! AN ALL OUT BATTLE OF TWO ROCK AND ROLLING TEAMS WITH ONE MISSION… (Pulls the microphone away and speaks normally) to destroy everything good and pure about music to make me some PHAAAT CAAASH! (Chuckles) oh yeah, and to see who gets to see DawgToy perform on the spa hotel video feed. (All the girls [Except Gwen, Courtney and Dawn] squeal again) AANYWAYS, as you probably guessed, Chef and I are judging you… well today, more than usual. But what you DIDN’T expect is that today, we got a special guest judge today! All the way from Celebrity Manhunt… JOSH!!!

(Right then, JOSH from season 2’s Celebrity Manhunt enters and sits down in the last chair on the right)

Josh: (Greeting the audience) hellooo drama lovers the world over! Guess who’s back and stoked to be here! Thanks for having me here, Chris.

Chris: no problem, buddy! Hey you never got back to me about that video I sent you… 2 years ago!

Josh: (Looks nervous) uh… y-yeah uh, well because I was so… blown away by your video that I uh… simply couldn’t find words to describe it!

Chris: (Smirks) uh-huh. Thought so. (Chef rolls his eyes) anyways, say whatever happened to your …co-host lady? What was her name? Uh… Bertha …Britney …uh-

Josh: (Raises eyebrow) you mean BLAINELEY?

Chris: nah, that’s not it.

Josh: (Addressing the stages) anyways, like Chris said earlier, all both teams have to do is rock our socks off with the song of their choice and they win! (Looks around) oh, and if both teams HAPPEN to have two girls on stage, I’ll give you extra personal points if a catfight breaks out! (Stands up and growls like a cat. Chris and Chef look at him awkwardly and he sits back down)

(Mike, Zoey, Dawn, and Owen peek their heads out of the curtain)

Mike: (Looks nervously at Zoey) …we’re not gonna have to do the whole catfight thing, are we?

Zoey: of course not, we’re better than that… (Whispers to Mike) besides, I don’t know if I could take Dawn in a fight. (Dawn smiles innocently)

Chris: and now, to start off our little Palooza-fest! Please give it up for the Heroic Hamsters!

(The Hamsters duck behind the curtain, which opens up revealing the Pearly Gates design and Mike and Owen wearing silver tuxedoes, while Dawn and Zoey wear gold ones without the leggings. Noah can’t help but stare at Dawn’s legs)

Sierra: wow…. They’re so sparkly!

Brick: (Smiles proudly) the power of sequin never let me down yet! (Looks to camera) Colonel Maggie! (Salutes) I salute you for everything you taught me!

Zoey: (Looks out to audience, feeling bashful, trying to cover her legs) um… thanks for coming out tonight… er-today, everyone. And I’d just like to say we dedicate this song to Izzy! (Addressing the camera) Izzy, wherever you are, Owen has something he’d like to say to you. (Owen just smiles nervously) HIT IT CAM!!

(Spotlight shines at Cameron, sitting behind a grand piano. He cracks his fingers and then starts playing an upbeat tune on the piano. The Heroes on stage move and pose in synch with each different beat of the tune, including spins, spinning arms, and claps)

Owen: Ohh ohhh ohh. Let me tell you now. Ohhhh. When I had you to myself I didn't want you around, those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd. But someone picked you from the bunch; one glance was all it took; now it's much too late for me to take a second look. Oh baby, give me one more chance

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Show you that I love you

Owen: Won't you please let me

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Back in your heart

Owen: Oh darlin', I was blind to let you go

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Let you go, baby

Owen: But now since I see you in his arms

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Owen: Yes I do now

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Zoey: Ooh, ooh, baby

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Mike: Ya, ya, ya, ya

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Dawn: Na, na, na, na. (Secretly looks at Noah) Tryin' to live without your love is one long sleepless night, let me show you, girl that I know wrong from right. Every street you walk on I leave tearstains on the ground, following the girl I didn't even want around.

Zoey: Let me tell you now, Oh baby, give me one more chance.

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Show you that I love you

Zoey: Won't you please let me.

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Back to your heart

Zoey: Oh darlin', I was blind to let you go

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Let you go, baby

Zoey: But now since I see you in his arms… Oh whoa oh

(A moment pause and then they all at once do a slow moonwalk backwards)

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: A buh buh buh buh

Dawn: All I want

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: A buh buh buh buh

Dawn: All I need

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: A buh buh buh buh

Dawn: All I want

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: A buh buh buh buh

Dawn: All I neeeeeed!

Mike: Oh just one more chance to show you that I love you, Baby, (Zoey: baby), baby, (Zoey: baby), baby

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: Ooh I want you back

Dawn: Forget what happened then

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Mike: Let me live again

Owen: Oh baby, I was blind to let you go

Zoey: But now since I see you in his arms

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Dawn: Spare me of this cause

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: I want you back

Mike: Gimme back what I lost

Owen: Oh baby, I need one more chance (Kicks up) ha! I tell ya that I love you! (Moonwalks backwards and leans into a chair, pulling a chord which causes Orange Soda from above to splash on top of him)

Mike: Now baby, (Zoey: ow), baby, (Zoey: ow), baby.

Owen/Zoey/Mike/Dawn: (They repeat this line 4 times) I want you back.

(At the end of the song, the audience applauds loudly, Noah whistles at them, which causes Dawn to blush)

Sierra: WOO-HOO!! CAM-ODY!!! (She books it towards the piano, and wraps her arms around Cameron, what she doesn’t notice is her cell phone falling out of her back pocket)

Chris: (Finishes cheering) nice work from the Hamsters! (Turns to Chef and Josh) so, judges? Thoughts?

Chef: (Slightly teary-eyed) I remember when I heard this song at my Grampy’s 3rd wedding… thems was good times man!! (Clears throat; recovers) I give ya’ll a 9!

Josh: well no catfights… but I DO respect the upbeat-ness of the song… plus I gotta give props to guys in sequin (Brick smiles proudly again) …uh, 8.

Chris: and I give the Heroes…. A 4!

Heroes: WHAT?!?!

Chris: yeah, sappy love songs don’t really do it for me.

Zoey: aww come on, Chris! Can’t you make a TEENY exception? Owen put his heart and soul into that song so Izzy could see how he feels!!

Chris: oh yeah… about that (Snickers) yeah I like to check up on all the rejected chickadees every once in a while, so I called Izzy’s house… turns out, since her appearance last season, she never came home. (The other contestants gasp)

Owen: you… you mean Izzy’s somewhere out there… cold, starving and …HOMELESS!?!?

Mike: and it means she didn’t see the song.

Owen: (Slumps down even lower) and now I feel even worse! (Calls out to the judges) Hey you guys got anything for agonizing depression?

Chef: (Holding a pint of ice cream) try some of this Mint Chocolate Chip. (Tosses it to Owen, who catches it. Chris and Josh just stare at him) what? It helps me feel better knowing I’m doing ANOTHER season of this crap.

Owen: (Smiles weakly) thanks Chef. If anyone needs me I’ll be outside the spa hotel curled up into a mint chocolate flavored ball of sadness! (Runs off wailing)

(Noah watches Owen run off, now HE is saddened; then he notices Sierra’s cell phone on the ground and ponders)

(Confessional: Zoey)

Zoey: (Saddened) ok if you hear a little crack that was my heart breaking. …poor Owen. DARN IT CHRIS!! I really thought there was a heart buried somewhere in there! (Pouts) Guess I owe Gwen 5 bucks.

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the villains’ stage; Gwen, Alejandro, and Heather have their heads poking out of the curtain)

Heather: wow, that was not totally suck-ish.

Alejandro: si; even with Chris’ score it will be most difficult to beat their score.

Gwen: (Smiling confidently) oh don’t worry, I have a feeling Chris will like the little additions we made before rehearsal.

(They duck their heads back behind the curtain)

Chris: well then, we’re down to the last act of the night! Can the Villainous Vultures FINALLY get back into the Spa Hotel tonight? …I seriously doubt it. But here they are ANYWAYS!!!

(The curtain opens revealing the Volcano scene; Alejandro is sitting behind a drumset on the left, Heather with a guitar on the right, and Gwen stands behind a microphone with a bass in the center. The Heroes cheer them on; Courtney holds up her white board, which says “BOOOOO!” on it)

Scott: (Notices the board) uh... you DO know you’re booing your own team right? (Embarrassed, Courtney hides the board behind her back)

Gwen: (Awkwardly) uh… thank you all for coming… well not that we have much of a choice (Glares at Chris). Anyways you all probably know me by a bunch of new names, “New Heather, Boyfriend Kisser” the list goes on. Let’s just say I hope our song helps set the record straight.

(Heather starts strumming the guitar as a rocking-like ballad starts playing)

Gwen: (Starts playing the bass and singing) You think you know me, but you don't know me. You think you own me, but you can't control me. You look at me and there's just one thing that you see, so listen to me…. Listen to meeeeeee! (Alejandro joins in with the drums) You push me back; I push you back! Harder, harder! You scream at me; I scream at you! Louder, L-L-L-L-Louder! Dangerous, I'm warning you! But you're not afraid of me, and I can't convince you; you don't know me.

Duncan: GO GWEN!!!

Gwen: You think you got me, but you don't get me. You think you want me, but you don't know what you're getting into! There's so much more to me then what you think you see, so listen to me… Just listen to meeeee! You push me back; I push you back! Harder, harder! You scream at me; I scream at you! Louder, L-L-L-L-Louder! Dangerous, I'm warning you! But you're not afraid of me, and I can't convince you; you don't know me.

(At this point, the Heroes are all cheering, Duncan holds up a lighter and winks at her)

Gwen: And the longer that you stay, the ice is melting. And the pain feels okay, feels okaaaaay. [heeeey]

(Suddenly, as the song starts slowing down, cardboard cutouts of Courtney, Justin, Heather, Alejandro, Lightning, Jo, Cody, Chris, and Chef pop up. Each with the same thing written on their torsos, “New Heather.” as Gwen continues singing, tears run down her face. Heather, Alejandro, the Heroes, and even Courtney look concerned)

Gwen: You push me back; I push you back. (Duncan is upset seeing Gwen’s tears. He looks as though he’s about to rush out of his seat, but Mike and Brick hold him back) You scream at me; I scream at you. Louder, louder, (The song picks back up, and Gwen looks tenser everytime she says “louder”) louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, LOUUDEEEERRR!!! (She suddenly kicks the Heather cutout) You push me back; (Punches the Alejandro cutout) I push you back! Harder, harder! (Smashes her bass over the Lightning cutout) You scream at me (Breaks the Jo cutout over her knee); I scream at you! (Grabs a hold of the Justin cutout) Louder, L-L-L-L-Louder (Pulls the Justin cutout apart)!  Dangerous, (Grabs the Chef cutout, and starts beating up the Chris cutout with it) I'm warning you! But you’re not afraid of me, and I can't convince you; but I don't have to; (Finally calms down) I think you know me.

(As the song ends, Gwen is now down on her knees, drenched in sweat. For a while, the crowd is silent… until they cheer loudly and stand up… even Scott and Courtney cheer loudly)

(Confessional: Duncan)

Duncan: (Happy grunt) Just the way she rocked the stage... and the way she just busted all those cutouts! Makes me wanna howl ….ah what the heck? (Howls like a wolf)

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: WHOO!!! Oh MAN did it feel great to do that! I’ve been holding all that in for WAY too long! It just felt so EMPOWERING to get all that off my chest!

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Holding the head of the Chris cutout) alas, poor McLean. I knew him well… he sucked eggs. (Chuckles)

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Awestruck) THAT… WAS… AWESOME!!! (Chuckles) the performance! The tension! The SWEET DESTRUCTION!!! Though I’m not exactly thrilled about the whole BREAKING MY HANDSOME CUTOUT PART!! (Josh and Chef snicker until Chris glares at them) …but, destructive rules are rules sooo…. 8!

Chef: (Looks bored) meh, I go with 7. Just wanna get this done! We got dinner plans in 20 minutes!!

Josh: For breaking the girl cutouts, 10!

Chris: aaaaand if my math is right… THE VILLAINS WIN!!!!!

(The villains all cheer; Scott and Courtney hug, but then look away awkwardly)

Heather: FINALLY! Spa hotel masseuse, here I come!!!

Gwen: (Jumps off the stage cheering) WE WON!!! WOO-HOOO!!!!!

Duncan: (Runs right up to Gwen) YEAH-HA!!! Way to go Gwen!!! (Pulls Gwen into a hug)

(Chris and Chef get up from the table and are about to leave)

Josh: uh hey uh, what about my pay?

Chris: (Glares at Chef) CHEF! I thought you gave him a check!

Josh: yeah, your check bounced so I’m gonna need cash… NOW!

Chris: oooh…. Yyyyeeeeaaaaahhh …about that …see we don’t actually have the pay in cash sooo…. Chef?

(Chef places an explosive on Josh’s suit. Chris pulls out a remote control and presses the button. The explosive explodes, and Josh screams as he is sent flying. Chris and Chef crack up. Suddenly, the ground underneath the contestants starts to rumble)

Gwen: um… what’s going on?

Chris: (Glares at Chef) Chef! I thought you said you drove out ALL the mutant gophers!

Chef: I might have missed a few!

Cameron: that doesn’t feel like gophers!

(Suddenly a small-ish hole appears above ground. Chef and Chris nervously peer over it, when two familiar-looking skinny arms grab them by their heads, and bonk them together, causing them to go unconscious. Then suddenly, Izzy pops out)

Izzy: BOO! (Cackles)

Cameron: (Screams in terror) IZZY!!! (Jumps onto Brick and clings to him)

Contestants: (Minus Noah) Izzy?!

Izzy: (Leaps out of the hole and back flips, landing right in front of the contestants, looks straight into the camera) that’s right, folks: the old Izzy is BACK IN TOWN!!! Olé! (Cackles, then turns towards the other contestants) oh hey, guys! Wow it’s been like a really long time since I saw you all! Probably because after Chris got arrested and hauled to the clink, (Snorts) seriously like about time ok –I’ve been living underground amongst the mutant gophers!

Duncan: …seriously? That was a year ago! How’d you end up not getting all… freaky and feral like Zeke?

Izzy: pssh, oh please. When they’re not all snarly and trying to eat you, they’re actually SUPER civilized! Yeah, did you know there was a whole mutant gopher utopia under there? Mm-phmm. Pretty crazy, I can’t even tell you.

(Just then, Owen slumps in still looking sad)

Owen: (Not looking up) hey guys, I ran out of comfort ice cream. Do you have any more- (Owen looks up and gasps, and smiles widely when he notices Izzy) IZZY!!!

Izzy: (Smiles even wider) OWEN!!!

(They start dashing towards each other in slow motion; but right as they finally reach each other, Izzy’s foot goes right for Owen’s kiwis)

Izzy: (Notices her foot and smiles nervously) …oops, I guess my foot missed doing that, Big O. (Chuckles nervously)

Owen: (Clutches his kiwis) I almost kind of missed that myself. (Falls to his knees; grabs Izzy’s hand) OH IZZY!! I couldn’t take it anymore! I couldn’t sleep, eat, fart… or worse, EAT the same way since I got back here! The guilt was eating me like bad clams dipped in garlic salt! (Clings to Izzy’s legs) I MISSED YOU!!!! I’m sorry we ever broke up 2 years ago; I don’t know why I wanted to in the first place!! (Noah looks away awkwardly)

(Izzy just stares in shock and concern as Owen cries on her legs. She then smiles and pats Owen on the head)

Izzy: aww. There, there, Chubby Buddy. It’s ok. Nana Izzy’s here… wait, we broke up?

Owen: (Stops crying and sits upright on his knees) yeah… 2 years ago remember? (Izzy just blinks in confusion) after the plane crashed on you and made you all super smart? (Izzy blinks again) …and then the army took you away and you dumped me?

Izzy: (Blinks again) …oh yeah! Now I remember. Wow, guess when you’re living in a gopher utopia, it’s like time suddenly stops. (Chuckles. Then turns serious) anyways, it’s ok, big guy. You were probably just going through a “please-don’t-kick-me-in-the-kiwis” phase. Who here hasn’t gone though that phase? (All the guys nervously cover their kiwis)

Gwen: (Whispers to Zoey) yeesh, makes me glad I don’t have kiwis.

Zoey: (Giggles and whispers back) I know right?

Izzy: anyways don’t worry, Big Guy, we may not be all kissy-smoochy-bitey anymore, but you’ll always be my big cuddly banana split, (Pulls Owen into a bear hug) with a whole lot of split!

Owen: daaw, (Hugs Izzy back) and you’ll always be my brazil-sized nutty sundae (Chuckles) with chocolate sprinkles.

Zoey: aww, that is SO sweet!

Gwen: …and more than a little weird.

(The two keep hugging until suddenly a buzzing sound of a helicopter is heard from above. They look up and see an RCMP helicopter)

RCMP: Izzy! We finally got you! You can’t escape the Royal Canadian Mounted Police!

Noah: what the heck did you do THIS time!?

Izzy: (Chuckles nervously) I maaay have tried to start a campfire at a panda exhibit…. It didn’t end well. (Giggles nervously) welp gotta run! (Smooches Owen on the lips, then shoves him back) YOU’LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE!!! (Front flips 3 times and runs away cackling)

Chris: (Annoyed) I HATE it when the rejects get all… CLINGY!

Duncan: (Inhales) ah good old Izzy… even when she’s gone you can still smell the crazy.

(Zoey, Noah, and Duncan go over to Owen and help him up)

Zoey: you gonna be ok, Owen?

(Owen just gurgles happily; a big, dopey, happy smile on his face)

Noah: (Pats Owen on the head) I think he’s gonna be juuuust fiiine.

(Confessional: Noah)

Noah: (Spins Sierra’s cell phone in his hand) Big happy Owen restored, conscience clear, thank you Sierra. (The phone breaks apart) …ooh, awkward.

(Confessional: Dawn)

Dawn: I saw everything, and it is yet another admirable trait of dear Noah. I WILL talk to him about the kiss only when he is ready. My tealeaves tell me of unexpected love; but for whom I do not know.

(Confessional: Owen)

Owen: (Giggles, sounding like his normal self) oooh getting to see Izzy again, TOTALLY WORTH LOSING!!! (Chuckles) and now that I’m back to normal… (Pulls out a wad of pancakes) you and I have business, big wad of pancakes I saved this morning (Starts chomping down on the wad).

(Confessional ends)

Chris: (Dusting himself off) Heroes, what can I say? You won some, and you LOST some. But you still live to see another day. AND you get to give up all that delicious complementary breakfast for one of Chef’s “delectable” meals. (Chef snickers and the Heroes [except Owen] groan) And Villains, the spa hotel is yours again, along with your free private video feed of the DawgToy concert!!!! (Heather and Courtney cheer, while Gwen, Scott, and Alejandro look uncertain) That reminds me, which winner is gonna be a loser tonight on Boney Island?

Scott: (Walks up to Chris) Me, I’ll go!

(Confessional: Scott)

Scott: last season I found the invincibility statue in no time flat! Now that I get the whole night, it’s in the bag!

(Confessional ends)

(Cut to the girls’ side of the spa hotel, where Chris has set up a large screen monitor. Heather and Courtney are squealing like fan girls, while Gwen is lying on the bed with a pillow over her head)

Heather/Courtney: I LOVE YOU JASON!!! (They look at each other in shock)

Gwen: (Snickers) wow, Heather; never pictured YOU as the DawgToy-i-noid.

Heather: (Growls) fine, you know the truth…. And now you’ll have to die!

(Courtney and Gwen laugh, but Courtney catches herself and quickly stops laughing)

(Confessional: Courtney)

Courtney: (Her voice back to normal) if you tell ANYONE I said this, I will deny it up and down! But… Gwen was actually genuinely useful today. And the way she performed that song… that must have taken A LOT of heart. (Looks around) but uh… d-don’t get me wrong! She’s still going down!

(Confessional: Gwen)

Gwen: (Rocking back and forth in a fetal position) it was the worst concert I’ve ever seen! It was like rusty nails scratching on a giant chalkboard while listening to Bubble Gum Pop artists getting a root canal! (Groans) Well, it was sort of worth it, at least my team won again. But all I say is after all this Courtney better at least NOT hate my guts again! (Yelling at the ceiling) whoever’s in charge of karma, you owe me a freebie!!!

(Confessional: Chris)

Chris: let’s see if she ticks off the universe again. (Snickers) the Villains finally win again! But, can they do it again, again? Will Gwen finally get those karma points? And what to do about Noah and Dawn? Find out next time, on Total Drama All-Stars!!

(Confessional and episode ends)

(End Credits)